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Original poster

DF debt

199 replies

Beanzz · 18/10/2022 12:08

Hi,

looking for perspective please.

found out by chance that fiancé has recently taken out a personal loan.

from his reaction to my initial questioning I guessed it was a lot and probed more. He told me it was around £30k he took out.

he told me it’s to support his new business due to cost of materials going sky high, delays in building work etc (this is true). He said he did this for his his existing business when it opened 7 years ago and was fine and paid it off.

however I’ve just found out he’s taken another £25k business loan out for his exisiting business on top of this new personal loan for new shop.

I also found out the personal loan is for £50k not £30k! So he lied about thy which is a red flag to me.

I am in a panic, I’ve never had debt, own my own house, have decent savings. I’m only 29, he’s 36 with no house but his businesses are potentially worth a lot I guess.

The fact he lied about the loan amount concerns me. He’s wonderful in every regard otherwise, loving, sweet, hard working.

he has a high earning day job (£100k), and is due a bonus which says he will use to pay off his loan…but I don’t think his bonus will be that much to be honest.

but I am panicking, I did some Googling and I won’t be liable for his debt, but I am worried about entering a legal marriage with someone with such huge debts?

aibu? Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
OnTheBrinkOfChange · 19/10/2022 07:31

Why on earth are you paying for your own watching when he earns £100,000 per year?

I think it's only as I've got older that I've realised how much marriage is a financial arrangement. In your position I would not take that risk of losing everything you have. You've worked so hard for it.

equalstime · 19/10/2022 07:53

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 19/10/2022 07:31

Why on earth are you paying for your own watching when he earns £100,000 per year?

I think it's only as I've got older that I've realised how much marriage is a financial arrangement. In your position I would not take that risk of losing everything you have. You've worked so hard for it.

I agree. It's an outdated concept from when women stayed home and reared the children so they had financial security. Men and women are more equal now so not too sure what the purpose of marriage now is.

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 19/10/2022 08:41

Retired Bank Manager here, and my speciality was Debt Collection for over a decade.

You need to calm down. On threads like this you always get people saying that you will be liable for your partners debts if you get married.

This is completely untrue!

If (and that's an if remember) your Fiance defaulted on his loans, the lender can only pursue him for repayment. Or a Guarantor (which I assume you are not, or you would have said). So, whilst you may want a pre-nup to protect your assets, you do not need one that mentions anything about debt.

So, even when you are married, you have ZERO association with his loans. Please believe me on this. I did debt recovery for about 14 years and I can reassure you that even as his wife, you are untouchable. I presume that he isn't on your house deeds or your mortgage?

Secondly, I don't know what his business is, but many businesses need large overdrafts or loans in order to operate. My FIL was always about £1M in debt when he ran his businesses. They were hugely successful, none the less.

glasshole · 19/10/2022 08:44

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 19/10/2022 08:41

Retired Bank Manager here, and my speciality was Debt Collection for over a decade.

You need to calm down. On threads like this you always get people saying that you will be liable for your partners debts if you get married.

This is completely untrue!

If (and that's an if remember) your Fiance defaulted on his loans, the lender can only pursue him for repayment. Or a Guarantor (which I assume you are not, or you would have said). So, whilst you may want a pre-nup to protect your assets, you do not need one that mentions anything about debt.

So, even when you are married, you have ZERO association with his loans. Please believe me on this. I did debt recovery for about 14 years and I can reassure you that even as his wife, you are untouchable. I presume that he isn't on your house deeds or your mortgage?

Secondly, I don't know what his business is, but many businesses need large overdrafts or loans in order to operate. My FIL was always about £1M in debt when he ran his businesses. They were hugely successful, none the less.

So if they got married in two weeks and divorced/separated in 3 years are you honestly suggesting that their debts would not be taken into account in a financial settlement? That she could LITERALLY end up losing part of her house and savings as both will have needs to be rehoused and debts will absurdly be taken into account.

dontputitthere · 19/10/2022 08:59

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 19/10/2022 08:41

Retired Bank Manager here, and my speciality was Debt Collection for over a decade.

