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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband just slapped me

357 replies

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:18

..... I said he was too busy pleasing himself to spend any time with us as a family. He went out in the evening twice this week and is spending all day doing his hobbies. I said he could take our 3 year old son swimming next week. He said 'no thanks, I'm busy, stop being a bitch' and I squirted baby pouch at him (we have a 1 year old) and he slapped me hard across my cheek. Our children were next door. He then said 'you deserved that'. This is the icing on the cake. He spends no time with the children and I'm just envious of those families who have lovely weekends together. I don't know what to do. I don't want to see my children 50% of the time, I will not survive that.

OP posts:
Tsort · 23/10/2022 13:38

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:28

@MassiveSalad22 I totally totally agree. But will the police turn up, genuinely am unsure what would happen if I did

Yes, if you call the police and tell them these your partner has hit you, they will turn up.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 23/10/2022 13:40

This isn't a case where you actually have any choice. He assaulted you and is a danger to you and your children. To not leave, is neglect of both them and you.

I'm sorry to be so blunt but you need to get to a safe place for you and your children. This is how it starts and it will escalate. It will never get better.

Ring women's aid, ring the polic, ring your family and friends but get help somewhere.

MulberryMoon · 23/10/2022 13:41

Littlegoth · 23/10/2022 13:21

  1. you might not survive your husband. This is just the start.
  2. He will demand 50/50 but in reality he’s unlikely to do this as he won’t want anything to interfere with his hobbies.

Agree with this

LoekMa · 23/10/2022 13:42

Ok. So embarassment stops you from calling the police now.

Wonder what your excuse will be once he starts beating the living daylight out of your kids.

LaGioconda · 23/10/2022 13:42

Why is it so terrible if the police turn up? Is it worse than being hit, and your children continuing to witness violence towards you?

TimBoothseyes · 23/10/2022 13:43

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:26

If I report to the police I have to
Give my address and will they turn up? I can't do that to my kids

Which is worse, the police turning up to remove their dad for hitting you or SW's turning up to remove them from a violent household?....your choice OP. I know which I'd choose.

gamerchick · 23/10/2022 13:44

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:28

@MassiveSalad22 I totally totally agree. But will the police turn up, genuinely am unsure what would happen if I did

Go against him in any custody case stunt be may pull?

Elieza · 23/10/2022 13:48

Your kids need you alive and healthy. Otherwise he gets full custody. How’d you think that’d work out for them. You need to take them and leave. Seek help. Don’t stay.

As you have already found, his family are violent types who don’t respect you (or possibly all women, I don’t know if it’s a misogyny thing).

Things will ramp up. And, if you’re still alive in a few years time, I’d suggest your kids will have definitely witnessed you being held up against a door by the throat etc because ‘you’ve provoked’ him.

By staying, you are subjecting then to witnessing this treatment. And possibly receiving it.

I wonder if your drinking is because you’re struggling - and it’s actually all because of him. You’d be so much happier away from him. Don’t give up. Get away.

gotelltheoldmandowntheroad · 23/10/2022 13:49

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:24

@Littlegoth he will do everything he can to do to get them and he and his family will manipulate it all. He's been rough with me before and I told his dad to come and remove him from our house, he refused because he said I had provoked him. Again, all I said was that he was too drunk. Today he wasn't drunk. I'm embarrassed about this whole thing.

Not worth the hassle of leaving I agree
i would check out of the relationship mentally, take The benefits of the situation and live a life outside the marriage alone.
id also make plans to leave soon as last kid moved out.

JestersTear · 23/10/2022 13:50

What's your housing situation OP?
Do you own or rent? Whose name is the house in? Do you have friends or family you could go and stay with?
I'm sorry but this is an assault, no matter whether you squired anything at him first or not. You and the kids need to leave.

irrrannuu · 23/10/2022 13:51

It's tricky. I left the father of my children due to domestic abuse - physical and emotional. I called the police after he became violent during a visit to our home. They turned up in 3 police cars and was all quite frightening for me and the children - it was all big men and they asked lots of questions that I was really too frazzled/shocked to answer properly and they also informed me that it would have to be reported to social services as the children were in the house at the time.

