Nobody came to my party

[ScrabbleChamp64]

I honestly can’t believe I am typing this but I am so heartbroken I feel like I need to vent it somewhere.

My fiancé arranged me a surprise party for my big birthday this year. He went to a lot of effort with food and drink and decorating the house and told me that he had arranged for all my friends to some and celebrate with me.

We would be starting mid afternoon so that those who had long drives would be able to leave earlier and still be here a decent amount of time. He put up a gazebo with a heater because he was worried about room in our living room and had a couple of friends and his parents come and set it all up while he took me out so that it was a surprise.

Only one friend who doesn’t live down the road came. I really appreciate her. Nobody else bothered and I am utterly heartbroken.

How do I even begin to feel better about this? My fiancé wanted me to feel like a princess on my birthday but I can’t stop crying and I feel terrible because he went to so much effort.

How old are you and how close are you to these people?

And what did the the messages to them and from them say?

Why say ‘nobody turned up’ when people clearly did?

I don't do bonfire night because I'm not in England but it was bonfire night? How good was your fiancé at chasing rsvps ?

I did a surprise party for DH many years ago. It was bloody hard work. I invited everyone and they were all coming, then reminded them all and many had forgotten/acted like it'd never been mentioned before. Then 3 said they'd "pop in" and I said well, no, the point of a surprise party is being there for a surprise! Never again. I'm not blaming your fiance at all but I find the majority of people are disorgnaised and shit with planning.

Awww, that’s awful, I feel for both of you, your fiancé did a lovely thing for you. You’ve got a keeper there.
Similar happened on my Hen do 44 years ago, just two people,turned up and they were who I worked with. I sat in all my hen do splendour, L plate on my back, plastic Willy strapped to my waist and cried.
After an hour of looking and feeling like crap I ditched the Willy, the L plates and , veil and the three of us had a good laugh.
Happy birthday. 🍾🎂

It was my 30th. I thought they were close friends, all known at least 10 years and see each other several times a year.

We have our wedding coming up and now I’m worried if people will bother coming to my hen do/wedding

Your thread title is wrong, people did come to your party.

depends on how far you expect people to travel for a house party and how far in advance the invite was.

Oh, I see. That does seem a little off then. Perhaps next time you see them you could try and find out why they weren't able to make it.

Try not to dwell on it too much for now though. Your OH did a really nice thing and people came to celebrate with you🙂

I believe 2 things will have contributed to this .
Distance- how far to travel ?
it’s not easy with busy lives to go a few hours journey there and back of a weekend and hours for a party in between.
takes out a full day for something that is not a major event like a wedding .
the actual day - Bonfire night .
Yesterday evening was the first in 18 years that I went out and did something not fireworks related as previously I had young children who wanted to participate in that .
it’s a big night for them … they are too old to care now .

You can’t help your birthday but unfortunately for you it clashes with an event on most people’s calendar .
Possibly something to consider in future if you wished to host ?

I have a friend who has her birthday today … she has always spent her birthday with her husband and had her parties either the weekend before or after bonfire night gif this reason .

a very happy birthday 🥳 to you

I am the planner in our relationship. He never plans or organises anything and when we have people over I always host. I think he was trying to show me that he could do it and now he is feeling crap as well

It’s hurtful OP. Your own friends made zero effort but your fiancé’s did and that’s worth something.

i went out on my own for my 21st because all my so called friends bailed last minute with a preference to work. I had a ball regardless! It shows you who your real friends are and I think you’re fiancés friends are your new real friends.

‘Nobody came to my party’

*Reveals that at least 8 people did go to the party.

For that YABU

However, I understand your disappointment that people you thought were friends didn’t show.

YABU - people came.

They may not have been given enough notice, they may not have been given all the details, they may not have been familiar with the area (again going back to them maybe not having all the details). Was it a weekday/night or a weekend?

You had people there. I've genuinely had no one come to some of my bdays.

I’m sorry for the misleading title. I did think I implied in the OP that I was talking about non-local people not coming 😕

Come off it, Bonfire night is hardly up there as a major event in people's calendars is it?

It is humiliating for op though to have local friends from her partners side all turn up but none of her old friends there, especially if it was talked during the event that the op's friends were going to attend. I get you op. I threw a first bday party this summer for my ds who never had a proper bday since he was born due to covid and a few of my friends didn't turn up despite confirming and on the day saying they were making their way. I was so hurt and never again will I ever invite them. It just makes you feel shit.

Having organised these sort of things for work, getting firm rsvp's is the key. People are flakey and often wait to see if there's something else they'd rather do, particularly if it involves long drives. Someone would have to be top level special to me for me to travel more than 30 minutes for just a few hours AND put my social face on and get dressed up nice. It's unfortunate, but it true.

Yabu with your misleading post! That looks like NO-ONE showed up to a massive perfectly organised surprise party. When actually loads of people were there just not the ones you wanted

Yes that’s exactly it. I love my fiancé’s friends we have known each other a long time but I have always talked about “my friend from so and so” etc. The house was set up for a big party and now it looks as though all these people don’t exist or don’t care about me and that’s why it’s so sad

No you knew what you were doing.

people cancel
people dont always attend
was it raining?
you had people come after all

appreciate and take pleasure in those that wanted to make the effort op

No, but lots of people do make plans in advance and buy tickets to displays ect.

Do you know something about their financial situation? That might be the reason. Everyone saving. People simply can't afford travel costs+gift+some drinks, etc. Especially when Christmas is behind the corner. I refused lots of invitations this autumn. I'll attend only my best friend's birthday party.

Have they explained why they didn't come?

If planning was poor then understand it might of clashed with something else. Or people can be ill just have a lot on. If not they should of apologized to your DH for not attending. If not they not friends.

I am the planner in our relationship. He never plans or organises anything and when we have people over I always host. I think he was trying to show me that he could do it and now he is feeling crap as well

Planning events is quite difficult if you're not used to doing it. It's a learning curve and you can't expect to take no interest in hosting, helping with or organising things and then be able to pull off the perfect party the first time you do it on your own. He would have done better to have kept it small and started with a family party or a weekend away rather than a surprise party.