Nobody came to my party

[ScrabbleChamp64]

I honestly can’t believe I am typing this but I am so heartbroken I feel like I need to vent it somewhere.

My fiancé arranged me a surprise party for my big birthday this year. He went to a lot of effort with food and drink and decorating the house and told me that he had arranged for all my friends to some and celebrate with me.

We would be starting mid afternoon so that those who had long drives would be able to leave earlier and still be here a decent amount of time. He put up a gazebo with a heater because he was worried about room in our living room and had a couple of friends and his parents come and set it all up while he took me out so that it was a surprise.

Only one friend who doesn’t live down the road came. I really appreciate her. Nobody else bothered and I am utterly heartbroken.

How do I even begin to feel better about this? My fiancé wanted me to feel like a princess on my birthday but I can’t stop crying and I feel terrible because he went to so much effort.

I wouldn't have thought that people would prioritise Bonfire night over a friend's 30th tbh.

Were partners also invited?

The "distance" friends-are they a group or individuals?

I can see that one or two might not have wanted to travel if they were nervous about not knowing anyone else there.

But then again-clarify/decline!

Did your friends acknowledge your fiancé's message? How did he contact them, did they definitely see the invite?

Oh that’s horrible :( people are awful. It’s definitely them and not you that’s the problem

This. Have lots of happy times with him, including a wonderful birthday with him next year,.

Don't invite them to your wedding or hen do and ditch the whole princess for a day thing, you are 30, not 5. They aren't your friends but it sounds like you do have friends and plenty did turn up to your party so yabu.

Did they wish you a happy birthday? Or send cards/gifts? Since they live far away I would expect them to if they were close friends.
Them not wishing me a happy birthday would me a worse feeling I think

And happy birthday! X

So sorry this happened - there seems to be an epidemic of flakiness everywhere. People don't seem to realise that yes, it DOES matter to people if you drop out last minute.

If it's any consolation, I wouldn't even have eight local friends to invite lol. Sounds like you have a fiance who really loves and cares for you too x

My 31 year old daughter is about to become homeless with her husband and pets.
The landlord has decided to sell up which I don’t believe is the case because my daughter and her husband brought a puppy but didn’t inform the landlord and he saw them walk the puppy and within 3 days they are giving a section 21.

My daughter then makes the decision that she is going to move back home into my house with husband , 2 cats 1 Labrador and fish.

I do not have a spare bedroom but my loft has been DIY into a room with a sky light but that was used many years ago 10+ as a space where my then teenager kids could go to have quiet time or do course work etc as I have 4 kids so they shared bed rooms 2 in each.
It is not officially a bedroom so definitely can’t be used as one as to access it you go up a ladder.

My daughter wanted to use this space as a bedroom for her and her husband and stay for a maximum 1 year while they saved up money/ paid of their debts etc.

I told her that they couldn’t move in that I definitely didn’t have the room and that I didn’t want 2 cats and a puppy in the house.

I and my husband are both classed as disabled ( no we don’t claim Benefits due to my husbands Armed forces pension) so even if we had the room if she stayed it would never be due to losing out on benefits.

Anyway she then went mad at me became verbally aggressive via video call and then text that I was a evil woman for leaving her to live on the streets and that she was going to commit suicide and on and on it went she said I never ever helped her when in fact I have done the opposite I am actually now left with no spare money as the little bit I had saved up over a few years she has slowly taken from me saying she had no money could she borrow some to buy food etc and always said will pay me back it was just over £400 but that was all I had and it had taken me a long time to have saved that up and she has taken all that and now I will never get it back.
I never want to see any of my kid’s struggle and if myself and their dad can help them we always have done as we struggled a lot when we were younger.

But the worst part of this is that I have grown up and since I was 13 years old have know my dad wasn’t my real dad anyway beginning of this year i did DNA test found my dad had sadly passed away but i had 4 half siblings who had always known about me because my dad never ever forgot me.
Anyway I have got to know them especially one sister very very much and we chat every day.
well my daughter contacted the sister and the brother who I don’t chat to as much but still is happy to have me as his sister and said how evil and nasty i am and not to believe anything I say etc and it has broken me , How can she go to such low levels and do this to me after I have tried to find my dad for 40+ years , The sister I speak to every day says she doesn’t want to be involved and I have agreed with her that my daughter should not be dragging in my newly found family who are on the other side of the family into something she has caused her self it is upsetting as well as embarrassing and because I am still getting to know them they could actually decide i am not someone they want it their lives.

