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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I opened Xmas gifts early and hate them :(

332 replies

Dawb · 03/12/2022 09:44

So DP has taken DD to soft play this morning (rare). I’m using the time to have a clean around and found a box from my favourite website shop and decided to open it. I know very bad. I realised it was my Xmas gifts and still chose to open it while no one was in. The website isn’t designer or major expensive, but not cheap either.

The box contains nothing I like at all. The site sells different brands (think retro) and I’ve never heard of a few of them in the box. A few others completely inappropriate (think allergies to cosmetics).

I feel so so mean literally not liking any of it. He has spent I would say at least £150 on a load of expensive tat. I wouldn’t wear or use any of it.

DP is far from romantic. He does try but I think due to his upbringing he is a bit of a robot. I feel so so mean telling him - ‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’. I’m also feeling a bit down that he really hasn’t got a clue - and probably never will.

Apart from not being romantic or spontaneous he is a lovely partner. Can’t discuss with my best friend as her DP is being such a CF at the moment and would kill for a DP like mine. What do I do? Please help!

OP posts:
WTAFhappened123 · 04/12/2022 22:38

Is anyone else thinking about Emma Thompson from Love Actually and the wife won’t be opening these on Christmas Day…

salsquiggle · 04/12/2022 22:47

Let’s just hope you don’t get a ‘Love Actually’ moment! That would be absolutely horrendous.

shasha21 · 04/12/2022 22:58

Omg just pretend you like them? It would be so rude and ungrateful to not.

CheesyFucker · 04/12/2022 23:35

Dawb · 03/12/2022 18:38

Hahaha we both work from home. He is in love with another woman, she is white, curvy and can be red hot. His ps5. He booked off 2 days annuL leave when she first got released - and is truly special to him. I’m unconventional in the fact I don’t mind 3 of us in this relationship.

Show quote history

OP. I love your reply. My men have these women in their lives as well. One is an organ, the other is a train simulated and the other other is a square shape moving image maker lol. Just enjoy your lovely man and kiddo. When you try in the clothes you might really really like them x

Mamanyt · 04/12/2022 23:37

Make what you can of it this Christmas. Then, after Christmas, maybe in the spring, tell him, "You know, I am never quite sure what to get you for Christmas. We're both adults. Let's exchange a gift list next year, with several items we'd love to have on it, and we can each pick something from the list for each other!"

Salome61 · 04/12/2022 23:40

I hope you can pretend to be delighted, it is the thought and the effort that counts.

I was really hurt recently, I saw something I thought my daughter would like, and bought it and posted it to her. She rang me to say she was glad I'd thought of her, but she was short of money at the moment and upset I'd wasted my money on something I knew she probably wouldn't like. I suggested she gift it to someone or sell it. I won't be buying her anything else, only things she asks for.

Silvers11 · 04/12/2022 23:51

When I was young - as in a child and all through the rest of her life - my Mother was like you. Hated to see Money wasted and couldn't even wait until Christmas Day was past to tell me not to waste my Money because she didn't like the present because '' you name it, there was a reason''. It was so hurtful and I am nearly 70 now, and the sting is still every bit as hurtful as it was over all the years, so please don't do this to your husband. You sound really, really ungrateful.

Would it really hurt you to suck it up this year, pretend to like them and be thrilled to bits? You might not appreciate the present, but if you love your husband it would be kind to to think about his feelings instead of your own? You sound very selfish if I am being honest.

Then do what others have said and in the spring, make a suggestion about doing wish lists throughout the year that you can choose from?

For Info, my husband is useless at picking presents - so for many years I have 'suggested' to him things that I would like and indeed have actually bought some items myself ( after discussion with him) which I have given to him to wrap. Would love to get surprises, but that doesn't work, so at least this is a compromise!

T1Dmama · 05/12/2022 00:01

Hopefully you can exchange
them, be tactful and say how thoughtful the gifts are but could you exchange the ones you are allergic to for something else… then just exchange more of the gifts without saying too much.
I’m glad you know how lucky you are…. I haven’t received a present from my (soon to be ex) husband for a very long time…. Not even gifts from our daughter.. This year, my first as a single mum & my daughters added presents to my shopping cart.. it will be lovely spending the morning with her, and knowing how thrilled she is to give me
some presents. She used to be so sad, saying ‘I asked Daddy to take me shopping to get you something…’ I’ve always told her she’s all I need for Christmas… but we all love to give a gift to show love

Original poster
Dawb · 05/12/2022 00:11

NDMum · 04/12/2022 22:32

18,000 views and in the newspaper 😂

Ffs please tell me this is a joke 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

OP posts:
Dawbie · 05/12/2022 00:28

Shewhomustbeobeyed1 · 04/12/2022 22:19

Well done Dawbie!!!
God - there are soooooo many bitter individuals on here.
Dawb has very kindly thanked everyone for their help including you harridans and you’re still carping on. Shame on you. 🙄

