DF debt

[Beanzz]

Hi,

looking for perspective please.

found out by chance that fiancé has recently taken out a personal loan.

from his reaction to my initial questioning I guessed it was a lot and probed more. He told me it was around £30k he took out.

he told me it’s to support his new business due to cost of materials going sky high, delays in building work etc (this is true). He said he did this for his his existing business when it opened 7 years ago and was fine and paid it off.

however I’ve just found out he’s taken another £25k business loan out for his exisiting business on top of this new personal loan for new shop.

I also found out the personal loan is for £50k not £30k! So he lied about thy which is a red flag to me.

I am in a panic, I’ve never had debt, own my own house, have decent savings. I’m only 29, he’s 36 with no house but his businesses are potentially worth a lot I guess.

The fact he lied about the loan amount concerns me. He’s wonderful in every regard otherwise, loving, sweet, hard working.

he has a high earning day job (£100k), and is due a bonus which says he will use to pay off his loan…but I don’t think his bonus will be that much to be honest.

but I am panicking, I did some Googling and I won’t be liable for his debt, but I am worried about entering a legal marriage with someone with such huge debts?

aibu? Am I over reacting?

Don't marry him.

Are you far off the wedding?

Two weeks!!!!! Hence the sheer panic as just found this all out :(

Have you had an upfront chat about your finances?

So far you know about £75k debt. He is a high earner so this needs to be taken into account.

What are your finances ljke? And why does he have a job and a business loan? Is it a side hustle?

Postpone the wedding. Not because he has business debts, but because you two clearly haven't talked nearly enough about your attitudes to money, debt etc.

Prenup to ensure all debt is HIS?

Wow OP, that would be a deal breaker for me to be honest. There is no respect and trust if he lies to you, especially about something that important.

We’ve discussed salaries, savings, and recently debt, which is where this came up and opened a can of worms.

I asked for his plan to pay back and what the interest rate was etc.

he previously wanted to open a joint bank account but I said I’d prefer keeping finances separate until married (I’m glad I said this now).

for reference, he has a day job, two side businesses that run themselves. He doesn’t own a house, no savings, just his businesses as assets.

I have one full time senior job - no debt, own a house and have a fair bit of savings for my age.

OP,

Has he ever had a mortgage?

How has he got to 36 with no savings or house?

I will deffo enquire about a prenup and see what options I have there about the debt staying as his

As he is a high earner, I mean. (Obviously very easy to get to 36 with no assets if you have a low paying job and/or commitments).

He’s never had a mortgage, he’s central London based most of his life so kind of excusable.

he’s been open about not saving and spending all his salary.

I thought it was fine and we could make a fresh start and I’d help him save, but obviously not with £75k debt…

Do these side hustles actually make any money - or is it all smoke and mirrors?

There are so many red flags waving at the moment in relation to this. first off why has it taken this long to actually talk about money, how it will work between you etc. second prenups can be wriggled out of and basically it means you are starting your marriage from a foundation of mistrust. if you need a prenup then you dont need a wedding. How much do you actually know about him? do you know for sure this is what he earns in his day job? do you know these two side businesses are actually legitimate and capable of turning a profit rather than just a wannabe hobby? I would want to know everything - absolutely everything - about his actual salary, his side businesses, the loans the lot before I married him because otherwise you are setting yourself up for a whole world of misery. so you get a prenup and you agree 50/50 on the bills and then he has no money and cant pay so what happens then. there was a thread on this the other day and he cant pay then its down to you or you risk losing your home, your car, your utilities being cut off etc. On such a huge salary why does he have no savings? does he have a pension plan? he sounds like one of those men who as fast as it comes in it goes out and some. is that how you want to live your life forever?

He's on 100k a year with no savings, no assets, just debts ... seriously?!

I wouldn’t marry him, until his debts are sorted. Sorry, OP, but it’s been his lies that has led to you having such a shock late in the day.

Yes to get to £100k at 36 and have no savings is a worry. Also your point about always being central London based hence not owning is a red herring - most people who work in central London live in the suburbs or the home counties or buy where they can afford. What has he been spending his money on - a flash car, designer clothes, subsidising his businesses? Who is paying for your wedding?

Are they secured or unsecured loans?

two side businesses that run themselves

Translation - don't make or actually lose money. Any details of these businesses that 'run themselves'? because that's not like any business I know.

He would be entitled to half your house/savings? Even writing this down brings me out in a cold sweat! Please sort this begore marrying!

It’s not normal to be 36, no assets or savings and to have such a huge personal loan.
In your shoes, I’d be postponing the wedding.

He’s entered into high value loans just before you get married and he’s lied about it. You are financially secure. I’d postpone the wedding tbh. The lack of openness and ensuring lack of trust would be a real issue for me, regardless of his earnings. We are heading into a recession imo and you will be responsible for his debt, once married, if his businesses go tits up

I’d need to know the nitty gritty. I’d need to see all the paperwork and speak to an accountant and lawyer about it.

Why was 75k needed? Is the business expanding (then what about his time commitment) or is it losing money?

Honestly postpone at least.
You are bringing assets, he is bringing debt.
If you split, you will likely split both debt and assets.
Don't do it.

I speak from experience.. go out and buy yourself a nice pair of trainers. Put them on a run as fast as you can away from this man. 14 yrs on and I'm faced with many financial issues living in temporary accommodation with our two children because my high earning business man husband has left us no alternative.. trust me when I say this - there will be much more shit you don't know and marrying him will tie you into all sorts