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Original poster

I opened Xmas gifts early and hate them :(

332 replies

Dawb · 03/12/2022 09:44

So DP has taken DD to soft play this morning (rare). I’m using the time to have a clean around and found a box from my favourite website shop and decided to open it. I know very bad. I realised it was my Xmas gifts and still chose to open it while no one was in. The website isn’t designer or major expensive, but not cheap either.

The box contains nothing I like at all. The site sells different brands (think retro) and I’ve never heard of a few of them in the box. A few others completely inappropriate (think allergies to cosmetics).

I feel so so mean literally not liking any of it. He has spent I would say at least £150 on a load of expensive tat. I wouldn’t wear or use any of it.

DP is far from romantic. He does try but I think due to his upbringing he is a bit of a robot. I feel so so mean telling him - ‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’. I’m also feeling a bit down that he really hasn’t got a clue - and probably never will.

Apart from not being romantic or spontaneous he is a lovely partner. Can’t discuss with my best friend as her DP is being such a CF at the moment and would kill for a DP like mine. What do I do? Please help!

OP posts:
katepilar · 03/12/2022 11:21

WorldLeaderPretend · 03/12/2022 10:15

I never understand people being rude about gifts. You smile and say it's lovely, how thoughtful of you, and then subsequently apologetically state you tried it on and it doesn't fit right/ the colour doesn't suit you and regretfully you are going to have to exchange it, does her have receipt?

My (undiagnosed autistic, we now realize) father used to say "what have you got me that for?" about gifts we spent our pocket money on as children. I have never forgotten the cold slap of shame and sadness I felt when something I spent time and effort choosing was rejected so casually.

Because not all the people enjoy or understand this game with presents.

tinselterra · 03/12/2022 11:22

This is going to turn out to be an Emma Thompson moment in Love Actually.

Mince314s · 03/12/2022 11:23

I'd email the place he got it from asking about return policies then strategically get swaps for what you can after Christmas. E.g. Maybe a top could be slightly the wrong side and they're out of stock so you've had to get a slightly different one?

GrasstrackGirl · 03/12/2022 11:25

You should not have snooped and you do sound very difficult.

He can't win.

harriethoyle · 03/12/2022 11:26

tinselterra · 03/12/2022 11:22

This is going to turn out to be an Emma Thompson moment in Love Actually.

Then OP will come back on here complaining she only got a £10 token 🤣🤣

pluckie · 03/12/2022 11:26

tinselterra · 03/12/2022 11:22

This is going to turn out to be an Emma Thompson moment in Love Actually.

😁

pistachioshells · 03/12/2022 11:32

Gosh...he's listened enough to make a note of the website you like, he's ordered in advance (presumably because of the upset he caused over your birthday) and has wanted to treat you by spending over 10 x your agreed limit. He sounds like a DH who not only listens but also learns from his previous mistakes. He's got the products wrong but it sounds like he really tried. I'd be very grateful.

TheOGCCL · 03/12/2022 11:32

I guess the spirit of Christmas is more to be thankful for what we have than to be looking round wondering what else we can get our hands on, so I think I’d just focus on what a lovely DP you have and write off whatever unsuitable stuff he’s bought, it is really the thought that counts and much more important is how you guys work day in, day out. I would be annoyed from a waste/ environmental perspective so would be plotting how to avoid this happening again, eg with gift lists or no gifts.

user1471447924 · 03/12/2022 11:33

You sound like very hard work.

Original poster
Dawb · 03/12/2022 11:34

all of the above! I’ve got over the birthday 2 years ago and he was really sorry. He makes up for it in other ways. Upset about going over the agreed limit and not really thinking. I have specific tastes (think toy type brands) and what he has got I’ve never heard of or mentioned to him. If he has tried (his own kind of weird best) I don’t want to be mean.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dawb · 03/12/2022 11:35

Excellently put.

OP posts:
crussont · 03/12/2022 11:36

What is. I can't see what you're replying to. If you use "quote" people can see

Favouritefruits · 03/12/2022 11:36

Just be gracious and thank your DH, he’s tried and got it a bit wrong but there’s no need to be rude when someone has tried to do something nice. I asked my DH for ‘nice soap’ last year and I received a bottle of 75% extra free imperial lather hand wash I asked for ‘nice shampoo’ and received head and shoulders 🤣 so count yourself lucky.