Thanks for your nice message. Loving the Dawbie name so much I’ve stolen it 😃😃😃

Looby57 · 05/12/2022 01:45

i think you should be ashamed of yourself. Hope ur partner sees sense and leaves you for someone who isn’t so ungrateful

Miisty · 05/12/2022 02:28

I drop hints all year eg perfume (Chanel 5) love he finally got it after 40 plus years worst electric carving knife .I know but my own as he doesn’t do internet shopping He have the wrong present idea to his mum Estée Lauder Tweed spelt like a toilet (on me) I had never asked for it as I knew it wasn’t a scent for me I had my 1st Christmas Eve didn’t get a card from his parents or flowers or buy anything for first grandchild could never understand them Good luck on your holiday enjoy it

Kennykenkencat · 05/12/2022 03:58

Looby57 · 05/12/2022 01:45

i think you should be ashamed of yourself. Hope ur partner sees sense and leaves you for someone who isn’t so ungrateful

I am always ungrateful to people who give me things I am allergic to

Would you give someone a jar of peanut butter if they were allergic to peanuts and expect them to be grateful.

NDMum · 05/12/2022 05:58

@Dawb nope the Sun!

NDMum · 05/12/2022 06:03

@Ahhbiscuits found in on the Sun website

category12 · 05/12/2022 06:38

I got quoted in the Sun. What a proud day. 😣😶

But what of the defiance of the £10 limit?! State of journalism today.

Tubs11 · 05/12/2022 06:44

Can you really not see how abusive and controlling your behaviour is? Him panic buying gifts is a symptom of that. The pound shop idea is a terrible one because you will blow up at him again in the future - guaranteed!
Just make a wishlist that he can access and at least that way you'll minimise the chance of you having an emotional outburst and get something you actually want.
I also don't understand the 5* and miserable women comment, it's very narsastic to think anyone giving you advice can't afford such things 🙄

Dawbie · 05/12/2022 08:34

Tubs11 · 05/12/2022 06:44

Can you really not see how abusive and controlling your behaviour is? Him panic buying gifts is a symptom of that. The pound shop idea is a terrible one because you will blow up at him again in the future - guaranteed!
Just make a wishlist that he can access and at least that way you'll minimise the chance of you having an emotional outburst and get something you actually want.
I also don't understand the 5* and miserable women comment, it's very narsastic to think anyone giving you advice can't afford such things 🙄

Oh bore off. I’ll have you know I will think the £1 idea is GENUS because it’s my idea 😂😂😂 Add that to your the OP is a narcissist like and smoke it.

I thanked so many nice and understanding women personally for their advice. Quite frankly it’s a good job that the gifts weren’t for another woman that he has been having an affair with. Remember being kind? I always think people who are horrible are because they are miserable themselves. I wouldn’t ever give anyone grief on an online platform but I let them huns do them. Water off a ducks back.

Flashingtealights · 05/12/2022 10:59

You wouldn’t ever give anyone grief on an online platform .!!
Lmao, no you save it all for your poor henpecked DH

Lentilweaver · 05/12/2022 12:40

I am really glad I don't do Xmas. I would certainly get everyone's gifts wrong and then be in the papers!

Venicelagoon · 05/12/2022 13:13

I love this particular post.

You are amazingly lucky to get a Christmas present costing this much money from a husband who is aware you have a favourite website. Maybe he bought you the kind of expensive things HE would like you to use. Are you saying he has no taste at all ? Not sure what your problem is. You're going to have to go through all the "just what I wanted" lie like everyone else at Christmas and exchange it all quickly or put on Ebay.

sobby · 05/12/2022 15:40

I actually understand as I’ve been there many times. Presents that I would never use hook into my childhood of always getting something that I didn’t ask for instead of the present I wanted as a young child.

I just feel that when I get something that isn’t me or I wouldn’t use that my family or friends don’t know me or buy me something without thought.
i really make an effort with gifts for everyone.

Now I just buy my own gifts with the saved money from all the recycled gifting I do :)

ohyouknowwhatshername · 05/12/2022 20:45

I don't think the people suggesting an affair were all being unkind. It does happen a lot and I expect they just wanted you to consider it.

I think your update is great - I love a happy ending. Hope you have a great holiday.

TwoRockSalmonAndAHaporthOfChips · 05/12/2022 21:12

Just one thing, OP. Not everyone who disagrees with you is doing it because they are jealous of you. That’s an amazingly arrogant way to go through life. Imagining you couldn’t possibly be wrong and thinking anyone else is just jealous of your faaaabulous life isn’t the best way to win friends and influence people. Sometimes we can learn a lot through a little humility.

I’m very glad your scenario has worked out to your satisfaction. Enjoy your sunny Christmas holiday. It would be my idea of hell, so I’m not at all jealous.