You need to calm down. On threads like this you always get people saying that you will be liable for your partners debts if you get married.

This is completely untrue!

If (and that's an if remember) your Fiance defaulted on his loans, the lender can only pursue him for repayment. Or a Guarantor (which I assume you are not, or you would have said). So, whilst you may want a pre-nup to protect your assets, you do not need one that mentions anything about debt.

So, even when you are married, you have ZERO association with his loans. Please believe me on this. I did debt recovery for about 14 years and I can reassure you that even as his wife, you are untouchable. I presume that he isn't on your house deeds or your mortgage?

Secondly, I don't know what his business is, but many businesses need large overdrafts or loans in order to operate. My FIL was always about £1M in debt when he ran his businesses. They were hugely successful, none the less.

But we're okay with the lying right?

The lying and deception is fine cause it won't affect the op.

Yeah let's marry him. He's already shown he can't be trusted. That's the basis of a great relationship.

I also strongly suspect he's faked the ops signature. Joint loan or guarantor.

I don't know. Or care. If this is right.

The bottom line is he's a liar. And he can't be trusted. Why on earth are you encouraging the op to marry this guy?

SeatonCarew · 19/10/2022 09:12

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/10/2022 16:35

None of this makes sense OP. His takehome pay should be near enough £8k per month. PER MONTH! The outgoings you've suggested cannot be anywhere near that (unless you're living in Knightsbridge or something?)

I suspect there may be an addiction of some sort going on here.

After tax and NI it's just under £5,600 per month.

writergirl007 · 19/10/2022 10:07

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 19/10/2022 08:41

Retired Bank Manager here, and my speciality was Debt Collection for over a decade.

You need to calm down. On threads like this you always get people saying that you will be liable for your partners debts if you get married.

This is completely untrue!

If (and that's an if remember) your Fiance defaulted on his loans, the lender can only pursue him for repayment. Or a Guarantor (which I assume you are not, or you would have said). So, whilst you may want a pre-nup to protect your assets, you do not need one that mentions anything about debt.

So, even when you are married, you have ZERO association with his loans. Please believe me on this. I did debt recovery for about 14 years and I can reassure you that even as his wife, you are untouchable. I presume that he isn't on your house deeds or your mortgage?

Secondly, I don't know what his business is, but many businesses need large overdrafts or loans in order to operate. My FIL was always about £1M in debt when he ran his businesses. They were hugely successful, none the less.

The point isn't whether lenders will pursue her for unpaid debts in his name while married, but how those debts will be divided up if they divorce. If they're married long enough and then split she could be lumbered with some of his debt. Meanwhile he could be entitled to part of her house.

That's why she shouldn't marry him- plus the fact he keeps lying of course.

Fuuuuuckit · 19/10/2022 11:06

The point isn't whether lenders will pursue her for unpaid debts in his name while married, but how those debts will be divided up if they divorce. If they're married long enough and then split she could be lumbered with some of his debt. Meanwhile he could be entitled to part of her house.

100000% this. She won't be liable to pay his personal debt but if they marry then his debt becomes part of the marital pot.

Ekátn · 19/10/2022 11:10

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 19/10/2022 08:41

Retired Bank Manager here, and my speciality was Debt Collection for over a decade.

You need to calm down. On threads like this you always get people saying that you will be liable for your partners debts if you get married.

This is completely untrue!

If (and that's an if remember) your Fiance defaulted on his loans, the lender can only pursue him for repayment. Or a Guarantor (which I assume you are not, or you would have said). So, whilst you may want a pre-nup to protect your assets, you do not need one that mentions anything about debt.

So, even when you are married, you have ZERO association with his loans. Please believe me on this. I did debt recovery for about 14 years and I can reassure you that even as his wife, you are untouchable. I presume that he isn't on your house deeds or your mortgage?

