Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

i don't understand why you persist in swiping right on him if you know it would be embarrassing etc if he swiped right on you? Makes no sense.

Just delete the match and don't swipe right again?

Curiosity, bad judgement, hopefulness, have had a bit of a thing for him for years. That’s it basically. Didn’t claim I was thinking rationally!

Hey guys! I've missed so much since the last thread :-)

Actually for the first time in ages I'm optimistic about a date next week, probably jinx it now. He can be called Mr Run.

Hi @Horses4 I think is message and say "Was this an accidental right swipe? Mine was deliberate on you so shall we chat or let it slide?"

Hey all,

sounds like we’re all having the ups and downs as always!

Was a bit ‘ugh’ about your friendship date @Definitelycross Yeesh.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I’m with @Thisisworsethananticpated . An hour session of sex and fun can be great if the connection and dynamic are right. I have it with a FWB and it’s brilliant. And we can have a chat in that time too. It works for us. But I had another FB where the connection wasn’t right and that sort of thing made me just feel shit about myself so it’s very contextual!

In today’s episode of everyday in old is a school day:

1. I live a couple hours SW of London. Not rural but not city. I get a decent number of likes but not loads and sometimes slim pickings. Yesterday I turned my app on whilst in London and suddenly hundreds of likes were received!! My goodness. It has me contemplating moving!
2. I had a great potential iron this week. We’ve been getting to know each other. But then it turns out our schedules are probably going to be incompatible all because he didn’t take my profile about my schedule seriously (or didn’t read). Ugh!

im weening myself off the apps. I find myself getting less resilient everytime someone ends up being disappointing! So like all good datingthreaders, I’m probably going to take a little break from it all to regroup. Only I have a paid subscription on one of them which doesn’t expire till Jan. so I’m going to keep an eye on that a bit but not make a huge effort.

my new rules for bothering with any man in any way during this almost break are pretty simple:

1. only if it’s entirely convenient to me (normally I’m a bit more give and take)
2. only if they’ve been nothing but very well mannered (sometimes I let things by for people I like the sound of otherwise)
3. only if it’s 100% fun and happy.

i have a feeling under the rules I won’t have a single date 0 😁 Which will probably be the right result!

happy hunting all. X

Love that update @DisappearingHelen
And those rules are totally splendid.

MrUnion has sent me some funny but also respectful texts today regarding our Date0 tomorrow which has slightly redeemed his spending a bit too much time on our first phone call last night about his alcoholic XW and why he therefore has small kids at his most of the time.

A new potential iron has come in overnight with the kind of profile/message that works for me.

Another chap I had a lovely textual thing going on the app has unmatched. Why does this always hit as hard as it does? It shouldn't. I guess a polite made up reason would be better and as always just indicates another bullet dodged.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

i watched a quite interesting you tube video that said that actually in general men are worse off after divorce eventually (and this could be seen as a generalisation , but it rings true )

-they lose a social circle (as women usually organise )

they tend to see their kids a lower %

don’t get as much empathy from their male friends . There tends to be a macho ‘yay I’m single ! Look at the women I can shag’ which doesn’t translate into reality

and unlike women they don’t process it as much . They arnt having therapy , reading books , and having long chats with their female friends about it .

this is a convoluted way of saying maybe this is why some men when confronted by a nice smiling female face tend to really overshare about their exes . and their dating !

I find it baffling
I also think women are also conditioned to speak less of their sexual encounters

I’ve had some perfectly nuce guys share some stories around dating . Whereas I don’t share
mine on dates . Hell no

Ah, OK, totally get you. I’ve been there my friend!

@Thisisworsethananticpated ohh a frisson in pilates....

@Thisisworsethananticpated yes its weird, the last few dates I have been on the guy has talk 1, all about himslef and 2, allabout the crap dates he has been on . Its so off puttting,
IN fact since the last guy gave me a detailed account of all the awful women he had met, ( present company excluded) I deleted all the aapps cos it was so disheartening.

Loins Girded! If only to read your tales of woe and sometimes lovliness ....

@Horses4 if he has the initials LH has dark hair and quite an impressive body. Delete.

