Husband just slapped me

[carbibarbie]

..... I said he was too busy pleasing himself to spend any time with us as a family. He went out in the evening twice this week and is spending all day doing his hobbies. I said he could take our 3 year old son swimming next week. He said 'no thanks, I'm busy, stop being a bitch' and I squirted baby pouch at him (we have a 1 year old) and he slapped me hard across my cheek. Our children were next door. He then said 'you deserved that'. This is the icing on the cake. He spends no time with the children and I'm just envious of those families who have lovely weekends together. I don't know what to do. I don't want to see my children 50% of the time, I will not survive that.

If you had a daughter who was going through what you're going through, what would you advise her to do??

As soon as last kid moved out

She has a one year old. Are you seriously suggesting she sits quietly for the next 17 years and lives with a man who has “been rough before” and thinks women deserve a slap?

Blimey, @gotelltheoldmandowntheroad you need to raise your standards up from the deep pit you buried them in before women got the vote.

Don't be ridiculous. Most PP are giving the exact same advice that eg Womens Aid would offer. Being silly with a liquid foodstuff is NOT assault. Slapping someone & telling them they deserve it is.

Besides, OP has the option to call the specialist DV section, who are well versed in the dynamics of control & abuse. They are hardly going to put OP in the frame for the violence perpetrated against her - also, this is not the first time this man has got handsy with her. It needs documenting, & he needs to learn that he will not get away with assaulting his wife.

So he can hit their mother, more than once.

But you can't show your children DV is not to be tolerated.

Call the police, and leave him.

The hits will become harder and more often and you will become submissive and believe you "did something wrong", "you deserve it", if only you were a good wife, didn't nag, let him do whatever he wants!!!!!

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

When they came to me, my ex had already left for work.

They took a statement, which was recorded on their bodycam, so that it could be used in evidence should they need to prosecute. They said they would put a priority call flag on both landline and mobile numbers, so that they could get someone here quickly should I need to call again. They offered to come and see him and warn him, but I declined. They told me that if there was another incident, they could arrest him and include a bail condition that he wasn't to return to the matrimonial home for at least 28 days while I decided what I wanted to do.

They were incredibly supportive and reassuring.

@viques I think some people just say stupid and awful things for a reaction. Maybe I'm being naive but I have a hard time accepting that people, especially women are advising a woman to stay in a violent relationship.

Op, leave before you can’t, the longer you stay there the more convinced you will get it is your fault and you cannot live without him.

Honestly, grandparents cannot Sue you for contact and this arse will lose interest in his children, he is not interested already. It is far far more likely he will stop showing up to contact than him having them every other weekend.

This. I'm sorry he's treating you this way, OP.

Mine started with a slap. He broke my jaw in front of my toddler before he left less than two years later. I do wish I'd called the police.

@Midwifetob2024
I would like to think that was the case but that posters whole post had some strange ideas in it. I hope it was just for shock value, but who knows.

I’m fairly sure if the genders were reversed

I wish posters would stop doing this on threads about domestic violence by men against women.

Honestly he won't want 50 50, it's just something to keep you in line. When exh and I split he said he was taking the children and they weren't small and needing lots of care. He said it thinking he'd keep me in line.
Five years later dd hasn't spent one night at exh's and generally only goes there once a year to decorate the Christmas tree. Ds goes each Saturday during the football season because he has the full sports package. Exh had no interest in pursuing any arrangements for the dc because it would have meant he'd actually need to do something.

@America12 oh you poor lady, I hope you're doing better now.

Throwing food over someone is assault. And actually a textbook humiliation tactic of coercive controllers. Not saying the OP is in the wrong here but only that the ex will be able to paint himself as a victim. Anyone who is familiar with sexual and domestic violence conviction rates should be skeptical of expecting the cops to deliver justice

No man ever wants to look after his young children 50% of the time, are you kidding? Don't have any worries on that score, unless he plans on dumping them on his mother while he buggers about enjoying his 'hobbies'. Even the prospect of paying the highest level of child support isn't a big enough incentive. Men can't be bothered with the drudgery.

He has assaulted you. Police and solicitors. Domestic violence.

I'm worried that because I squirted baby pouch, I am as bad as him. I caused it perhaps? I saw red, beyond frustrated with him. Imagine if social services thought I was abusive!!

I'd say squirting the pouch at him us also assault. Doesn't excuse the slap however.

No, it was childish at most but not abusive in the context.

That’s not helpful

This is domestic abuse, think of yourself and your kids before it gets out of hand. Already bad enough!

Are you for real 🤣🤣

If you won't do anything now, however much it costs, go and get legal advice asap.

Do you have family and friends support? What is the housing situation? How many children and what ages? Do you work? (sorry for the questions but they're relevant to advising you)

You can't stay there long term.

I have had my 45 year old husband literally weep in my arms today, because he was brought up by an abusive shitty father who in his words petrified everyone in the family.

Don’t underestimate the ongoing damage that being brought in an abusive household will do to your children. It’s lifelong. Better for you to be alone, and if this nasty shitbag can’t manage time with his kids now he certainly won’t when you’re separated.

OFGS. No it's not.