Original poster
Dawb · 03/12/2022 11:37

Not wanting to do anything (meal, activity ect) at 8.5 month pregnant doesn’t mean make no effort and done even get a card and buy box of chicks or flowers. I would never make anyone feel worthless by making 0 effort at all. He learnt his lesson.

OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 03/12/2022 11:37

He really can't win though can he.
Don't get me anything for my birthday - did what you said, you cried all day and made him feel like shite.
Set a £10 limit - he probably panicked and thought last time you didn't mean what you said at all, so tried to spoil you and it's again not good enough.
Plus splashing out on a holiday so you aren't here and miserable over Christmas.
Honestly what oh earth do you want op?
He listens, you make him feel awful, he doesn't listen, you're online complaining that it's not good enough.

Original poster
Dawb · 03/12/2022 11:39

harriethoyle · 03/12/2022 10:39

OP, you should have set a limit for cost of gifts, then all this would have been avoided 🤷🏻‍♀️

We set £10 limit and he has ignored. Just to clarify this man only buys gifts for me and I sort everything else.

OP posts:
clpsmum · 03/12/2022 11:40

category12 · 03/12/2022 09:47

I think he tried.

Maybe on the day, slap a smile on your face and be nice about it instead.

This I think you sound ungrateful. He has tried. You say he is unromantic for buying things from your favourite website. I think it's unromantic to find them and open them and then be ungrateful about them tbh

clpsmum · 03/12/2022 11:40

Teadrinkingmumofone · 03/12/2022 09:54

Why is it expensive tat, just because it's not to your taste. Sorry but you just sound unbelievably grateful. We all get gifts we don't like. Think of it another way, he's chosen, by the sounds of it, a number of gifts from a website he knows you like, weeks in advance. Most people on here will be moaning their partners didn't get them anything or got them some crud at the last minute.

This

TwoRockSalmonAndAHaporthOfChips · 03/12/2022 11:41

Dawb · 03/12/2022 11:39

We set £10 limit and he has ignored. Just to clarify this man only buys gifts for me and I sort everything else.

Show quote history

The only person you know that he buys for is you.

That’s not the same as you being the only person he buys for.

diddl · 03/12/2022 11:41

Dawb · 03/12/2022 11:37

Not wanting to do anything (meal, activity ect) at 8.5 month pregnant doesn’t mean make no effort and done even get a card and buy box of chicks or flowers. I would never make anyone feel worthless by making 0 effort at all. He learnt his lesson.

I agree with that.

We tend to not bother with presents as we rarely know what to get each other.

Been married nearly 30yrs & there's nothing we want/need.

Seems daft to buy for the sake of it-other than consumables!

Greatbiggoldfish · 03/12/2022 11:42

My husband bought me a load of clothes one year - some of it I liked - some of it I didn’t .. strangely everything I didn’t like was miraculously the wrong size .. it was returned and I replaced with things I did like . No feelings were hurt in the process . I’d been down at the time and he’d tried to do a good thing . It sounds like your husband is also trying

CinnamonJellyBeans · 03/12/2022 11:44

If you have disposable income and buy your own makeup/clothes/perfume, then it's unnecessary to get a present from your DH. Mine knows by now not to bother, unless I ask for specifics.

Mine doesn't spend money on himself, so I have bought him expensive jumpers and slippers.

Lysianthus · 03/12/2022 11:45

@C1N1C has nailed it. OP give your head a wobble.

Original poster
Dawb · 03/12/2022 11:49

category12 · 03/12/2022 10:57

There was a rumour that she set a limit.

Show quote history

£10 limit set as he can’t be trusted to buy. Thought I was being clever and would only have to pretend to like (and use) £10 worth. Backfired again.

OP posts:
Lilavanblue · 03/12/2022 11:50

Teadrinkingmumofone · 03/12/2022 09:54

Why is it expensive tat, just because it's not to your taste. Sorry but you just sound unbelievably grateful. We all get gifts we don't like. Think of it another way, he's chosen, by the sounds of it, a number of gifts from a website he knows you like, weeks in advance. Most people on here will be moaning their partners didn't get them anything or got them some crud at the last minute.

Agree with this. “What on earth were you thinking” - if my partner said it to me about a present he didn’t like I would be offended. Not because he didn’t like it, but because of the tone.