Nobody came to my party

[ScrabbleChamp64]

I honestly can’t believe I am typing this but I am so heartbroken I feel like I need to vent it somewhere.

My fiancé arranged me a surprise party for my big birthday this year. He went to a lot of effort with food and drink and decorating the house and told me that he had arranged for all my friends to some and celebrate with me.

We would be starting mid afternoon so that those who had long drives would be able to leave earlier and still be here a decent amount of time. He put up a gazebo with a heater because he was worried about room in our living room and had a couple of friends and his parents come and set it all up while he took me out so that it was a surprise.

Only one friend who doesn’t live down the road came. I really appreciate her. Nobody else bothered and I am utterly heartbroken.

How do I even begin to feel better about this? My fiancé wanted me to feel like a princess on my birthday but I can’t stop crying and I feel terrible because he went to so much effort.

Local friends are all friends I have made through my fiancé however as we live in his home town. I.e. as much as we all get on they aren’t “my” friends

You know who your friends/friends are now. Did they call apologize for not coming?
Very sorry

Yeah YABU sorry. I felt bad for you but actually it was a good attendance of 50% of your invitees.

So sorry to hear this OP. You have a thoughtful DP and in the end some people came. That's good.
Avoid surprise parties in future - in my experience they are rarely as nice for the recipient as we think.

Was it yesterday? If so, people might have forgotten due to bonfire night.

He should have confirmed regardless.

YABU for the thread title.

Oh, glad you came back! Well there you go! You had 8 friends and your brothers and other half. THAT is a party. Your OP put us under the impression that it was you and your other half and that was it! Whatsapp and messenger invites are not great really are they??? Did they respond at all? And if he didn't remind them, people do forget!

It's not as bad as your first post made out I don't think. Sorry @ScrabbleChamp64 I don't mean to put down your feelings, but I think you are overreacting. I hope you had a nice birthday anyway!

You satisfied now @Twillow ? The OP came back!

How much notice did your fiance give?

People, particularly if they have jobs and children, are usually busy and exhausted and childcare is difficult to organise. Frankly if people have a valid excuse not to come to something they often will jump at it.

If people organise something at relatively short notice and there's another event on that weekend then the more recent invitation is the one which will get cancelled.

Don't take it too much to heart. I know its easier said than done but it doesn't mean you aren't loved. It probably just means your fiance didn't do a good enough job of the organisation.

Oh yeah also @ScrabbleChamp64 as a pp said, it was Bonfire night! Not the best night to casually invite old friends to a party over whatsapp!!! Bet they were out at firework parties!

YABU to say no one came to your party when people actually did. How far away do the people live that you wanted to come that didn’t? Are they close friends that you speak to/meet up with regularly?

I’m really sorry OP, this is really crappy behaviour for so called friends

You say "they're not 'my' friends"

But they are clearly more your friends than the friends who didn't show up despite confirming they would.

Do you live far away from them now? Sometimes friends are friends because of geographical convenience rather than anything else iyswim.

Really crappy of them to say yes then bail.

YANBU and your friends ought to be ashamed of themselves. I think in your shoes I would not be making contact with those people again and if they contacted me, the first thing I’d want to know is why on earth they chose to bail on my party without even a text to say “sorry, something came up”.

Is it at all possible that your fiancé wasn’t clear with the invitations? What did his messages actually say? If he said “FYI, planning on throwing a party for ScrabbleChamp on X date” then is it possible they were waiting for an actual invitation and thought this was more of a “save the date” type thing? And then possibly just forgot about it, assuming that something more concrete would be forthcoming to jog their memories?

That’s still quite a lot of people.

I know someone who arranged a surprise party for a family member a year in advance and hired a hall and a disco and still only a handful of people turned up.

@caroleanboneparte I'm really sorry that happened to you. It must have been really upsetting

It’s really rude of them to say they’re coming and then not turn up.

I assume they just forgot as people will often make an excuse as to why they can’t come, instead of just not turning up.

In hindsight your DH could have reminded them but whenever I’ve been invited to a party or wedding I’ve never had a reminder about it.

Your DH put on a lovely party for you and you had a good turn out, apart from the friends who live further away.

Instead of looking at the negatives, focus on the positives.

Was it last night? (Apologies if I've missed this)

You had your partner, brothers, their partners, 8 local friends and one who travelled to see you - I can understand being disappointed your other 9 friends didn't make it but "can't stop crying" is an overdramatic response. Lots of people were celebrating with you.

Then again, wanting to "feel like a princess" is a bit drama llama too.

Your op was really misleading. I thought there were 3 people there including you. By your update, there were at least 14 people there. YABU for that. YANBU if uni friends said they would come and didn't. Maybe time to reassess your friendships and prioritise local ones.

I get it op , it must be upsetting but just remember other people did come and make the effort. You had plenty of people for a party . For my 30th birthday party 90% of people dropped out on the day ..most with pathetic excuses. I was mortified and embarrassed. But I do remember who showed up for me.

I think you need some perspective. You had a lovely party organised by someone who really loves you. That's a lot more than many.

I was thinking this. Some men can be very bad at organising this sort of thing. It could be that he didn't invite people 'properly'.

Yes the party was last night.

I think my fiancé messaged people to invite them about 5 or 6 weeks ago.

Yes @IncompleteSenten you are right that the local people did show up for me. I’m just so gutted that none of my oldest friends bothered to come. One of the people who didn’t come had an engagement party last year a 4 hour drive away on a awful shitty weather day and we went so it’s hurtful she couldn’t be bothered to come to see me on my big birthday.

Hmm, I don't know. It sounds like perhaps the invites were a bit casual and your OH didn't confirm they were actually coming?

If these are old school/uni friends, how far away do they live and how often do you see them? I'll be honest and say I wouldn't travel to a house party for a friend I don't see very often. But I'm a bit anti-social in general.

It seems like you did have a decent number of people come, do don't feel too disheartened.

They are all friends I see regularly, several times a year at least

I'm confused, why would your likes and preferences be at all relevant here?