Nobody came to my party

[ScrabbleChamp64]

I honestly can’t believe I am typing this but I am so heartbroken I feel like I need to vent it somewhere.

My fiancé arranged me a surprise party for my big birthday this year. He went to a lot of effort with food and drink and decorating the house and told me that he had arranged for all my friends to some and celebrate with me.

We would be starting mid afternoon so that those who had long drives would be able to leave earlier and still be here a decent amount of time. He put up a gazebo with a heater because he was worried about room in our living room and had a couple of friends and his parents come and set it all up while he took me out so that it was a surprise.

Only one friend who doesn’t live down the road came. I really appreciate her. Nobody else bothered and I am utterly heartbroken.

How do I even begin to feel better about this? My fiancé wanted me to feel like a princess on my birthday but I can’t stop crying and I feel terrible because he went to so much effort.

Sorry OP, that really sucks.
I know it doesnt help you now but this is why I dont make a fuss over my birthday. Usually just go away with DH for the weekend and pretend thats all I'd ever wanted. I have attended surprise birthdays for others and it is lovely but the anxiety of having one for myself/risk of nobody coming wouldnt allow me.

Not sure if this is a terrible thing to say.. but I'd almost prefer if nobody came than if only 1/2/3 came ?
How many were invited? Were family there at least?
Sorry! Allow yourself to have a cry / a glass (or 5) of wine, a good moan, do something nice for yourself then pick yourself up again...

I think the problem was with your fiancé not being clear and concrete enough with the invitation, and not reminding and chasing up people and confirming, rather than your friends being flaky.

I'm really sorry that this happened to you and I can completely understand you feeling terrible. But I would check with your fiance that he followed up and what he said before concluding that your friends can't be bothered. I think some men underestimate how much following up of RSVPs is required to make sure that people attend events. It's not enough to send a casual message, you need a proper invitation with details, times, address etc., request for RSVPs and then follow up to remind everyone and confirm final numbers a few days before the event.

I agree with this.

Its lovely that you have a fiance that went to so much effort for you. Was he clear about the details?

How do you feel better? Throw your arms around him say "thanks honey for everything we have food for a week now"

Put the garden heaters on, play some music and shout "fuck 50/40" whatever the age is and say "next time you me on a plane somewhere hot no more parties"

😆

This is going to be one of those threads where op doesn’t come back and everyone debates the potential reasons.

The title doesn’t match the op, that suggests people did come just not ones who live far away.

and If most of her friends live far away, I can’t imagine them all separately confirming they were definitely coming then not coming without a word. That suggests the fiancé fucked up with invites somehow.

Have you seen the episode of Friday Night Dinner where Martin throws a party for Jackie? Martin cocks up the invites and I'm wondering if your dh didn't check people were coming. If he'd confirmed nearer the time it may have jogged people's memory.

@Amoreena just what I was thinking !

I agree with the others. Were they proper invites? Rsvps?

how many people were actually there?

Did he actually need to tell you lots of other people were invited but didnt show? Did those people rsvp?

What a truly unpleasant post. Talk about kicking someone when they're down! Absolutely no need for that at all @Theblacksheepandme Do you feel better after that snide little dig? There's absolutely nothing wrong whatsover, with what the OP's DH did, trying to make her feel special on her birthday. You sound a bit jealous actually. (And shame on @ahunf for laughing at it..)

Anyway @ScrabbleChamp64 I am sorry your friends/the people your DH invited let you down, but as a few posters have said, more info would be good. How many people were actually there?

If I had 12-15 family members - incl DC and DH, and one close friend there; and the 10 other DH had invited who were old colleagues, old neighbours, old school mates etc, didn't come, I'd be a bit annoyed but not crushed, as all the people I love and care for the most would be there.

More info needed I think. How many people - including children - were actually there?

It's just my personal opinion that i wouldn't want to be the focus of attention and a princess for a day.

Why would it have been January?

Did people RSVP and then no show?

Not unpleasant or snide at all. And it's rather irritating of OP to start a thread with missing info and then not come back 90 minutes and 3 pages later, it's not confession where you just walk away.

It feels shit, doesn’t it? I had something similar happen, though it was a joint party with someone else. No-one I invited came and I was so upset and embarrassed. It resulted in me distancing myself from a group of people I’ve known for years.

The worst thing was the cheek of one of them a year or so later, tagged me on Facebook saying it was about time I organised another meet up for us all (I’d organised a few previously). I just replied that as none of them had come to my birthday party I’d assumed that the appetite for meet ups wasn’t there any longer.

I’m strongly on the side of those saying that it might be a problem with the way it was worded and organised. Even if your fiancé meant it with the best of intentions, he maybe didn’t follow up on RSVPs, remind people or word it well!

Needs more details. Was it just a vague 'we are having an open house' or was it a confirmed arrangement etc
Did close by people come?

I agree that starting a thread and not coming back is annoying - but it's only been an hour an 20 minutes FGS! But it IS snide and unpleasant to mock and deride someone because their husband arranged a surprise party, by saying 'ARE YOU 5? Why is he treating you like a princess?'

Typical of some posters on here. I wouldn't BLAME the OP for not coming back, with spiteful and childish posts like that.

Hi sorry for not updating I was having a dose.

Local friends came. About 8 of them and my brothers and their OH.

My fiancé invited about 10 of my friends from school/uni. Only one came despite them saying that they would

They were invited by WhatsApp/Facebook messenger depending on what details he had for them. I’m not sure that he did a good job of reminding people it was happening though…

Then YABU.

So you had loads of people there?

Oh so people did come? YABU then.

This happened on my 40th. Turns out SH had arranged the party for a BH weekend and given people 2 weeks notice! A few people came but it was a bit mortifying 🤷 xx