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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I wait awhile to go get my stuff?

208 replies

ElderberrySuper8832 · 27/10/2022 23:19

I was seeing this guy we met on a dating app in July. We texted for a while and at the end of August, we went on our first date. After the first date (we met at Starbucks and then we went to a park and out to eat) I started going to his house on a weekly basis once a week. This went on for a month we cuddled and watched movies together and had sex. I brought him food and we cooked together once. And also brought him dinner once. At one point he even told me to forget about other men. And he was actually talking about how we were going to do things together. At the end of September, he told me he didn't want to date even though he thought he wanted to and that he doesn't have time for anything. And that he's busy and preoccupied with work. He said he was sorry and that he knew it wasn't fair to me. I went off on him because I was so upset. And I left his underwear on his porch. I did apologize to him via voicemail.

I was in a car accident last week and I called him because I was really scared. We talked and he told me I'd be fine (I was worried that something bad was going to happen) as long as I was ok. I told him I was going to pick up some things I left at his house. He said he left them on the porch I went over there to pick them up. But I couldn't do it so I just drove off.

I haven't talked to him since Sunday when I asked him if I could borrow one of his books. He said he doesn't let people borrow anything from him. I really wish we could at least be friends because talking to him helps me. I feel so comfortable with him and this is all difficult for me. I know we haven't known each other for that long though. I think if I hadn't of went off on him things wouldn't be like this. He's not my ex because we were never actually together.

Even though he doesn't want to date I would like for us to be friends. I've started talking to other men on FB dating. I have already apologized via voicemail.

OP posts:
ElderberrySuper8832 · 09/11/2022 15:14

CousinKrispy · 08/11/2022 13:51

OP, are you happy?

Why have you started (and continued) a thread on here? It suggests to me that you're not happy with the situation. If you felt happy and confident about it, you'd just be getting on with it instead of posting about it on relationships advice board.

I'm going out on a date with the new guy on Sunday.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/11/2022 15:59

OP said she was still at school, so I'm guessing 17 or 18. The dude in question has been married for 3yrs, so he's significantly older and a lot more experienced.

OP I was a tit like this when I was your age. Bringing food, sucking cock and then cleaning up in a desperate shout of "See what I do for you?!? I'M THE PERFECT WIFEY!!!!"

I look back now and cringe, and I can promise you will too. Know your worth!

ElderberrySuper8832 · 09/11/2022 16:14

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/11/2022 15:59

OP said she was still at school, so I'm guessing 17 or 18. The dude in question has been married for 3yrs, so he's significantly older and a lot more experienced.

OP I was a tit like this when I was your age. Bringing food, sucking cock and then cleaning up in a desperate shout of "See what I do for you?!? I'M THE PERFECT WIFEY!!!!"

I look back now and cringe, and I can promise you will too. Know your worth!

Yeah, that's not the case for me I'm sorry you did all that trying to show that you are the perfect wifey. I offered to help my friend clean up her house. Does that mean I'm trying to be her wifey too? I mean people are putting so much emphasis on me helping him clean like it's a big deal. When really it isn't I didn't do it because I want to marry this guy. I was just helping because I know he works a lot and it seemed like he needed a little help. So what? The people on this forum are really judgemental. I guess next I'll get called a wh*re because I've decided to go out with the new guy.

OP posts:
SweetChild0mine · 09/11/2022 16:24

@ElderberrySuper8832 - do you want to be with him?
Do you think he wants to be with you?
Do you think he's right for you?
What's stopping you seeing the new guy?
What do your family and friends think of this situation?
If this person (you) was your daughter, would you be happy for her to continue any sort of relationship with this man or would you want better for her?

monsteramunch · 09/11/2022 16:36

Don't you think it's a bit of a dick move to go on a date with the new guy when you say you don't want a relationship at the moment but he's specifically said that's what he's looking for?

JorisBonson · 09/11/2022 17:27

I can't believe this is still going.

BlackBarbie · 09/11/2022 17:31

oh you’re still at school? This makes much more sense now! I was wondering how an adult could act like this and think it wasn’t bizarre or embarrassing

IamTheBridge · 09/11/2022 17:35

JorisBonson · 09/11/2022 17:27

I can't believe this is still going.

There's never ending chapters when she can remember to come to the thread.

flutterbyfly · 09/11/2022 18:29

You're not actually engaging with what posters are saying though OP, just arguing that him using you for sex and housework is somehow him being "into" you, which you don't care about because you are going on a date with the new guy.

That isn't the mic drop moment you think it is, by the way. I bet you've made a point of telling original guy that you are dating others though, to get a reaction?

The whole sordid saga just screams desperation.

How old are you??

category12 · 09/11/2022 19:06

ElderberrySuper8832 · 09/11/2022 16:14

Yeah, that's not the case for me I'm sorry you did all that trying to show that you are the perfect wifey. I offered to help my friend clean up her house. Does that mean I'm trying to be her wifey too? I mean people are putting so much emphasis on me helping him clean like it's a big deal. When really it isn't I didn't do it because I want to marry this guy. I was just helping because I know he works a lot and it seemed like he needed a little help. So what? The people on this forum are really judgemental. I guess next I'll get called a wh*re because I've decided to go out with the new guy.

You're definitely making up your own storyline in your head.

