Should I tell DH what BIL said about me?

[UserOneTrillion]

Have changed some details as this is quite outing.
A few weeks ago DD (3) was taken to hospital with a common virus which had turned nasty. No ambulances available but she needed emergency treatment - pretty terrifying situation. I posted about it on fb which is something I wouldn’t normally do but just panicked and wanted advice.

MIL is staying with us, I get on with her well. She was showing me photos on her phone as she often does and handed it to me with a message open from BIL, seemingly on a group chat. It said something along the lines of ‘I ignore her, it’s attention seeking and sounds like she’s making it up, how can you go to hospital for xyz and why say that about the ambulance service?’ Someone had put a laughing face.

MIL didn’t realise what she’d done and I didn’t say anything. I was shocked and just really upset, DD was seriously unwell and rather than being supportive he’s just being a fucking twat, albeit behind our backs.

DH is supposed to be spending this weekend helping him move house which stings considering what he’s said about me. Should I tell DH or just try to forget about it? I really don’t want to upset MIL or get her involved.

Of course, and op is free to feel snubbed by a family group chat set up for the intents and puposes of critising people who are not in the inner circle.

You're making stuff up now. Unless the group chat was created after the fb post, then we should assume it existed abd BIL just posted his thoughts.

She now has full rights to express her opinion that it was hurtful and she has no interest in being part of their gossip fodder.

This would just confirm his belief of attention seeking abd dramatic. You can't stop people talking about you and posting stuff like that just gives them ammunition.

For BIL to say this, I would be pretty sure OP has exhibited attention seeking behaviour and been dramatic in the past in BILS eyes at least.

Of course she won't admit it, as she may not actually see herself that way...people rarely do.

BIL saying what he did, doesn't necessarily mean he totally dislikes her. He may just not like certain things that he perceives as attention seeking. You can like a person overall...but not certain traits.

I@SandyY2K

I understand that siblings can be vicious to inlaws but I still think grandparents should not encourage this type of division in families.

Especially over something so inconsequensial, makes you think what other ways the op has been critiqued.

Op has been hurt, unintentionally, yet posters are turning it arround and blaming her.
Is this Darvo.

Of course you can and other people are free to have an opinion on it. It waa his opinion and not meant for her to read.

It was meant to be read, just not by the OP
If the MIL is just a bit self aware, she’ll get that saying the OP was ‘making it up’ was totally out if line. She might well actually have had a go at said BIL fur saying that.
Its worth remembering g that when you start badmouthing someone, even if they dint read or hear ur themselves, it can have many consequences. Including making the BIL someone who gossips, puts people down and has no care for the well-being of his niece. And someone who has no idea about what’s happening in a hospital atm!
Basically a twat. Regardless or not the OP was attention seeking. The two are not mutually exclusive! (And the OP panicked as she acknowledged, like a lot of parents have done before her)

You claim it was not attention seeking then you say you should have posted it here instead so you can get awww sorry, holding your hand posts right?

No, because she's more likely to get advice from medical professionals here. She was waiting for a call back from 111. Advice was exactly what she needed and had tried to get.

Is this unusual? I have a group chat with just my own siblings. I’d find it a bit weird if DH insisted he be included in it - they’re not his family, they’re mine!

Is this unusual? I have a group chat with just my own siblings. I’d find
it a bit weird if DH insisted he be included in it - they’re not his
family, they’re mine It doesn't negate this being hurtful to the op though does it, would you be upset if your h's brother or sister were conversing like this to your MIL. Probably not.

No it's not unusual but human error is. I think what a pp stated saying don't write things down if you must critisize someone, is the best bet. I've seen this situation happen, and divisions were drawn ,leading to the gp's and inlaws not seeing the grandchildren.
The grandchildren sided with the mother and didn't wan't anything to do with them anymore.

It really isn't worth it.
Just saying be careful and mindful of what you write.