@CraftyCats No, not the same man! What made you think it might be?

I've had messages from two previous irons this evening. Very strange.

Definitelycross

they pop up don’t they ? Old irons
i had an old one this week
felt a bit bad but I deleted unread

ChaliceinWonderland

yeah I’d never tell a date about a crap date
or a purely sex date
or a hot date

its baffling ! It doesn’t bother me
but it’s odd how men do , and I (and others ) don’t

are you signoramella , cant keep up !

I wouldn’t tell anyone about a previous date, or sex dates or hot dates or whatever, mostly because those things never happened to me much

there was this one woman I had one date with all she did was run down her ex husband all the time , that was terrible

NoDatingForOldMen

you dont need to ! You have us lot to bounce things off 😏

That's a very good and interesting explanation @Thisisworsethananticpated and I guess with dire circs like MrUnion (XW can't be trusted to care for their small kids overnight) there will be an element of trauma

Im a kind and interested person so don't mind people talking of exes in fact it gives a good insight as to who they are but there's also infinite other topics to talk about so if we end up landing on that it means we haven't got much in common maybe.

Can I have your thoughts or advice please on how to tell someone you've met once for a date that you'll not be wanting another.

Im being a pessimist about the coffee date I have and will be happily surprised if we do want to set up a second.

As a hilarious side-note I've matched with and have various levels of chats with....
3 x Ash
3 x Simon

It's like that time when everyone was called Dean for those who can recall.

Joining this thread with interest as have enjoyed reading everyone's ups and downs. Totally new to online dating (1 year single after 17 years married). Have been on one tinder date. We had messaged alot and it was quite flirty but I had already broken the OLD rules and built it up far more in my head than was there in reality (but it was my first date in 18 years). I thought the date itself went well, there was physical chemistry which prob meant I ignored everything else ha. Anyway, the day after we both said we would like to meet up again but over the following week messages tapered off and eventually I asked about a second date and he was honest and said he didn't think there was a romantic connection there and didn't want to lead me on. I was gutted but trying not to take it personally and see it as he was prob just looking for ONS (which is fine if you both up for that but I had already allowed myself to imagine more) oh well, it's a steep learning curve. I can't seem to quite get him out of my head though but have set up a date with another guy tonight. Going in to this one with zero expectations though.

Checking in. Thanks for the thread.

Currently in a dating mess that I'm pretending is not happening 😂

I have an FB who I see at least once a week, sometimes more, we'll call him Mr35.
Its taken a long time to find someone amazing in bed and I don't want to let him go.

I'm also dating Mr Social who I met through a social group I'm part of. He's lovely but 10yrs older. Our dating is currently a secret due to this group and how everyone might react.
We've had 2 dates which were fantastic and I've also been round for coffee a few times plus I see him when the social group are out.
I really like him, I fancy him but I'm not sure about a relationship.
He doesn't want me dating others and wanted exclusivity but I told him I can't give him that yet which he has accepted.

I also had a date with Mr Active which seemed promising but messaging has died down and we don't have a date 2 arranged...I think this one will disappear which is a shame as hes a similar age and has similar interests to me.

I'm on 2 dating sites plus a Facebook group for mates/dates where peoples main interests are active ones.

Pickings are slim though....

@SortingItOut doesn't sound like a pickle at all - you've been honest with Mr social. I would just continue as you are until you decide whether he is relationship material and if indeed that is what you are after

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I just send the "was lovely to meet you but I'm sure you'll agree that the illusive spark/chemistry wasn't there unfortunately". They usalually take the the easy option I've given, agree and we wish each other best of luck and move on 😁

Good luck with tonight's date @Findingmeagain

The chat about exes is always enlightening though as to what sort of person you are dealing with and what their situation is. I had two unfortunate dates where the level of bitterness/vitriol/mentionitis made it clear they were still absolutely hung up on said exes.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I agree with @Slothmomma on the wording of politely “lovely time but no chemistry” to draw a line under things.

Also, @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I love the wording you’ve given me, just trying to be bold enough to literally copy and paste it 🤣

Findingmeagain

is IS a steep learning curve

and anyone is going to get into their first horny date in 18 years

keep on at it