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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I opened Xmas gifts early and hate them :(

332 replies

Dawb · 03/12/2022 09:44

So DP has taken DD to soft play this morning (rare). I’m using the time to have a clean around and found a box from my favourite website shop and decided to open it. I know very bad. I realised it was my Xmas gifts and still chose to open it while no one was in. The website isn’t designer or major expensive, but not cheap either.

The box contains nothing I like at all. The site sells different brands (think retro) and I’ve never heard of a few of them in the box. A few others completely inappropriate (think allergies to cosmetics).

I feel so so mean literally not liking any of it. He has spent I would say at least £150 on a load of expensive tat. I wouldn’t wear or use any of it.

DP is far from romantic. He does try but I think due to his upbringing he is a bit of a robot. I feel so so mean telling him - ‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’. I’m also feeling a bit down that he really hasn’t got a clue - and probably never will.

Apart from not being romantic or spontaneous he is a lovely partner. Can’t discuss with my best friend as her DP is being such a CF at the moment and would kill for a DP like mine. What do I do? Please help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dawb · 03/12/2022 10:26

Hit the nail on the head thanks!

OP posts:
chocolateisavegetable · 03/12/2022 10:26

Definitely a wishlist from now on OP. I have mine on Amazon every year - DH just has to click “add to basket” a few times and check out. He will also get a surprise - but it doesn’t matter if he gets it right or not because I mainly have things I asked for

Axolotlquestions · 03/12/2022 10:27

"I was tidying and came across this box while tidying, and opened it. I'm afraid I realised too late they were probably gifts for me, but I have to be honest - you've wasted your money. Can you get the money back? Maybe we could use it to go out for a romantic meal instead?"

Original poster
Dawb · 03/12/2022 10:28

you are a rare breed on mumsnet! Rational and reasonable 👏👏👏. And yes I’m ranting on here so people I know in real life don’t think I’m selfish and ungrateful. I try so hard for others I do get upset when the same isn’t given back.

OP posts:
FettleOfKish · 03/12/2022 10:28

@Dawb So your DP gets a totally free pass from having anything to do with any gifts for family and friends, and then you expect him to somehow be an expert when it comes to yours?

Agree with PPs it sounds like he's gone overboard because you were upset at your birthday, but honestly it sounds like you just need to communicate properly with him and stop dreaming of a wonderful perfectly selected gift which is obviously outside of his skill set.

Axolotlquestions · 03/12/2022 10:28

Tubs11 · 03/12/2022 10:22

Maybe show more respect for your partner and not open gifts he's bought for you ahead of time? If my partner acted the way you did/have done in the past then I'd put zero effort in as you can never win.

You're clearly someone who is difficult to please so tell him exactly what you want because he's never going to get it right.

You're the issue here, not him.

This is an odious response.

RethinkingLife · 03/12/2022 10:29

You could tell him that you took a look at the gifts and were wondering who the intended recipients are.

If he says they're for you. Explain that you appreciate the thought but they're not appropriate. It's far better that you get even a store credit to choose your own items. (I likewise can't bear waste and this would be.)

MarianneVos · 03/12/2022 10:31

Dawb · 03/12/2022 10:24

DP doesn’t know when his mum’s birthday is and I buy and organise everything. He only gets for me. Eg last week… ‘shit it was (insert HIS goddaughter’s name) birthday last week. I feel so bad I completely forgot!’ To which I responded I gave X’s mum a card at (another child’s) birthday party. I asked her a few months ago what she wanted and she said she would like (activity). I organised it with X’s mum and we are all meeting at the activity on X date. The activity she requested and the time was written in the card for her to open on her birthday.

Stop enabling this and leave it to him from now on.

Original poster
Dawb · 03/12/2022 10:33

Outside his skill set is so true! This is why I set a £10 limit! To avoid a bigger waste. He has many other qualities. Reliable, kind good father. Friends DP are womanizers, gamblers, drink lots and use drugs ect so I feel so bad being mean when apart from being romantic and spontaneous he is a good bloke!

OP posts:
CovertImage · 03/12/2022 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

butterfliedtwo · 03/12/2022 10:34

Dawb · 03/12/2022 10:14

Why set a £10 limit to then go and do the opposite? If your going to be defiant do it well.

Maybe because you said you wanted nothing for your birthday and cried when he believed you.

