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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband just slapped me

357 replies

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:18

..... I said he was too busy pleasing himself to spend any time with us as a family. He went out in the evening twice this week and is spending all day doing his hobbies. I said he could take our 3 year old son swimming next week. He said 'no thanks, I'm busy, stop being a bitch' and I squirted baby pouch at him (we have a 1 year old) and he slapped me hard across my cheek. Our children were next door. He then said 'you deserved that'. This is the icing on the cake. He spends no time with the children and I'm just envious of those families who have lovely weekends together. I don't know what to do. I don't want to see my children 50% of the time, I will not survive that.

OP posts:
Littlegoth · 23/10/2022 13:21
  1. you might not survive your husband. This is just the start.
  2. He will demand 50/50 but in reality he’s unlikely to do this as he won’t want anything to interfere with his hobbies.
PeekabooAtTheZoo · 23/10/2022 13:22

If your children were next door, why did you have an open baby pouch in your hand to squirt at him?
Call the police if he hit you as it’s assault.
Children shouldn’t live in a house where this is happening.

GCAcademic · 23/10/2022 13:22

I’m sorry OP. You need to leave, this is only going to get worse. Given the amount of parenting he does, it certainly won’t be a case of 50% , more like him just about managing an overnight once a fortnight, if that.

JuneOsborne · 23/10/2022 13:22

Well, given that he barely sees the kids now, why would he want 50/50?

It's a threat a lot of men use to keep women in their place. The reality is, he'd get eow at best. Don't let that put you off getting out and living a normal life.

Thehonestbadger · 23/10/2022 13:23

Call the police and report him.
Not reporting him now will mean you have much less of a case on which to argue full custody the next time he hits you.

So many women don’t report the first 10 or 20 smaller assaults then when it gets really bad and he does serious damage they don’t have the paper trail to back up a pattern of violence and abuse to stop contact with children.

I'm so sorry this happened but it will certainly happen again if you do nothing.

xx

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/10/2022 13:23

Squirting a baby pouch at someone is spur of the moment silly.
slapping someone is assault. Call the police.

MassiveSalad22 · 23/10/2022 13:24
  1. would he even want 50/50?
  2. would he even be granted 50/50 given he’s domestically violent? I would hope not but have no idea.

Take the scumbag for all he’s worth OP.

Original poster
carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:24

@Littlegoth he will do everything he can to do to get them and he and his family will manipulate it all. He's been rough with me before and I told his dad to come and remove him from our house, he refused because he said I had provoked him. Again, all I said was that he was too drunk. Today he wasn't drunk. I'm embarrassed about this whole thing.

OP posts:
Alibro79 · 23/10/2022 13:25

You won't though, will you. Because he is too selfish. If he spends no time with them now he certainly isn't going to have 50% custody. He might request it, might even do it for a few weeks. But he won't stick at it.

Please don't stay with him.

He sounds like my ex in terms of his hobbies etc. I left my ex when my little girl was 18 months, he was never physically abusive. I delayed and delayed because i couldn't stand the thought of not having her all the time.

Now, i really value my own time when he has her (i had none of it when we were together, if i was on hand he was all of a sudden totally incapable and required my constant input) but he rarely has her the time he's meant to (2 nights one week, 4 the next). The stuff he'll give priority over having her baffles me. But it suits me that way, so i say I'm always willing to help.

Original poster
carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:26

If I report to the police I have to
Give my address and will they turn up? I can't do that to my kids

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 23/10/2022 13:27

My ExH could barely manage to have them one or two Saturday nights a month. They are grown up and down't bother with him now.

He was all billy big bollocks with his threats of court ordered contect blah blah threats and nonsense. The reality is that children interfered with his weekends, work shifts and social life. They were such a burden. Husbands do sometimes change after children are born and you don't recognise who they are any more.

Please have our permission and encouragement to get out of this awful relationship a.s.a.p.

MassiveSalad22 · 23/10/2022 13:27

What’s worse OP, the kids seeing the police turn up and know that you’re there advocating and protecting them, and they can rely on you and the police…. Or living with an abuser?

GCAcademic · 23/10/2022 13:28

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:26

If I report to the police I have to
Give my address and will they turn up? I can't do that to my kids

You’d rather your kids grow up in a domestic violence situation than report to the police?

Original poster
carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:28

@MassiveSalad22 I totally totally agree. But will the police turn up, genuinely am unsure what would happen if I did

OP posts:
Icecreamandapplepie · 23/10/2022 13:29

Please don't be embarrassed.

This is not a reflection on you but him.

bonzaitree · 23/10/2022 13:29

OP can you get some alone time to call womens aid? Take the kids out to the park and give them a ring.

Of course you don't have to call the police - it's your decision. But at least get some assistance from womens aid.

Or you can use their chat service...

https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/?gl=1116hs48k8kgaNjA5NzY0ODEwLjE2NjY1MjgwOTk..gaa_C8H9JGBD77*MTY2NjUyODA5OS4xLjEuMTY2NjUyODExMC4wLjAuMA..

GrumpyPanda · 23/10/2022 13:29

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:26

If I report to the police I have to
Give my address and will they turn up? I can't do that to my kids

You would be negligent towards your kids if you didn't report him. Especially since it now turns out it's a repeat performance.

Please, please call the police now, and also make sure to mention the past abuse.

B1pbop · 23/10/2022 13:29

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:26

If I report to the police I have to
Give my address and will they turn up? I can't do that to my kids

You have to do that to your kids. Teach them that the police are good and that someone in the world is looking out for them and what’s good and right.

Bosabosa · 23/10/2022 13:30

I don't have any advice or knowledge on this. I only think that you need to report this to someone and if you do, then there's a paper trail, and then he's unlikely to get 50-50 (if he actually got 50-50 which I would doubt). He may not get them at all unsupervised if he's violent. Please don't think him slapping you, being rough with you, is better than not living with him. And is it likely he'll one day start hitting the kids? Please call the police.

B1pbop · 23/10/2022 13:31

Sorry - I don’t mean you have to call the police, it’s your decision how you handle this, but whatever action you take, please think of them and teach them that good and kind people exist.

AutumnCrow · 23/10/2022 13:31

I agree that if you're not ready to call the Police yet, go somewhere private and give Women's Aid a call. Make this real.

Please don't be intimidated by his family. If he wants a contact order HE has to do it. HE has to turn up at court. HE has to talk to a solicitor. HE has to talk to CAFCASS. He can't get his mum and dad to do it, not this time.

bewarethetides · 23/10/2022 13:34

Send/take the children to a friend's then call the police.

NCtonotgetroasted · 23/10/2022 13:34

Please call the police.

Get photos of your face if he's left a mark.

If you do decide to leave him, and you are worried that he would want the children full time (tbh he's unlikely to get it, and he's probably even less likely to want it in reality) then you will want things like this documented so that you can prove the level of risk he poses.

Please get your documents, finances etc in order if you're able.

Get advice from Womens Aid.

Your children will forgive you for protecting yourself and them, but if you leave them in a home with domestic violence the harm that will be caused will be so much worse.

rainbowstardrops · 23/10/2022 13:35

He said you deserved a slap?!!!
Is this what you want your children to see growing up?

BattenburgDonkey · 23/10/2022 13:38

No need to report the assault and leave him/kick him out. Even if he did get 50/50 it’s better for your kids for you to be separated than being forced to live in a toxic abusive household.