I opened Xmas gifts early and hate them :(

[Dawb]

So DP has taken DD to soft play this morning (rare). I’m using the time to have a clean around and found a box from my favourite website shop and decided to open it. I know very bad. I realised it was my Xmas gifts and still chose to open it while no one was in. The website isn’t designer or major expensive, but not cheap either.

The box contains nothing I like at all. The site sells different brands (think retro) and I’ve never heard of a few of them in the box. A few others completely inappropriate (think allergies to cosmetics).

I feel so so mean literally not liking any of it. He has spent I would say at least £150 on a load of expensive tat. I wouldn’t wear or use any of it.

DP is far from romantic. He does try but I think due to his upbringing he is a bit of a robot. I feel so so mean telling him - ‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’. I’m also feeling a bit down that he really hasn’t got a clue - and probably never will.

Apart from not being romantic or spontaneous he is a lovely partner. Can’t discuss with my best friend as her DP is being such a CF at the moment and would kill for a DP like mine. What do I do? Please help!

He’s brought them for your best friend with whom he’s having an affair

Seriously just tel him! Send them back and get replacements.

You are both adults -

On a positive note it's good you e opened it now because now you have time to perfect your reaction when you unwrap them on Christmas morning

Go and get the delivery note incase he throws it away and then you'll be able to return stuff.

I think he tried.

Maybe on the day, slap a smile on your face and be nice about it instead.

Just tell him what you said here, and return it. Buy what you want. Wrap it up for Christmas.

Suck it up this year and then see if you can return them after Xmas or stay quiet and put a £20 limit on tiny surprises next year with the rest bought from a list, which is what we do.

You can’t own up to opening the box.

I would just deal with it, be greatful on Christmas. Then sometimes after mention why you can use bits and pieces etc.

me and my husband start a shared note a few months before Xmas and put links to things we like as we see them. My husband was also terrible at buying gifts. So I have to direct him to what I want (eg last year I wanted a coat. I sent example of what I like and why and what I didn’t want). I also ask more for experienced now as that’s easier I think than guessing what eye shadow someone will want or handbag.

This is why we do a stocking only..

Why is it expensive tat, just because it's not to your taste. Sorry but you just sound unbelievably grateful. We all get gifts we don't like. Think of it another way, he's chosen, by the sounds of it, a number of gifts from a website he knows you like, weeks in advance. Most people on here will be moaning their partners didn't get them anything or got them some crud at the last minute.

‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’.

please please don't say that! Just say thank you, act grateful, and then a bit later you can tactfully say that your allergic to some of it so would he mind if you swapped it.

I'd feel really crushed if someone said the above to be about a present, it's unnecessarily rude.

If he's not great at presents maybe next time agree to spend present money on experiences eg meal or holiday together.

I can be a bit OTT emotional so I’m glad I have time to come up with a response. Sorry to drip feed - we are going away for Xmas as having issues with both parents and don’t want to sacrifice space in the suitcase. We set a £10 limit and he obviously hasn’t done that. If he had stuck to £10 limit I think I’d be grateful and use whatever it was to be kind.

We set a £10 limit as we have shelled out on an abroad holiday as Xmas already makes me miserable. Obviously doesn’t listen. Could I use £10 limit as an excuse and tell him to return?

We set a £10 limit!

He's been THAT organised? He has looked ahead and got you things before they go out of stock and ordered in plenty of time to dodge the postal strikes

You do sound rather ungrateful.... and cheeky too. You shouldn't have opened it! That's shabby behaviour

What would you have done if you hadn't gone looking and received them Christmas day?
You say he is lovely. I think he will be very hurt that you deliberately snooped and opened a box he has, in his eyes, carefully chosen for you, and hidden to surprize you. Sounds like he has chosen a place you've liked before.
On the one hand, I would feel that although the choices are wrong, his heart was in the right place, preparing much earlier than a lot of men and getting what he thought you liked. On that basis I would be keeping quiet, not letting on I snooped and being 'pleased on Christmas morning.
On the other hand, money is a struggle this year for many and it seems a pity to spend that amount on things you don't want
Thinking these two conflicting thoughts leaves me asking what is more important to you, his feelings or the cost/waste/ wanting presents you really like. 🤔
There is no right answer. It depends on your personal circumstances and relationship. For me, unless really broke, I would go with being pleased but give him a list of thoughts to choose from next year. That way you still get surprizes as you don't know what he will choose from the list but you will like the surprize gift. I do this with DH who is also lovely but a bit of a random gift buyer. He will probably choose 2or 3 from a list of eight so I don't know what I'm getting. He goes off piste for inexpensive stocking fillers which are a total surprize and can be great or crazy 😃

You are completely right. My birthday when I was pregnant (2 weeks before birth) I said I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday as I was obviously not in the best state. He mistook that for do nothing and didn’t even get a card. I cried the whole day because of his lack of effort - yet now I’m moaning about this. We did set £10 limit and he hasn’t done that at all.

Christ the poor man can’t win, why don’t you just bloody tell him what you want so he doesn’t need to jump through these hoops

We have booked a holiday for Xmas and have set a £10 token gift limit and he has ignored. If it was just one £10 item I’d be thankful and can pretend to like one item and use it.

Just tell him. You can get something you do like and he won’t have wasted his money.

Yes but when you told him you didn’t want anything you then cried all day and made him feel shit, so he’s trying not to make rhe same mistake again of actually believing you

You don't know they are for you, could be for a sister, mum, mistress (love actually etc)

He has tried to be thoughtful ordering from your favourite shop in plenty of time.

He won't notice if you don't use the makeup so just pass it on to someone who isn't allergic and buy yourself something else or return it.

Both start an Amazon wish list and add things you like to it throughout the year for any give giving events. The surprise will be which things you get.

Did you set a limit?

My DH usually thinks about starting his Christmas shopping at about 3pm on Christmas Eve so I’m quite impressed with the level of organisation tbh.

I would just say nothing and pretend to like them on the day.

When I cancelled I meant no meal out ect. I didn’t think not wanting to do anything didn’t mean minimum Aldi flowers and birthday cards. Had a very traumatic unplanned pregnancy and had to self inject and go to the hospital an hour away weekly alone because of covid so I was a pretty emotional run down wreck.

Then either it's not for you.

Or it is for you and I'd shut up about it and say thank you on Christmas day. He's busted the limit AND bought you a holiday!!! What more can the guy do?

My favourite response. Thanks.