Nobody came to my party

[ScrabbleChamp64]

I honestly can’t believe I am typing this but I am so heartbroken I feel like I need to vent it somewhere.

My fiancé arranged me a surprise party for my big birthday this year. He went to a lot of effort with food and drink and decorating the house and told me that he had arranged for all my friends to some and celebrate with me.

We would be starting mid afternoon so that those who had long drives would be able to leave earlier and still be here a decent amount of time. He put up a gazebo with a heater because he was worried about room in our living room and had a couple of friends and his parents come and set it all up while he took me out so that it was a surprise.

Only one friend who doesn’t live down the road came. I really appreciate her. Nobody else bothered and I am utterly heartbroken.

How do I even begin to feel better about this? My fiancé wanted me to feel like a princess on my birthday but I can’t stop crying and I feel terrible because he went to so much effort.

Lovely though he was trying to be, I suspect he focused too much on decorating and not enough on attendance. Getting people from a long distance to arrive needs formal invitations and RSVPs. Often with a bit of chasing and checking in between. A quick text or passing comment six months before saying that he’s thinking about a party doesn’t cut the mustard and may well be the reason.

So you were you sat there all on your own with only one friend as your post implies?

That’s rubbish op, but your local friends and family came. Covid has changed the way people socialise.

When was the party & how were people invited?

I think some would have been put off by a long drive plus sitting in a garden?
(although of course they should have declined)

Were people with long drives expected to drive home again/pay to stay somewhere?

Sorry OP that is upsetting.

It is very odd that a lot of people did this and aren't bothered about your feelings or your friendship by celebrating with you.

In the nicest possible way, do you think there could be a reason people didn't make the effort for you? Are you a good friend to them? It's odd how so many people flaked on you. Obviously not very good friends in the first place, time to re evaluate your social circle.

Did he formally invite people? If I left something like that to my husband I can honestly say he’d just have said come to ours for drinks and food. Nothing else, no dates and he’d probably only tell people the day before.

a couple of friends and his parents came to set up, did they stick around? And one non-local friend - it would really help if you can clarify whether your friends from down the road DID come. Sorry you're upset. It was a very sweet thing your husband tried to do.

People are crap. Please don’t take it personally.
I organised my friend’s hen night - simple evening in the olden days, just a meal in town in a non-expensive curry house, and 8 out of 20 people turned up. She’s a really lovely woman, it wouldn’t have been anything about her, people are just flaky and crap.

Happy Birthday anyway. I’m glad you have such a wonderful fiancé. 💐🎉

It might be that he wasn't clear on the invite & hadn't checked rsvp.

Did you have anyone there? Nevertheless it's not nice.

I organised a party once and no one at all turned up. It was just me sitting in my living room looking at a table of opened snacks and drinks.

Sorry you feel so upset. Please update about RSVPs.

That does suck - I was really worried the last time I had a big party (for a major birthday) that barely anyone would turn up, ditto for my hen party - heard so many tales of people flaking out. Turned out to be OK both times, but people do often seem to treat invites as optional, and think 'It'll be fine, other people will be coming' if they don't feel like it or something else comes up. But it's a problem when everyone thinks that. I found this to be the case even before Covid.

Try to find out why people didn’t come. Hopefully you’ll realise they are still good friends.

TBH if I was going to travel a long way, I’d want to come and see just you. I wouldn’t really want to do it for a party where I’d only get to speak to you for a short time. A formal invite would make me make a proper decision when I replied. A casual drop in invite, would make me less inclined to go and I’d probably see on the day.

This has happened to me before too. I don't have adult parties anymore, just for my kids.

It's my dads 80th next year and I'm already stressed about getting people to come to a party.

Oh that's awful. I'm so sorry! I can entirely understand how upsetting this would be.

As a previous poster mentioned, did lots of people RSVP and then just not show up?

I'm so sorry op
I'm having a party on Friday. Feel quite nervous now!

It doesn't add up. You will need to come back with more information. Also tell your boyfriend that he doesn't need to make you feel like a princess and that you're not 5.

I had a significant birthday in covid and it saved me from this embarrassment. I don't know if people have become more selfish, lazy in their friendships or what it is. I'm sorry you were treated this way op.
Surely your oh had rsvp's from people and knew who was coming?

So sorry OP, I can see why you are upset, I would be too. Very rude of guests to not turn up, assuming they confirmed they were coming. Sending hugs

That's really awful, I'm so sorry 😔

I feel like surely there must be a bit more to this story? How many people did he invite? How much notice did he give them? Did they all say they were coming and then all flake on the day?

It seems so hard to imagine say 30-50 people all RSVPing yes and then all but one just not turning up 😬😬 (Not saying it didn't happen, it just seems crazy!)

I would be wondering about your fiance to be honest... either he is not good at organising (rsvp, check-ins, reminders) or, sorry for this but just in case, he is controlling and this is a step to isolate you. So get in touch with the people he invited, don't hold a grudge, but explain what happened and see why they didn't come. Each person may have a perfectly reasonable explanation, especially if it seemed an informal drop in type arrangement.

Sorry this happened to you.

Did your fiance get RSVP's or did he just assume people would attend once he told them about the party?

Did he get firm rsvps and when was it?

That's so shit sorry op. Was it last night? Not that it's an excuse but with it being fireworks night and the weather being awful, might have meant people wanted to stay local. I was at a fireworks party last night and some people didn't come because the trains weren't running, it was a shame and the host was a bit disappointed they couldn't make it but was understandable in the circumstances.

was your fiancée clear about the details? I heard my ex on the phone to his family once. I thought he was inviting them all to our daughter’s first birthday party but he said ‘pop in if you can’ so nobody was left with the impression it was an actual event. If people live far away, they maybe wouldn’t come if they thought it was casual.