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Original poster

Should I wait awhile to go get my stuff?

208 replies

ElderberrySuper8832 · 27/10/2022 23:19

I was seeing this guy we met on a dating app in July. We texted for a while and at the end of August, we went on our first date. After the first date (we met at Starbucks and then we went to a park and out to eat) I started going to his house on a weekly basis once a week. This went on for a month we cuddled and watched movies together and had sex. I brought him food and we cooked together once. And also brought him dinner once. At one point he even told me to forget about other men. And he was actually talking about how we were going to do things together. At the end of September, he told me he didn't want to date even though he thought he wanted to and that he doesn't have time for anything. And that he's busy and preoccupied with work. He said he was sorry and that he knew it wasn't fair to me. I went off on him because I was so upset. And I left his underwear on his porch. I did apologize to him via voicemail.

I was in a car accident last week and I called him because I was really scared. We talked and he told me I'd be fine (I was worried that something bad was going to happen) as long as I was ok. I told him I was going to pick up some things I left at his house. He said he left them on the porch I went over there to pick them up. But I couldn't do it so I just drove off.

I haven't talked to him since Sunday when I asked him if I could borrow one of his books. He said he doesn't let people borrow anything from him. I really wish we could at least be friends because talking to him helps me. I feel so comfortable with him and this is all difficult for me. I know we haven't known each other for that long though. I think if I hadn't of went off on him things wouldn't be like this. He's not my ex because we were never actually together.

Even though he doesn't want to date I would like for us to be friends. I've started talking to other men on FB dating. I have already apologized via voicemail.

OP posts:
Mom2K · 27/10/2022 23:28

I think you should just let this one go. Deep down I think you're hoping that by staying 'friends' that he will change his mind and things could be rekindled. Ultimately this isn't going to help you move on...and makes it easy for him to have you as backup or casual.

Also, he doesn't sound particularly nice with the way he went about things in ending whatever you had going and didn't seem particularly interested or show any concern after your accident. Seems very much like he doesn't want to have anything to do with you now. I'm sorry if this seems harsh but it is the reality, and it's not you, it's him. He had a bit of fun and now he's out and is trying to distance himself. I know that this hurts for you, but try to forget about him and move on and find someone nice who actually wants to be in a relationship (assuming that this is what you want) :) this one isn't even going to he a good friend given how he is treating you.

NormaTheWife · 27/10/2022 23:30

You're hoping he is going to change his mind. He won't. Get your stuff asap and move on.

Original poster
ElderberrySuper8832 · 27/10/2022 23:31

NormaTheWife · 27/10/2022 23:30

You're hoping he is going to change his mind. He won't. Get your stuff asap and move on.

No, I am not hoping that he will change his mind.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 27/10/2022 23:32

He doesn't want to know, so it's time to forget about him. Don't call, don't try to borrow books, delete his number.

Find someone lovely who is interested in you. Good luck

JorisBonson · 27/10/2022 23:34

You sound full on. He's not interested.

hugefanofcheese · 27/10/2022 23:45

Just go and pick up your stuff.

I know you're disappointed and these short, promising relationships can cut deeply if they end but unfortunately I think you've got a bit ahead of yourself here. Easily done. if I have read correctly you had one date then a few weekly meetings at his house. I know he's said the right things at certain points but he doesn't sound like a man who was keen to make a great impression or much effort. I've experienced something roughly similar and believe some men will say the right things and encourage instant intimacy as they want a bit of comfort and a girlfriend type figure but only temporarily or while they make their mind up about the longer term.

It's no reflection on you, but he's made himself clear and isn't interested. Find alternative sources of support before you get more invested. Ok, he was kind after your accident but I don't think this means he wants to be your confidante after a month's dating.

You deserve someone who wants the same as you. This isn't it. Make a clean break and move on, honestly, you'll thank yourself.

Original poster
ElderberrySuper8832 · 27/10/2022 23:52

JorisBonson · 27/10/2022 23:34

You sound full on. He's not interested.

He's the one who was telling me to forget about other men.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElderberrySuper8832 · 27/10/2022 23:53

hugefanofcheese · 27/10/2022 23:45

Just go and pick up your stuff.

I know you're disappointed and these short, promising relationships can cut deeply if they end but unfortunately I think you've got a bit ahead of yourself here. Easily done. if I have read correctly you had one date then a few weekly meetings at his house. I know he's said the right things at certain points but he doesn't sound like a man who was keen to make a great impression or much effort. I've experienced something roughly similar and believe some men will say the right things and encourage instant intimacy as they want a bit of comfort and a girlfriend type figure but only temporarily or while they make their mind up about the longer term.

It's no reflection on you, but he's made himself clear and isn't interested. Find alternative sources of support before you get more invested. Ok, he was kind after your accident but I don't think this means he wants to be your confidante after a month's dating.

You deserve someone who wants the same as you. This isn't it. Make a clean break and move on, honestly, you'll thank yourself.

I'm going to wait a while to get my things I don't want to see him right now.

OP posts:
Avastmehearties · 27/10/2022 23:56

ElderberrySuper8832 · 27/10/2022 23:52

He's the one who was telling me to forget about other men.

