Thank you so much for your replies to my latest posts. My friends here on MN - and I do think of you as friends - kept me going during one of the darkest periods of my life.
I am , of course, delighted to have seen my DD and DGC, and I am scheduled to visit again immediately before Christmas. In fact, the last trip was a bit last minute. A few months earlier, LB had been on a course on how to artificially inseminate cows, manually (which apparently causes great discomfort to the cow), and was away for a week. I offered to stay with DD1 in order to keep her company and help out, but also because I did not want her to be alone and isolated. She was very keen on the idea, but I knew that LB was likely to block it, which he did. I received a WhatsApp message the next day saying that she couldn't 'entertain' me, because of her 'responsibilities' on the smallholding. I said that's fine, I understand, and left it at that, disappointed but not surprised.
In the event, the week turned out to be gruelling for her, as one of the cows was seriously ill and would have died if the neighbours had not come to her rescue. She was very stressed by the whole situation. It was not the first time that LB had left her alone, as he had gone off with his parents for five days, earlier in the year, to attend a family funeral. So when LB was proposing to go off again, for the third time, in order to visit his DGP in England, for the purpose of picking up their car (offered to him as they don't drive much these days), DD asked me if I would stay, which of course I said I would. The original plan was that LB's DP would drive to Ireland, using the ferry, and pick him up and drive him to the Midlands for him to collect the car, which he would then drive back. He was going to take the DGDs for one last visit, as a thank you for the car.
However, his DP did not go, DD1 said because FIL waiting for a date for surgery. They had also just moved house and were in rented accommodation whilst waiting to complete on a new house, so had a lot going on, but it seems there was more to it than that. Anyway, DD1 was obviously keen to see me, so asked me if I would go anyway, which I did, but LB was there instead of my having a few days with DD1 and the DGC. In fact, LB went to pick up the free car last weekend, but did not take the DGDs, and was there and back in a very short space of time, so I doubt if he did much more than have a cup of tea with his DGPs (the ones who gave him a substantial sum of money to buy his first house).
LB is also going away again, to his sister's wedding in England next Spring, but DD1 will be left with her 'responsibilities' on the small holding. His sister wanted the DGDS to be flower girls, but LB told me, when he was driving me from the airport, that his sister had no understanding of their responsibilities. She is a full time teacher and DD1 says that she is a lovely person, very close to the DP, who have now sold up and moved to be nearer to her and to FIL's parents, who are old and frail. Apparently, LB's sister will not hear anything bad said about her DP, and sounds like a loving and loyal daughter.
I have the impression that there is some sibling rivalry going on, with LB feeling that his sister is the favourite, and I think that this has probably made him resentful and that he is using withdrawal of the DGC to punish his parents. DD told me that she and LB feel that his DP visit only to see the DGD and take no notice of them; also that they spoil and overstimulate the DGC with too much attention and too many gifts, to the extent where the DGC's routine and sleeping patterns are affected. They also resent the extra work involved in catering for them ie making meals or cups of tea (the DP don't stay in the house but come in their camper van) although, from what I can gather, DD1 does all of the extra work and LB doesn't even make them a cup of tea.
Of more concern is the fact that LB's DPs apparently think that he is too harsh with the DGC and leave the room when he 'disciplines' them, as they become upset by it, and DD says that it creates an atmosphere. She feels that it is undermining LB's authority and that they just want the DGC to be well behaved, but that DGD1 is very bright and is already picking up the signals from LB's DP. She doesn't think that LB's DP give him enough praise or credit for things.
I don't think that LB hits the DGC and I am sure that DD1 would not tolerate any ill treatment of them. I didn't observe any ill treatment, although he did speak sharply to the DGDs a few times. He just stayed outside, working on one of the outbuildings, whilst I was there, apart from coming in for his meals, so I didn't have much of an opportunity to observe their interaction. However, DD1 does everything for the DGC and they have a very close bond, whereas I didn't observe LB doing anything. I doubt he has ever changed a nappy in his life, and DD1 does all of the cooking and cleaning. DGS is very clingy to her. I see problems further down the line, when the DGC begin to develop their own ideas but, in the meantime, I propose to be a presence and support for my DD in the background, someone she can talk to if needed, and I think that this is already starting to happen. Softly, softly, is the way to go.
And I am very happy say that the cows put up a valiant defence, that neither were inseminated, and that LB had quite an uncomfortable few hours - in fact, many hours apparently! 🤣