I have refused to speak to her at the moment but she had removed all forms of communication anyway.

what else was I meant to do I just don’t have the room.

Belated Happy Birthday OP

onward and upward.

@ScrabbleChamp64 You titled the thread 'no one came to my party.'

You might feel better if you reframe this, as it's not actually the case.

Only one friend who doesn’t live down the road came.

So, some people came. Focus on that. Plus, you're in the position where you've found out which people are the most reliable and interested in you.

I had something similar recently and it bloody hurts. I invited all my work friends to mine for my birthday and only 3 ended up coming. It was a big thing for me to invite them because I don't live in a great area and I have a tiny house that desperately needs a new bathroom and kitchen.

However, when someone else had a party at her much nicer house almost everyone went.

It's upsetting and shit but try not to take it personally x

I think you. may have posted onto the wrong thread :) You may get more / better responses if you start a new one.

@JOFFCV

Well she said this year. She didn't last night or last Friday.

Yes sorry I have can it be deleted

I thought you were were telling the op to get some perspective as your dd the same age is homeless.

I absolutely hate my birthday too much pressure and I realise no one cares.

No need to apologise - it happens :) I believe you can just report yourself, so click report, check the "other reason" box and put a note to say you accidentally posted on the wrong thread. HQ will remove it. or you can leave it.

O, and it comes up as deleted at poser's own request on the thread once deleted.

It was last night

You have shitty, selfish friends but one very lovely man.
Enjoy your birthday with him and your family.

Message those who came and thank them. Thank your boyfriend. He sounds lovely. Concentrate on your new friends.

I missed an old friends 50th birthday because her DH rang up and just invited us for Sunday lunch - didnt mention it was a party for her 50th and we were already booked to visit family - had he told me it was a special party i would have re-arranged the family lunch which was nothing special! Found out months later when i spoke to friend!

I don't know where you live, but to get a really good response to a party from people who live all over the county, you probably need amazing organization and to set up a whole weekend. Most people wouldn't travel for a one night party and fork out the cost of a hotel, food, travel (which is really high at the moment) off an invite on Facebook. you also need to check with each person individually and get a definite reply. I have travelled myself for a friend's 40'th to do this, but the whole weekend was organized, she found me somewhere to stay and so forth.

I think it's different for a wedding, though, that tends to be a whole weekend, but even then it's expensive to travel for that.

But people tend to get married only once (or twice!) in their lives, whereas people have big birthday a lot, if you have a lot of friends you might have, say, 8 such parties or weekends or events in a couple of years, surely you can see the obligation to attend is less.

I hate to say it but if you had organized a 'let's all celebrate our 30th' weekend, costed up, with people definitely in or out, then you probably would have had 5 old friends to celebrate with.

In general, I think house parties for one night tend to be attended by local friends, and that's what happened here. I wouldn't expect friends who live 200 miles away to come for a birthday party round my house, most of my friends have jobs and children (including with disabilities) so can't just up and go away, it has to be carefully co-ordinated, planned around the weekend date everyone can do. If you have a casual party which is on the date of your choosing, without consultation, most people won't make it.

I'm sorry you were upset, but I think your expectations of who would travel for this were unrealistic and not set up to facilitate that for them, and it's great one friend travelled a long distance! I also think it's a bit rude and dismissive to the guests that did come that you are writing nobody came to my party, they did actually, and family, and lots of people made a bit effort for you, you need to treasure these people more, as your long-distance friends may have partners, kids, move to Australia and seeing each other for random weekends will get harder, not easier.

No need to ditch your entire friend group as suggested on here. It was not reasonable to expect them to all to travel for this event, IMO without a lot better organization and definite replies.

I think people are so rude and say they're coming when they really have no intention. Often you need to chase them up days before to check, your dp might not have done this.

Really would invest time in the people who care and love you and show up. Treat yourself to a nice break somewhere.

Expectations were high because

He told me me that he had arranged for all my friends to come and celebrate with me.

It looks like that had not been arranged so your expectations were not met and that does cause disappointment.

Sorry to hear you are heartbroken. I really hope your day picks up and you find some comfort. Take good care of yourself and go gently today :)

How far would your school/uni friends have had to travel op?