It's important that there's a record of the incident but I am not sure calling the police right now would be the best course of action. They would want him out of the house immediately and social services would be called.

Personally, I would call Women's Aid (or live chat) and get some advice when he's not around.

It's better to plan and stay calm if you can.

The other issue regarding custody, please try not to worry about this. This is a ploy to keep you in your place. If he can't be bothered now, he won't be bothered when you're separated. You will most likely be called abusive by his family and so on as he will have to paint you as a villain to everyone so he can keep looking like the good guy. They all do this.

Peoniesandcream · 23/10/2022 13:53

Please remove your children (and yourself) from this situation, if you don't you risk either ss or the police turning up after he's killed you, which will obviously be much worse.

Simonjt · 23/10/2022 13:53

Your children are victims of domestic violence, as are you, if you choose to do nothing you are accepting that your children will be subjected to more violence, that is neglectful. What happens down the line when the children make a disclosure and its discovered they have been victims of violence for months.

Phone the police, if need be see if you can take the children elsewhere first, can they be dropped off at a friends or relatives house? You could then phone the police and wait outside your property so your husband can’t see you, but so you can see when they arrive to be there.

Do you have a friend or relative you can stay with overnight if an airbnb or bnb is too pricey?

Luckydip1 · 23/10/2022 13:54

Leave him

Whiskeypowers · 23/10/2022 14:00

Trust me it will soon be a lot worse than a slap round the face

Begoniasforever · 23/10/2022 14:00

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/10/2022 13:23

Squirting a baby pouch at someone is spur of the moment silly.
slapping someone is assault. Call the police.

I’m fairly sure if the genders were reversed you’d say different. Both were abusive him way worse.

op you need to get out and end this. What a shit show.

tkwal · 23/10/2022 14:01

You say you don't want to put your kids through having the police come to the house. Well it's up to you. I can say that from experience things will only escalate from here . How will you feel when, one day he decides the kids "deserved that" It sounds as if the apple hasn't fallen far from the family tree as well

mistermagpie · 23/10/2022 14:01

Unfortunately even the half interested dads I know don't have (or want it seems) 50/50 custody, so I wouldn't worry about that. If he can't be arsed with the kids now he's hardly likely to want them half the time.

Squirting a baby pouch was a bit silly, and that's how he reacted. Imagine if you said or did something he found even more provocative? What's he going to do then?! You can't live like that. The whole thing sounds toxic and you're not safe. Start making a plan to leave.

namechangedembarrassing · 23/10/2022 14:02

This is the start. Call the police for the sake of your kids…

Newnamefor2021 · 23/10/2022 14:04

Call the police, report it!

You say you can't do that to your kids. Do what exactly? Stand up for yourself? You'd rather your kids see you as his lunch bag and think it's normal?

If you do it then you're doing it for yourself and your kids. If you don't then you're letting them and yourself down.

OperaStation · 23/10/2022 14:04

Don’t be embarrassed. Call the police.

40andfit · 23/10/2022 14:07

carbibarbie · 23/10/2022 13:28

@MassiveSalad22 I totally totally agree. But will the police turn up, genuinely am unsure what would happen if I did

You put the kids in front of ceebies and they either won’t notice or they will be excited that the police came to see them.

Your DH is very unlikely to kick off in front of the police.

cantthinkofabetterusername · 23/10/2022 14:12

@gotelltheoldmandowntheroad what ridiculous advice! By doing nothing OP won't be alive by the time the last child leaves home.
OP call the police and get this abusive prick out of yours and your kids lives, they'll thank you for it in the long run

gottastopeatingchocolate · 23/10/2022 14:16

You don't need to call 999. There is a Domestic Abuse unit in the police, and in your shoes I would call and ask to speak with them. They will discuss with you the safest way to meet with you. It may trigger social services involvement, to ensure that the children are safe.

I agree that a call to Womens' Aid or a local DA charity would provide support and information.

Booklover3 · 23/10/2022 14:17

I think you need this on record so he doesn’t get 50/50 when you do leave him.

I think he’s lazy and unlikely to go for 50/50 and even if he does I don’t see it lasting long 2bh!

if my OH ever slapped me it would be the last time he did. I wouldn’t be giving him a second chance to do so again.