Dating Thread 235... Gird those loins for November

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@confuseddotcom22 If all you want is fun then clearly your plan is working. Sounds like the younger they are the more ego boost you get....constantly needing an ego boost is not healthy.
We should know our worth already. We all like a boost to our ego with a compliment or 2 but craving it is when it is unhealthy.

Mr Skiier sounds good🙂

What's your past? Do you have low self-esteem? Often women who come out of not great relationships are emotionally unavailable so maybe you are subconsciously looking for that🤷‍♀️

Very hard to know what's going on with Mr2Pugs @Eeksteek it's unusual to have not ramped up the physicals over a course of several dates. Could you do the 'what are you looking for, why are you on the apps?' chat if you haven't already.

Date with iron yesterday was worse than anticipated. He monologued at me about his crazy alcoholic XW and how he cheated on his first wife with her. Also wayyy too short for me (good to have an opportunity to test the fact that I think I only really fancy teller gents) AND an ex iron of his came and sat at the next table.
I didn't get a word in edgeways. Didn't even try tbh.

I've matched and started chatting to over 10 men but not one is grabbing my attention with their one line answers to my chatty Qs and humour.
I'm imagining I'm moving through a party or a nightclub where I know all the men there are single and I can strike up a convo with any of them.

It's the same isn't it.
But tbh I think I'm getting my coat and going home now as bored and there's stuff that needs doing at home!

Oh @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss That is a shocking date! Sorry it didn’t work out, but it sounded like you knew beforehand, thankfully! The whole process is tedious,
though I am still friendly with a few dating thread 2016 women on FB and most of them are partnered up/some married so it does work out sometimes! (But not for me!).

Thanks @Horses4 thankfully I'm in the lucky position of not caring if I find someone or don't.

My life is full and happy without a bf - but I like laughing and talking and sex and weekends away and meals out so happy to keep swiping occasionally in case there's someone who might be a good match for me.

I'm not despondent esp as I said I'd take myself off the apps for the winter as not a big fan of meeting strangers in the dark, cold or damp so by not having any decent irons at the mo it gives a lovely pause after the streak of weekends where I have had an active iron... since late August I think.

Sorry the date didn't go well OP. Mine was a good one, didn't completely fancy him initially but the chat was great, lots of laughs, lots in common. Spent 2 hours in the pub, had a snog then i went home. Total opposite of last date where there was lots of physical chemistry but I didn't feel like he was particularly interested in me. I think I would see him again, it was a nice night, but at the same time won't be gutted if I don't. I feel like it's all good practice at this stage.

Ah sorry to hear the date was a waste of time @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss. Sounds like the date I had with the absolutely drop dead gorgeous policeman who spent the date talking at me about the mother of his kid and all the resulting child access battles and about his ex fiance who he was clearly still hung up on 🤦‍♀️ he did apologise after though 😄

@Findingmeagain I've had many a date like that and they usually came to nothing but we're nice evenings out so nothing ventured and all that

Exactly how I feel. Chatting to someone at a party then finding out they're actually not right for you.

The problem is doing that with OLD makes the process so drawn out.

I'm sort of hanging up my relationship frock for a while. There's one or two that I'd make an effort for but the others are just meh 🤷‍♀️

Something clicked in my brain and reminded me that it isn't imperative to have a partner. Although having company to do things with would be lovely.

I can't remember who posted about the guy who went on about his wife and ex but I had that. Ex was alcoholic, ex-wife the spawn of satan.

My ex was/is one of the worst men in the world ever (coercive and financial abuse, financial abuse of our children and my parents) but I wouldn't talk about him. He's an absolute prick and has no place at a table I'm dating at.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

oh dear . And an ex iron at the adjacent table

EeksteeK

yeah you might need to bottom that one out
and it might involve taking a risk ….
but better you know now
some seductive moves

SortingItOut

well I never ! A nice normal man who really likes you and wants an exclusive relationship!
its like a unicorn appeared 😁

time to face those availability demons !
and cash in all that therapy and work

im pleased for you

Interesting updates from everyone. Oncey sorry about date from hell.
Worsy , you sound very chilled lately and full of wiseness… whatever you are doing… it’s working
@SortingItOut … you are my current idol here. Things moving well with Mr Social
Eeky … things need to progress but always at your pace

Im unbelievably happy I never DTD with MrF… I sort of friend zone him and no longer feel attracted. This things happen I guess
I am having fab posh dinner with MrEx tomorrow and will enjoy my time with this beautiful man. I just have to wear stupendous frock and very high heels … he does the rest and I love it

No irons currently but I think it’s fine… I keep my eyes open and will update mothership on events

I can’t decide what the right thing to do is. I’m pretty sure he’s being deliberately cautious, but whether for his sake or mine I’m not sure. If it’s for his sake, I’ll ruin it if I up the physicals, and I’m happy to wait, so long as we get there eventually. If it’s for mine, and I don’t, he might get bored. But I don’t think so. He seems to be enjoying companionable chatting. Which IS really lovely. (But surely he wasn’t on Tinder to make chatty friends?!)

