My husband wakes me up between 4-5 am and thinks it's reasonable

[Tiredbehyondbelief]

Hi there, I would appreciate your opinion. I work full-time as a NHS midwife on the labour ward. I work full-time and my commute is 1.5 hours each way. I work 12.5 hours shifts with 1 hour break. Sometimes I have to work for 8 hours before getting my break, sometimes I get no break at all. If I am lucky I would have a 10 mins tea break. On most shifts, it's just 1 hour break and that's it. So I am mostly working not stop, either from 07:30 am to 8 pm or from 7:30 pm to 08:00 the following morning. I love my job but it's also very stressful as women are in pain, partners are anxious etc. So my job is very demanding, physically, emotionally and mentally as I am responsible for the life of the mother and the baby. (It's upon me to spot any deviation from the normal and call a doctor if I suspect things are going wrong). My husband is on the other hand works in a DIY store 4 times a week 6 hours at a time. He is guaranteed to have 15 mins paid break in the middle of his shift. His commute is 5 mins as the store is round the corner. The job is fairly demanding and he has to lift heavy objects when a delivery comes in. Our biggest issue at home is my sleep. I am constantly exhausted as I am constantly swithcing between night and day shifts. Plus, if I have 2 shifts in a row, which happens a lot, I only manage 5-6 hours rest between shifts. My husband sometimes needs to get up at 4 am for his work. He keeps forgetting to take his staff downstairs the night before so that he keeps coming back into the bedroom until I am fully awake. Then I spend my morning and early afternoon walking like a zombie until I manage to doze off for 1 hour in the afternoon. My husband thinks I am placing unreasonable demands on him to remember to get everything he needs for work the night before. Your opinion on this matter would be much appreciated

He is being unreasonable.

He’s being unreasonable. Why is he just working 4 shifts when you’ve got all of that on your plate, or does he step up in other ways?

Your DH is an absolute tool. And not very bright if he can't plan what he will need the following day and put stuff out ready. Is he this selfish in other areas?

He is way beyond unreasonable.

My daughter gets her stuff ready the night before. She’s 10. I’m sure your husband can manage it. He’s being VU.

Does he fully understand that tiredness could mean you crash your car whilst commuting? Does he fully understand an exhausted midwife could make a fatal error at work?

What a twat.

My XH was a copper. There were many reasons we split up, but he always got his uniform ready the night before and crept out the bedroom without disturbing me. He’d come and give me a sleepy kiss before he left, which I liked, and that was it. That’s the grown up approach.

He is resentful of what he sees as your "lie in" (LOL) and wrecking it on purpose. "If I have to get up, this lazy bitch should as well!"

Sleep deprivation is a recognised form of torture that has been used for centuries to break prisoners. It has a long lasting effect not just on the mind but also the body.

I doubt this is the only shitty thing he does.

I think I'd say if he doesn't have the very basic intelligence required to get his shit together the previous night, then he sleeps in a separate room. Permanently.

How have you not murdered him yet?

He is a twat.

Of course he is being unreasonable! He needs to get organised; or one of you needs to sleep in a different room on those nights. If he is arguing that you are being unreasonable in expecting an unbroken night's sleep, he also appears to have had an empathy bypass and needs some serious reflection time!

The fact that he doesn't even care when you raise it is the main issue here.

You've clearly told him the effect it has on you, and there is such a simple solution. That he chooses not to do something so minor (put an outfit downstairs each evening) is him telling you crystal clear how very little he cares about you.

Assuming youre married to adult it would take him less than 5 mins before he goes to bed to put out all his workclothes, shoes by the door etc. Towels and washstuff in the bathroom. Lack of sleep is torture and he's being a d*!

I don't understand why you are questioning this at all? If you just wanted a big rant fair enough but surely you must know that he is being 100% unreasonable.

He is absolutely in wrong here. Any chance of separate bedrooms? If he can't be respectful you need your own room away from him.

my dh when he got up early always used to get dressed in another room or the bathroom or in the dark
as i do

What an arse.

I used to have a 4:30 alarm and I’d dress in a different room without fail.

now we have an extra bedroom, if I need to get up early I sleep separate to DP.

Of course he's being unreasonable. How difficult can it possibly be to sort himself out the night before? If he forgets things, perhaps he should write himself a list to make sure that he doesn't forget again.

You need a new absolute rule, if he forgets his stuff he has to manage with what he can find downstairs.
Or, you sleep in a different room on the nights when he might be a pain.
You really must prioritise your sleep.

I get my stuff ready the night before as I get up a good hour before my dh. It's common curtesy.

Yes or smacks of him not actually caring about your inconvenience/health/hard work.

Your husband is a dickhead of the highest order. He is selfish and doesn't have any empathy.
If I was to guess, I'd suspect he leaves you to do most of the mental load at home as well.

Why dosen't he get a proper job?

He's a fucking arsehole.

I wish it worked that way. I know all to well how someone can mess with your mind till you'd be questioning yourself on the most ridiculous things. Then even if there's a whole chorus of people telling you he's wrong you still can't quite believe it.

You know he’s being unreasonable. He needs to man up and sort his shit out