I opened Xmas gifts early and hate them :(

[Dawb]

So DP has taken DD to soft play this morning (rare). I’m using the time to have a clean around and found a box from my favourite website shop and decided to open it. I know very bad. I realised it was my Xmas gifts and still chose to open it while no one was in. The website isn’t designer or major expensive, but not cheap either.

The box contains nothing I like at all. The site sells different brands (think retro) and I’ve never heard of a few of them in the box. A few others completely inappropriate (think allergies to cosmetics).

I feel so so mean literally not liking any of it. He has spent I would say at least £150 on a load of expensive tat. I wouldn’t wear or use any of it.

DP is far from romantic. He does try but I think due to his upbringing he is a bit of a robot. I feel so so mean telling him - ‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’. I’m also feeling a bit down that he really hasn’t got a clue - and probably never will.

Apart from not being romantic or spontaneous he is a lovely partner. Can’t discuss with my best friend as her DP is being such a CF at the moment and would kill for a DP like mine. What do I do? Please help!

You told him you didn't want to! He took you at your word.

I’m not sure if they did. How much was it? 😂

We share finances and I earn much more… so I bought more of the holiday than him. He would be happy to stay at home but it was me that wanted to go abroad. I just hate financial waste.

Op by your own admission you’re dramatic emotionally, that transcends here, and you’re being a bit ungrateful frankly. Suck it up, be grateful, return for an exchange after Christmas.

This is the advice I need. Thanks.

I think he’s tried and you should try and be thankful for that. He’s noticed your favourite shop which is good, and probably doesn’t understand cosmetics and stuff so wouldn’t have considered allergies etc. be grateful, say thank you, and maybe pass on to others who would enjoy them.
and next year - well I email dh my list complete with links so he can’t get them wrong (although he still has done 🙄)

Funny that the £10 limit is what you're cross about now, instead of not liking the things as in your op 😂

Very ungrateful.

Poor chap.

Why set a £10 limit to then go and do the opposite? If your going to be defiant do it well.

I never understand people being rude about gifts. You smile and say it's lovely, how thoughtful of you, and then subsequently apologetically state you tried it on and it doesn't fit right/ the colour doesn't suit you and regretfully you are going to have to exchange it, does her have receipt?

My (undiagnosed autistic, we now realize) father used to say "what have you got me that for?" about gifts we spent our pocket money on as children. I have never forgotten the cold slap of shame and sadness I felt when something I spent time and effort choosing was rejected so casually.

Thanks for your thoughts I will bear that in mind.

If the two of you set a limit then maybe the gifts you've found aren't for you? I could easily stumble across gifts for Women in our house,

DH buys for 2 sisters, 2 teen nieces and his Mum as well as me. I don't know what he's bought them unless I'm there when it's wrapped / opened.

The problem is with posting on here is that so many partners on here are so absolutely fucking shite and useless, that many women will throw it back at you that you should be grateful that your partner actually bought you something in the first place.

But I get where you are coming from. If you have been with your partner for a while, they should know what you're particular about and not try to guess. Especially with so much money. For instance I've bought DH new trainers. I know he's particular about them and I don't wanna waste £150 on a pair he hates so asked him to show me some trainers he likes. In the past DH has bought me vouchers for shops he knows I like to let me choose what I like cos I'm particular about my clothes.

Surprises are nice and all but if you've known your DP for a long time (been with DH for 20 years) and know each other well enough, you should both know AND be able to talk about when surprises aren't a good idea.

You know what, I think LET RIP on here!

it’s okay to feel conflicting feelings and big feelings and childish feelings and adult rationality.

Get it all out. You don’t have to tell him all of it!

Because you were upset on your birthday when he spent nothing.

Discreetly sell it on ebay after Christmas? (Slowly so he doesn't notice)

I mean yes that's good advice :) I use mumsnet for things I feel a bit childishly pissed off about all the time!

This.

This is why I give DH a list with strict instructions not to deviate from it

I know it's not in the spirit blah blah blah.

Maybe show more respect for your partner and not open gifts he's bought for you ahead of time? If my partner acted the way you did/have done in the past then I'd put zero effort in as you can never win.

You're clearly someone who is difficult to please so tell him exactly what you want because he's never going to get it right.

You're the issue here, not him.

So what are you upset about? The presents not being what you like? Him having spent too much money? Or still upset about your birthday?

Yeh but when people do that, you always get some old goat bleating about 'cost of living crisis, can't afford to put my heating on, be grateful you have a partner, my mum died and I'd give anything to have her back, my partner is shite so you should also put up with a mediocre one'. Whilst telling you to be grateful for a lump of coal.

If it helps my partner went all out one year and bought me "my favourite" chanel perfume.

It wasnt in a box and so he'd bought it cheap off ebay or something and it wasn't the chanel perfume I liked.

I felt soooo bad being disappointed.

DP doesn’t know when his mum’s birthday is and I buy and organise everything. He only gets for me. Eg last week… ‘shit it was (insert HIS goddaughter’s name) birthday last week. I feel so bad I completely forgot!’ To which I responded I gave X’s mum a card at (another child’s) birthday party. I asked her a few months ago what she wanted and she said she would like (activity). I organised it with X’s mum and we are all meeting at the activity on X date. The activity she requested and the time was written in the card for her to open on her birthday.

@Dawb I know it's not an excuse but some people genuinely are rubbish with birthdays