Husband just slapped me

[carbibarbie]

..... I said he was too busy pleasing himself to spend any time with us as a family. He went out in the evening twice this week and is spending all day doing his hobbies. I said he could take our 3 year old son swimming next week. He said 'no thanks, I'm busy, stop being a bitch' and I squirted baby pouch at him (we have a 1 year old) and he slapped me hard across my cheek. Our children were next door. He then said 'you deserved that'. This is the icing on the cake. He spends no time with the children and I'm just envious of those families who have lovely weekends together. I don't know what to do. I don't want to see my children 50% of the time, I will not survive that.

I report to the police I have to
Give my address and will they turn up? I can't do that to my kids

But you can expose them to an abusive toxic home?

It’s also a 999 call if he is still in the house - he will kill you
it will escalate
believe me

Be honest did you hit him?
or squirt baby food all over him?

Squirting baby pouch is not hurting someone. Hitting you across the face is unacceptable. Shows he was out of control.

Of course it isn’t, I got half a tangerine lobbed at me recently, so I called him a knobhead and we got on with our day. If I’d have hit him that would have been assault, squirting the food is a bit stupid, but it isn’t anything more than that.

But happy to subject to them to an entire childhood of violence, unhappiness, fear and tension?

And for this abusive marriage be their benchmark for what a relationship should be?

He assaulted you.
Say you spill coffee on a man’s shoes in a cafe — do you expect to be slapped across the face? No.
Call 101, report it. Say you are worried for your safety if police come to the house but you want it looked you’ve been assaulted.
Start planning how to leave. Move money, call Women’s Aid for advice.
I also called FIL for help when my exh was drunk and behaving obnoxiously. He told me I was an adult, to sort it out myself, they didn’t want to know. Makes you think the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, doesn’t it?

Logged, not looked.

Someone who spends no time at all with the children sounds a bit of a contradiction to someone who will do anything to get them? Where is he going to find the time to have them 50%?

I’m so sorry OP but I’m sure in your heart you know what you must do
You need to call police and tell them whats happened

Sorry but you are now the only responsible adult and it is up to you to ensure the children grow up in a non violent household.

Your husband will make light of the situation so get ready for that. No one should lay a hand on you and no child deserves to live in a home like this.
He is a weak bullying twat OP

Your a monster Eggs, & I am reporting you to 101. It's the mumsnet way!

This!

Report him to the police, otherwise it’ll be worse next time.

You were wrong to squirt the baby pouch on him but his reaction of slapping you hard is over the top and worse.

I see lots of marital issues here that will need to be addressed and resolved IF you were to get past this and work on your marriage but I agree with others you should report it and start protecting yourself and your kids.

Report this to the police and any further intimidation, aggression or threats too.
This is only going to get worse and potentially is going to be dangerous to you. It WILL harm your children to see and hear this kind if behaviour, so if you can't do it for yourself, then do it for them.

One very good reason for reporting it is that it begins a pattern of evidence that you might need in the future. If you decide you need to get away or want to restrict his access to you and the children for your safety, you might be subject to him taking legal action against you. There is NO LEGAL AID for family courts and you could end up being unable to take or defend action due to cost. The only situation in which legal costs can be claimed, is if there is DOCUMENTED domestic abuse. You might be putting up with extreme abuse, but if you have kept quiet about it and tried to carry on (as a lot of women do), you will have no resources whatsoever if he decides to take you to court over custody or access to children. You won't have a solicitor or anyone to advise you.
By reporting abuse, physical or emotional, you put yourself in a much stronger position if you ever have to protect yourself legally.

You might feel that all this fuss isn't worth it and that you can cope by keeping him calm and not provoking him. That's not a good strategy. It usually continues or escalates. You can end up wasting years or decades losing yourself in 'walking on eggshells'.
His reaction was calculated to restore the balance of power in his favour. He is going to manage you, so that you don't dare ask him to do more with the children in future. He is training you to suit his expectations.
I know it sounds dramatic, but unfortunately it's a very, very common situation and is one you probably won't even recognise is occuring at the time.

Get an outside agency involved now. Don't wait.
You can always decide not to take up support later, but it's much harder to get legal back up later.

I’m so sorry

im concerned your reaction if that you will have 50% custody
he’s doesn’t even ducking see them now
That must not be reason you don’t escape this

please send yourself an email statement of what happened
please also call womens aid

This is nonsense and you know it is. He’s hit you and he’s hit you before. Stop making excuses and call the police.

I'm seeing more and more mums saying they can't leave abusive relationships as they'll lose their kids 50% of the time.

This is something abusive partners do. Alongside the abuse they e emotionally manipulate you into being to scared to report it.

They know exactly what they are doing.

But he won't do that. The argument that led to the abuse was because he didn't want to take his pre schooler swimming and called you a bitch for suggesting he be a dad.

That's why you need a record of this. So when he tries to continue the abuse and control when you've left you have evidence. Evidence speaks for itself and you don't need to engage then.

Call the police and report him now.
Good god dh has never, ever used such misogynistic language towards me never mind raised a hand to me. Trust me he would never hear the end of it if he did.
Your prick of a husband is never going to push for looking after his children 50% of the time, he has specifically told you he does not want that.
Stop exposing your children to this vile pig. If you can’t leave him for yourself then for the love of god do it for your children.

I wouldn't report a slap to the police, personally, but I'd end the relationship because it's clearly toxic. He doesn't want to be part of the family dynamic and you're exhausted with it. What's the point?

Also, any court decision about custody and access will be taken with what is best for the children in mind. It's not like dividing up property. If you have evidence that he is volatile, occasionally abusive etc etc, it's most likely that the children will live with you and have visits with him.
You could end up with the best outcome for you and your children eventually.
You WILL need legal support though, so make a report on every incidence of abuse to Police or your local Domestic Violence service.

But squirting a baby pouch at someone isn't illegal, whereas he committed assault.

@carbibarbie Are you unsure because you are afraid of what your DH will do you? If so, you know what you need to do. Others here have given great advice about who to contact.

He's been rough with you before and now it's a slap. I have no doubt next will be a punch.

Try not to think about the what-if's regarding custody. Your priority is to keep you and your children safe and away from him and his toxic family.