Show quote history

Yes but he then later said he was sorry but didn't want to continue. He is entitled to change his mind so you have to accept what he said last, which is that he's not interested.

TheHappyLoser · 27/10/2022 23:58

He's not interested in a relationship with you, either go pick your stuff up as soon as possible or forget it.
Anything else just means you're obsessing over him, no good ever came of that.

Original poster
ElderberrySuper8832 · 27/10/2022 23:59

He did talk to me when I called him after being in an accident. He kept telling me that things were going to be ok and that I would be fine. And I think I heard him say now what? I should have apologized to him while we were on the phone. But at the time I was so upset about the accident. This is what I was saying that maybe we could be friends. Since he did actually talk to me.

Yes, I agree that he should have told me in person that he didn't want to date anymore. Instead of telling me via text message. But I shouldn't have gone off on him the way that I did either. I am not hoping that he'll change his mind about anything. I only hoped that we could at least me friends. I am actually talking to other men on dating apps.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElderberrySuper8832 · 28/10/2022 00:05

My things have been at his place for a month now. I don't see the rush in me going over to pick them up. I will do so when I'm ready and maybe we can actually talk face-to-face. I'm not trying to convince him to be in a relationship with me. So I don't get why it's being said over and over again.

But I think I know why he decided to end things. Because when I was with him the time before last. He kept trying to feel up on me but I kept pushing him away because I had to leave. He was literally trying to keep me from walking out of the door. And I don't think he liked that but he just never said anything about it.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2022 00:09

You are not going to be friends, so just get over that notion right now. Stop communicating with him and move on with your life.

Original poster
ElderberrySuper8832 · 28/10/2022 00:13

You've never been friends with someone you've had sex with?

OP posts:
SunshineLoving · 28/10/2022 00:14

Ask him to put your stuff outside at a certain time and go and pick it up this weekend.

You don't need to see him or speak to him. What do you think you're going to get out of speaking to him face to face? He doesn't want to be with you. Get your stuff, keep your dignity and move on.

Original poster
ElderberrySuper8832 · 28/10/2022 00:20

SunshineLoving · 28/10/2022 00:14

Ask him to put your stuff outside at a certain time and go and pick it up this weekend.

You don't need to see him or speak to him. What do you think you're going to get out of speaking to him face to face? He doesn't want to be with you. Get your stuff, keep your dignity and move on.

Did I say anything about him wanting to be with me?

OP posts:
bert3400 · 28/10/2022 00:21

Why to you need to have a talk with him ? You went out for a few weeks, it's over . You seem to have a very immature outlook on relationships ?

mayaknew · 28/10/2022 00:24

Op I'm sorry but I think your relationship with this man is over whether that be romantic or friendship.

I also think it's a bit unfair of you to use someone you've just met as a main source of emotional support. Was there no one else you could call after your accident?

What is it you've left at his house? Is none of it replaceable? If not do as pp said and ask him to leave it in the porch for you to grab.

Original poster
ElderberrySuper8832 · 28/10/2022 00:26

mayaknew · 28/10/2022 00:24

Op I'm sorry but I think your relationship with this man is over whether that be romantic or friendship.

I also think it's a bit unfair of you to use someone you've just met as a main source of emotional support. Was there no one else you could call after your accident?

What is it you've left at his house? Is none of it replaceable? If not do as pp said and ask him to leave it in the porch for you to grab.

He didn't seem to have an issue with me calling him when I was in the accident. Why was it wrong that I called him? I really don't see why that was a problem. I even thanked him for talking to me and he said no problem.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2022 00:28

ElderberrySuper8832 · 28/10/2022 00:13

You've never been friends with someone you've had sex with?

Since September, he's been very clear that he's not wanting any kind of relationship. You're not listening.

Original poster
ElderberrySuper8832 · 28/10/2022 00:35

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2022 00:28

Since September, he's been very clear that he's not wanting any kind of relationship. You're not listening.

Show quote history

And yet he answered when I called him ok. Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElderberrySuper8832 · 28/10/2022 00:35

Thanks for the advice everyone.

OP posts:
flutterbyfly · 28/10/2022 00:36

Why are you being so defensive?

You say you don't want to be with him, he obviously doesn't want to be with you either; it's over.

Don't embarrass yourself further.

mayaknew · 28/10/2022 00:38

Because he's a guy you went on a couple dates with, he decided he didn't want to carry on the relationship so you stopped seeing each other ... Then you call him for support after an accident ?

He was a nice person done the decent thing and gave you what you needed at the time. Maybe he was happy to give you that support but if he wasn't he's hardly going to say to you the girl he's just dumped that's been in an accident. He'd be a bit of a dick if he did!

I think you've maybe just got sucked in a bit and thought the relationship had longevity, turns out it doesn't and you're struggling with that. It happens. But like I said my advice re your stuff. Replace it and move on or lift if from his porch.

Musti · 28/10/2022 00:45

Hi op. He dated you and he’s not interested. For whatever reason he has changed his mind and isn’t interested in being friends (which is why he won’t lend you his book).

Let him go and find better friends and boyfriends.