Secondly, I don't know what his business is, but many businesses need large overdrafts or loans in order to operate. My FIL was always about £1M in debt when he ran his businesses. They were hugely successful, none the less.

I don’t understand how you can be so experienced and not understand it does impact the Op if they marry
I had a great credit rating. Exh did not. I could purchase a house until I wrote the credit agencies, advise of the divorce and have him unlinked on my credit file.

The people who turned up on the doorstep when loans failed to be paid, rejected mortgage applications, The constant stress of more debt appearing all impacted me and our children. As did the attempts, sometimes successful, or getting loans in mine or joint names.

and when it ends in divorce it could reduce the shared money and assets available.

and yes, many businesses operate with debt. You don’t take personal loans for. Are you saying your fil has no assets and had £1m of personal debt only? You don’t do these things without a financial reason or advice. In which case he wouldn’t have needed to lie.

This man has nothing to show for his income, including the income from a business.

Why would you try and float the idea that this is entirely normal?

billy1966 · 19/10/2022 11:45

Fuuuuuckit · 19/10/2022 11:06

The point isn't whether lenders will pursue her for unpaid debts in his name while married, but how those debts will be divided up if they divorce. If they're married long enough and then split she could be lumbered with some of his debt. Meanwhile he could be entitled to part of her house.

100000% this. She won't be liable to pay his personal debt but if they marry then his debt becomes part of the marital pot.

Absolutely.

Why would ANYONE become legally, knowingly, attached to a liar with debt.

Talk about a clusterfxxk.

Who cares about cancelling a wedding.

If you were my daughter I would be just so thrilled that the penny had dropped and you had time to walk away from this shit show of a charade.

Gamblers lie, cheat, steal from their kids, commit fraud, .......ALL the time.

scorpio32 · 19/10/2022 12:36

Just want to remind people that we don't know if he's a gambler yet. Non-gamblers lie, cheat and commit fraud as well

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/10/2022 14:22

Just want to remind people that we don't know if he's a gambler yet

Not quite, Scorpio, since OP stated plainly that he does have a history of gambling
Of course that doesn't mean it's what the debts are for, but it seems a fair thing to question given the financial discrepancies, the multiple "businesses" which OP knows little about and his resentment of being questioned about it all

The PP who said debts aren't OP's responsibility right now was correct, but that only applies if she doesn't sign anything to accept them - and with a mindset where she'd pay for the entire wedding despite his claimed £100,000 income that's not something I'd have wanted to count out

christmas2022 · 19/10/2022 16:51

Any update Op?

BMW6 · 20/10/2022 10:02

What's happened OP?

prinnycessa · 20/10/2022 16:32

I hope you're okay OP xxx

GettingItOutThere · 20/10/2022 19:44

how is it going OP?

prinnycessa · 24/10/2022 11:42

How did it go OP?

londongals · 24/10/2022 11:53

as someone said 100kn and nothing in the bank
He is a serial liar
Get out of this now

londongals · 24/10/2022 11:55

you said he business are worth a lot
If he needs to borrow to fund them and has nothing in the bank they are worth less than NOTHING

Fireflygal · 24/10/2022 12:20

@Beanzz, Hope youare doing ok.

It's not going to work out with someone who you know has lied, doesn't share your financial approach and is defensive when challenged.

TheRAW · 27/10/2022 15:08

Run, girl, Run!!!! U just saw the tip of the iceberg. Lying about finances is a blaring siren. And no successful business would draw on a personal loan unless they are truly desperate. I bet if you run through the company books you will find even more debt and/or mismanagement.

Regardless, this person will cause you grief for eternity. Please run!

hardboiledeggs · 27/10/2022 15:11

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! He cannot be trusted OP and when your married, it's your debt too.

MrsMoastyToasty · 29/10/2022 20:48

Any update @Beanzz ?

Pipsquiggle · 05/11/2022 13:43

@Beanzz

Hope you are OK. Just wondering if you got the clarity you needed on his finances and whether you got married?

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