Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Well I've got my first date with Mr J on Thursday

I can't go into too many details as it'll be outing but yeah

Ooh, new thread.

I shall kick off with an update on the ever-lovely Mr2Pugs. Who is, as ever, just lovely. Apparently, I surprised him by reaching for his hand (I thought it was him, but hey ho) and then I definitely ambushed him in the car park for a smooch (no mean feat to manage with someone a foot taller than you are, I’ll tell you) Gotcha!

He’s still lovely. I’ve broken a fifteen year kissing famine, and everyone seems comfortable and happy. It’s all just lovely. No hot sex on even the distant horizon, I don’t think, but I’m a little bit smitten. This is nothing like how I thought a Tinder match would go, but I’ll absolutely take it.

Oh @Eeksteek that's fantastic!!!

Thanks hie the new thread -so impressed by these witty thread titles!

Marking place

Hello! I have spent a large part of the last few weeks reading through the dating threads and have been gripped by the ups and downs of your various escapades! Hugely grateful too for the insights and tips that I have gleaned along the way - thank you all for that.

Fairly soon after the end of my marriage I rebounded into an obsessive and damaging relationship with a man who was emotionally unavailable and ultimately, quite abusive. After living miserably with him for 5 years (what a fool I was), I finally got rid earlier this year. After a few months of moping and deciding that I was consigned to loneliness forever more, I met a man in my local cafe who was inexplicably interested in pursuing me. After a couple of heady August weeks of flirtation, we went on a date and discovered all manner of things in common and a very strong connection. I really fell for him but he then spent the next few days alternately telling me that he wasn’t relationship material/that he only likes the chase/ warning me off, and trying to kiss me/kissing me/ultimately sleeping with me. We are still friends as I see him all the time but he seems like the worst type of cliché in liking women the younger the better and being completely commitment-phobic. I can’t quite believe I fell for him even as he revealed his hand to me… Anyway, luckily the sex was TERRIBLE and it revealed to me that what I really crave is intimacy/love/connection. And better sex. Which led me to OLD.

Sorry for the essay! But to continue: i joined a couple of dating apps back in September. Two brief coffee dates with a couple of nice enough men and then I met someone very local to me for a walk round a National Trust house. Over the next few days we met several times and, despite some initial reservations, I am now seeing him regularly.

It has all been extremely quick and intense (our child-free time is completely aligned) and I am a little unsure of some things - I wasn’t really looking for a relationship to happen this quickly and am nervous of ‘settling’. But equally, he is kind, attentive, extremely emotionally available (such a contrast to my ex-husband) and we have a great time together. So I am sticking with it despite my reservations, but hopefully keeping my wits about me. Let’s call him Mr Kind.

I am either extremely lucky to have stumbled upon someone so compatible in Week 1 of OLD or my judgment is skewed… After years of (low level) emotional abuse and unhappiness I’m conscious that it could be the latter. Grateful for the chance to discuss things with you all on here, to get a clearer sense of it. Thanks so much for reading this far! 🙏

Fabulous updates from @Eeksteek and @Shwingbada
I'm back on the apps after a long relationship (also from OLD). Finding it hard to achieve a balance and not lose my 'happy being me' life as they can be so addictive.
I'm chatting to two irons at the moment and really need to move them away from chatting and arrange to phone/meet. Chatting away is the easy bit!

@Shwingbada I feel very similar. It MUST be too good to be true. But it’s not. I can’t be this lucky. I just can’t. And yet, here I stand.

Hello, pulling up a pew to join in. I’m still putting myself back together over a marriage separation ( two years) and I NEED to start making a move otherwise I’m just going to keep buying cats!

Im really surprised at the amount of men using filters on the app 😱 and telling porkie pies about their age.

I get very bored quickly with the chat .. 🥴

@Juneyblue I know what you mean 🙄
I was saying how confident these mediocre men are. I've had a guy with half his dinner down the front of his jumper keep liking me. And that's his best photo 🤦‍♀️

UPDATE
Plans have changed and I'm meeting him for dinner on Thursday now.
Now, what to wear....

great news. Keep the mothership updated on progress 😂😂😂

😂😂😂

I think of all the lies, age is one of the least worrisome. Inventing their importance , or their job or their education status seems worse to me.
Upwards and onwards…there are good men out there too

@Shwingbada …what a lovely post. We all feel massive empathy as many of us have been in awful marriages. I find guys that are crap at sex looking for a younger model pathetic really. It’a really wonderful for us hearing to good stories 🥰

I am also out the other side of an abusive long term marriage.

I found that initially I was settling and pleased to find I was still attractive after all.

But, reading yours, it sounds fantastic and gives me so much hope. I'm so pleased for you.

PS
Your username is that from that song

Tomorrow nights date is off.

Apparently it was never a 'date' so I got the wrong idea.

Ah well, better I knew earlier.

Definitelycross

what happened , I’m sorry 😞

Ah that’s shit @Definitelycross 🍷

Oh I bloody hope so early 40s so it’s slim pickings and I’m being very fussy 😬

Be fussy. This is important.

Oh he said he wanted to make sure I understood it was a 'friendship' date.

I hadn't. So I cancelled.

Slim pickings in your 40s? Try being 55 - it's beyond shite. And anyone I've got any further than messaging with has made sure I know it's easier for men in their 50s.

I'm going to buy some more cats 🐈‍⬛

Actually I'm going to get my sons girlfriend to take some new pictures and next week, after licking my wounds, I'll be back on Match.

In fact most of my 'likes' are from a lot younger men. Maybe I should try one out. For research purposes only you know!!!

I don’t understand…were you not going for dinner??? What happened?

@Mila14 yes. But apparently as friends only. He isn't in the market for a relationship.

I don't understand really.

He was very keen yesterday and this morning and I made sure I didn't over text. I only replied. I don't know but I am so disappointed

@Definitelycross …I really don’t understand…he just wanted to go for a friendship dinner? What on earth is he doing on a dating site? Time waster …
Never mind…just move on nicely