Original poster
Dawb · 03/12/2022 10:35

🙈🙈🙈. Let people have their anonymous opinions. I for one would never be mean to someone on an online platform and would rather give constructive advice- but let them do them.

OP posts:
Bestcatmum · 03/12/2022 10:36

I can't be doing with guessing what people want, if they don't give me a clue they don't get anything.
Just give him a list for goodness sake.

TimeForMeToF1y · 03/12/2022 10:36

Dawb · 03/12/2022 10:28

you are a rare breed on mumsnet! Rational and reasonable 👏👏👏. And yes I’m ranting on here so people I know in real life don’t think I’m selfish and ungrateful. I try so hard for others I do get upset when the same isn’t given back.

It's frustrating not knowing which replies you like, are you able to use the quote function? I don't want to repeat something that you've already acknowledged

ancientgran · 03/12/2022 10:37

I had to give up on DHs presents years ago. On Monday we are having a day out to our nearest city. We will have a nice day, visit the Christmas market, have lunch out and I pick my present. It is actually a nice tradition, he has no stress and I get something I like.

I buy him a surprise which he prefers.

TwoRockSalmonAndAHaporthOfChips · 03/12/2022 10:38

If you set a limit of £10, why assume any or all of what you found is for you?

harriethoyle · 03/12/2022 10:39

OP, you should have set a limit for cost of gifts, then all this would have been avoided 🤷🏻‍♀️

MountainChalet · 03/12/2022 10:39

You're already getting a holiday,anything else it's a bonus. Why are you moaning?

Outfor150 · 03/12/2022 10:41

harriethoyle · 03/12/2022 10:39

OP, you should have set a limit for cost of gifts, then all this would have been avoided 🤷🏻‍♀️

She did set a limit! £10.

category12 · 03/12/2022 10:43

Outfor150 · 03/12/2022 10:41

She did set a limit! £10.

Show quote history

So you're saying she set a limit 🤔.

RandomPerson42 · 03/12/2022 10:44

You need to either learn to be grateful or send him a list of things you like in advance for him to choose from. I no longer buy surprises for my other half for this exact reason.

keepyertrapshut · 03/12/2022 10:48

Slightly off topic but I’m amazed by the people on here who would tell someone they didn’t like the present and then get them to return it. I never, ever tell people I don’t like what they’ve bought for me - especially DH. I think it’s so rude and ungrateful. I’ve told DH this as well as he used to tell me when he didn’t like a present and wanted it returned.

Maybe I’m in the wrong but I think as long as you can tell someone has tried to be thoughtful, you should always accept graciously and kindly. I have expensive jewellery that wouldn’t have been my choice and DH always tells me to tell him if I want to choose something else, but I never would because he’s worked hard to pick something he thinks I’ll like. I have multiple copies of books that people have bought me (have to take one to the charity shop) because I wouldn’t say “I’ve read this already”. I just think it’s so rude! When would you say it - immediately on opening?

I’m wondering reading these responses if I’ve been harsh on DH over the years!

Verbena17 · 03/12/2022 10:51

If it was me and I knew it was a lot of money, I might let it drop that I had come across it by accident and you know you shouldn’t have opened it but now you have, you think it would be wasted. Then explain that he could return it and you could then give him a list from the website of stuff you would use and he can pick things from that list.

Then make sure in the future, you come to an agreement of no surprise gifts over a certain amount, in case they’re not liked.

whatausername · 03/12/2022 10:52

Joyfuljolly · 03/12/2022 10:06

Yes but when you told him you didn’t want anything you then cried all day and made him feel shit, so he’s trying not to make rhe same mistake again of actually believing you

Show quote history

Exactly this. He sounds kind, thoughtful and like he listens to you. You sound demanding, ungrateful and a drama queen. Get over yourself and try being nicer to the other person in this relationship. You keep whinging about the £10 limit when 1. it's blatantly obvious that you're now using it as an excuse to bemoan the fact he didn't buy what you wanted, and 2. last time he took you at your word (because that's what adults do, they don't mind read or play games) you got upset and bawled your eyes out. Give over 🙄

harriethoyle · 03/12/2022 10:53

category12 · 03/12/2022 10:43

So you're saying she set a limit 🤔.

Show quote history

I don't think it's AT ALL clear @category12 🤣

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