It's weird to do some bloke's housework who you barely know. And yes, you barely know him, you've had 1 date, several netflix & chill sessions and then he told you he doesn't want to date you. Then he gets you round for sex occasionally - that is not friendship.

No-one's going to tell you you're a whore for going out with someone else, who apparently actually wants to date you. 🙄

I'd advise you not to sleep with the new guy too quickly as obviously you can't handle casual sex well.

Aprilx · 09/11/2022 19:44

ElderberrySuper8832 · 09/11/2022 16:14

Yeah, that's not the case for me I'm sorry you did all that trying to show that you are the perfect wifey. I offered to help my friend clean up her house. Does that mean I'm trying to be her wifey too? I mean people are putting so much emphasis on me helping him clean like it's a big deal. When really it isn't I didn't do it because I want to marry this guy. I was just helping because I know he works a lot and it seemed like he needed a little help. So what? The people on this forum are really judgemental. I guess next I'll get called a wh*re because I've decided to go out with the new guy.

It is a big deal that you went round and did his cleaning and had sex, even if you hadn’t had sex, the cleaning is still demeaning. You barely even know this man, what the hell are you doing his cleaning for? It’s not woman’s work you know. If he thought anything of you he would have cleaned up before you arrived. But of course we all know that he doesn’t think much of you, other than you are easy sex, and now, maybe a good way to get some housework done too.

Are you really only 17? I guess that explains somethings, but maybe all the more reason for you to pay attention to what people are I think universally telling you.

AutisticLegoLover · 09/11/2022 19:48

Ah the folly of youth.

CPL593H · 09/11/2022 20:54

Aprilx · 09/11/2022 19:44

It is a big deal that you went round and did his cleaning and had sex, even if you hadn’t had sex, the cleaning is still demeaning. You barely even know this man, what the hell are you doing his cleaning for? It’s not woman’s work you know. If he thought anything of you he would have cleaned up before you arrived. But of course we all know that he doesn’t think much of you, other than you are easy sex, and now, maybe a good way to get some housework done too.

Are you really only 17? I guess that explains somethings, but maybe all the more reason for you to pay attention to what people are I think universally telling you.

I've really missed the bit where the OP says she's 17, but it doesn't surprise me.

OP-raise your game and have some self respect. Helping a proper friend clean is rather different as presumably you are not shagging them afterwards before being sent on your way.

ListeningButNotHearing · 09/11/2022 22:25

You must accept the fact that he doesn’t want to know you.
Stop wasting your energy.
Nobody wants a bunny boiler.

monsteramunch · 09/11/2022 22:33

Wait, OP is 17/18? I missed that.

Oh dear.

Tannedandfake · 09/11/2022 22:44

JorisBonson · 09/11/2022 17:27

I can't believe this is still going.

This ☝️ absolutely agree!

littleworld187 · 09/11/2022 22:44

This thread is funny

Op asking for advice and then ignoring all the advice

If you want to do a bit of cleaning come over to mine anytime

ElderberrySuper8832 · 12/11/2022 19:41

CPL593H · 09/11/2022 20:54

I've really missed the bit where the OP says she's 17, but it doesn't surprise me.

OP-raise your game and have some self respect. Helping a proper friend clean is rather different as presumably you are not shagging them afterwards before being sent on your way.

I never said my age so I don't know what you're talking about. He's a diabetic so that's why I help him out.

OP posts:
CPL593H · 12/11/2022 20:14

ElderberrySuper8832 · 12/11/2022 19:41

I never said my age so I don't know what you're talking about. He's a diabetic so that's why I help him out.

Not interesting now I'm afraid OP.

ElderberrySuper8832 · 12/11/2022 20:22

Aprilx · 09/11/2022 19:44

It is a big deal that you went round and did his cleaning and had sex, even if you hadn’t had sex, the cleaning is still demeaning. You barely even know this man, what the hell are you doing his cleaning for? It’s not woman’s work you know. If he thought anything of you he would have cleaned up before you arrived. But of course we all know that he doesn’t think much of you, other than you are easy sex, and now, maybe a good way to get some housework done too.

Are you really only 17? I guess that explains somethings, but maybe all the more reason for you to pay attention to what people are I think universally telling you.

He had just come home from work and when I walked in he was washing the dishes. I saw that the floor was messy and I decided to sweep. He has diabetes and works a lot so I decided to help him. Just thinking about all the stress that's all. Yeah, ok I guess I shouldn't be so nice. No, I am not 17 and I never said I was so I'm not sure why people are assuming this.

OP posts:
AuntieDickhead · 12/11/2022 20:29

I'm diabetic, anyone want to come and do my housework? Sex is optional Grin

Name99 · 12/11/2022 20:40

How did the hot date with the new guy go OP?

amiold · 12/11/2022 21:01

AuntieDickhead · 12/11/2022 20:29

I'm diabetic, anyone want to come and do my housework? Sex is optional Grin

Be round in five hun. Leave the door open.

Ps should I make your tea?

surreygirl1987 · 12/11/2022 21:20

Just let him go.

AuntieDickhead · 12/11/2022 23:45

amiold · 12/11/2022 21:01

Be round in five hun. Leave the door open.

Ps should I make your tea?

You're so kind. I'll make the drinks. I'm a nice host like that.