Then there’s the matter of opportunity. I have my kid 100%, so I can’t create opportunities. It’s got to be his place. And he’s down here all the time to drop his kids off or pick them up. So we meet here, in public and in daylight. Which has zero opportunities!

I think I just need to be patient. I do not do this well! It is early days, we’re both feeling our way and I do think he’s worth it. (I might just be bidding on this dress on eBay though. And if that doesn’t do it, I don’t know what will!)

Eeksteek

how many dates have you had ?
you need maybe a slightly tipsy , sofa and together situation

Mila14

good old Mr Ex
he’s a reliable source of joy in his own way isn’t he

im finding myself smitten with Balkan right now
this happens ! We get all close and texty texty
mainly driven by him I hasten to add

and yet he might need to leave the city
housing stuff related

so need to keep myself boundaries and not get heartbroken 💔

Worsy…he’s not leaving the country though…it’s not sure he’s leaving the city anyway. It might happen but it has not yet. No point angsting. You are getting closer all the time and it’s pointless to resist it. Balkan is also reliable in his own way
MrEx is the best sex of my life and treats me like a princess but we are not compatible as a couple and I should know after 6 years on and off . We are in an on moment but I will try to refrain myself from sex … it complicates stuff

Mila14
yes
sex = oxytocin = ❤️❤️❤️ Feelings

however , once I get into work and life tomorrow it will calm down

So I went back on the apps 🙄

Matched with someone last Friday and it was instant connection - can talk about anything, same sense of humour etc and we ended up having daily video chats. We met in person for a drink last night and it was so easy and I don't think I've ever felt so comfortable with someone on a first date and there is a definite spark.

There's no red flags at all, no love bombing, he has a great job etc.

When the date ended he kissed me and it wasn't that great 😩. To be fair it was rushed and there was other people around. Maybe he was nervous. Would you guys be bothered by this or is it something you think can be worked on? I know I'm probably overthinking

winniewitchy
define ‘not great’ ?
bad kisser
or , didn’t feel spark ?

@Eeksteek just touch him, !
take his hand or touch him on the arm for a few seconds or put your hand on his back or touch his bum - you need to give him the signal that touch is okay

There is a definite spark. Just seemed out of sync. It was literally 10 seconds as I was getting in the car. He moved his mouth faster than I would. God I sound ridiculous

Watching with interest. Haven't dated since 2000 but 2023 may be the year I start following end of LTR

Wait what @Mila14 you aren't into MrF anymore and friend zoned him?
How so? After last weekend's non texting it never recovered from there?

Hope you and your heels and frock have a superb posh dinner with MrEx

Oh, I am. I even suggested adjourning after dinner to sit on the sofa, then waited for him to sit down and scooted up to sit with him. I’ve held his hand and we have hello/goodbye pecks. And there was Tuesday, which definitely had spark. But no more. Didn’t even get repeat smooches (although with my kid in the house, I do understand that, so it’s not really fair). I’m not getting the sense that any of this is unwelcome, just that….that’s it. And we don’t have another date, just vague muttering about next week. Yet he’s still chit chatting away via text.

I think I just need to be patient. I don’t really do patient. Expect much venting!

I've just given up.

What is the point in someone matching with you then ignoring your introductory 'hi'.

I don't know if it's time wasters just looking for an ego boost or if they're not real.

But I honestly have reached the end of it with Bumble and Match.

I think I'm going to have to join the SAGA OLD - Our Time. But honestly? Just now it feels difficult and I just don't think it should be this hard 🤷‍♀️

Not at all. I was super surprised, when kissing Mr2Pugs that it was so upright. I’ve always tilted my head to one side when kissing, but he doesn’t as much. It was a lovely kiss, but quite different to anything I’ve ever done before. (Although I’ll admit to a LOT of novelty value, given that it’s been fifteen years!)