Anyone finding their feet after marriage ended?

[Chocolatepencil]

Hello, just thought I’d see if anyone is still relatively new in finding their feet after their marriage ended?

The separation from him was fairly easy to deal with as it had got toxic but the breakdown of my family unit is something I’ve struggled with - although getting there - and looking forward to Christmas!

Any one care to join a thread about it? ☕

Sorry to hear others are struggling too, I find weekends very difficult and this week being half term has meant DS has been going back and forth even more.

@NotReallySure I hope you are ok too🌷
@ThePredictableScript yes I do feel doubly grateful when DS returns and I know what you mean about being Disney mum though I don't think that's a negative in this respect.
@Stayingstrongish@Stayingstrongish
It's tough when it feels like they prefer the other parent isn't it, though I am sure it's swings the other way too. 1

I'm trying to keep positive but my over riding feeling is heartbreak at the whole situation. Feel like I am on the verge of asking Ex for another go at the marriage. We haven't talked about it at all for more than 1 year. Last thing he said on the matter was "I'm not going to beg you to stay". Not much I could've said to that. How humiliating
😕

Hugs to everyone who's struggling with it.

Sorry for the typos. Typing on the phone.

6 months in here and it was pure relief at first. From him lying and hurting me with his behaviour. Now Sometimes I like him sometimes I hate him. Sometimes I’m angry with him. Plus I am shouldering most the childcare. I’m not sure if this is a delayed reaction. Some days I feel he is making my life difficult on purpose other times he is mr nice guy….

Oh my word why is this so difficult between my H, the mediator and my solicitor I’m getting nowhere fast! Surely it shouldn’t be this hard, are they just wanting to take your money??? It’s way too stressful! It would be easier to create a Time Machine and not get married in the first place !

No massive update here. Still on my diet so not doing much.. only have 1-1half stone to lose so hopefully not too long then ready for the apps and the summer. Ex came and told me he missed me, I told it the feeling wasnt mutual. Tried his best to sleep with me.. er nope. He still wants to come round for daft stuff almost daily which is rebuffed. Caught him on Tinder last night when I went to the car to give him a footpump, after flat out denying it when kids told me, telling me hes not over me so can't even think about dating etc. Luckily I know hes a liar so it didn't come as a shock. Good luck to the woman he fools.
@Nelly10 arrgh yes it certainly would be cheaper and easier to invent a time machine! There is zero point in marriage imo. Just expensive.
@fireflies hopefully you are feeling better now? Remember the relief and also that this season will pass. You are remembering the highs, not him. Bigger things are coming for you

Same here. No huge updates other than I am feeling a bit better and am looking forward to spring/summer.
I went on Bumble for 48hrs, met a lovely man but also decided it wasn't for me at the moment and I couldn't be bothered to keep up the texting etc. I'm going to spend this year self healing and thinking only of me X

Same @bethatgirl.. a few of us on this group have done that! Downloaded and got rid pronto! 😆 which makes me feel better that its normal. A year of me, healing and self growth😊 I start a hanging from a hoop dance class next week haha so wish me luck! I have like 3 inch legs. Roll on summer ☀️

My SIL wants me to sign up for OLD, I’m only 5 months out though ? She says I need some fun! But not sure if I’m quite ready yet.
Im already training 5 times a week it’s helping massively.

Hello everyone hugs to all, thrilled ex is saying about divorce now and we’re using online company so hopefully by Christmas I’ll be divorced. Lost weight brought new jeans a size 2 they fit perfect so my not diet but way of living is working. 9 days time I see Mathew in to kill a mockingbird so thrilled.

Love the hanging from a hoop class idea!
I go to the gym a few times a week and that helps.
I'm starting to feel a bit better about being home alone too!

Sorry size 20.

Good to hear everyone’s updates.

I am the same with OLD but think I am up for a bit of no strings fun 🤩

Its getting easier to spend time alone when kids are with ex. They seem to gravitate here when they are meant to be with him a lot of the time- which says it all really.

I have filed for divorce and am looking forward to being free of ex.

Have lost 3 stone in the last year and am enjoying swimming and couch to 5k. Feel much move myself than I have done in years and do no miss ex in the slightest. Overriding feeling is one of relief and calm. The first few months were super hard but I am 4 mo this in now and things feel more calm and normal. Still got to sort out the finances. Which is tough and anxiety inducing- but I think I will be ok and so will the DC, which is my main focus.

Sometimes it’s tough to see the wood for the trees but it sounds like many of us are finding a new normal and a new sense of self and being.

All these updates are lovely to read! New hobbies and a sense of freedom.

I am now in my new house. Lots to do but relieved to be in. Never want to move again! Enjoying now being able to do things how I like, pick the things I want, which was not the case before when it always seemed to be me who ended up comprising as my ex was so pushy.

Thought I would also add my update, husband gone just over 2 weeks, finding finances difficult with the zero contract hours, but managing just about. I don't miss hearing him shouting at me or the cats, but I do miss lots of things about him from when he was in love with me. Minimal contact regarding post and keeping it civilised. Not crying as much, but still feeling shocked that he did this and just walked away leaving me with no real closure. The stress of the last 3 months has caught up making me feel tired and run down, but I am eating again and going to bed early and cuddling up with the cats.

Glad you have posted @butterflyandbees . I get the shock. My ex adored me and then he didn’t. My main feeling was shock

That shock is horrible. I've been feeling it a bit the last two days again! And have felt low today for some reason. I think reality that he's never coming back might be setting in.
Got to try and remain upbeat!!

Hi ladies...happy mothers day 💐 hope its been a good one ♥️ how are you all?
Same here, still on diet so not doing much, ex still sniffing round etc.. getting house valued on tuesday to see if I can buy him out and then filing for divorce end of the month. Im still excited for the summer and going on dates 😊 just working on me atm. Literally nothing new to report. Its definitely a journey and I don't want him back, feel more and more that every day. Hope you're all ok xx

Hi, happy mother's day. Same old same old here. He's dragging his heels and I'm no further forward as he won't provide any information or get house valued. He has kids this weekend but I saw them for a few hours which was lovely. Even though he sent them to me knackered and high on sugar 🙄 I'm pretty tired of it all but I'm feeling more positive a lot of the time. Looking forward to spring and hoping it brings some positivity x

Hi everyone happy Mother’s Day to you mums and hugs for all of us. Well I had my trip to London best weekend ever I met Mathew Modine twice before the show and after. Loads of amazing photos. Loved the play. Loads of hugs of Mathew and kisses. Cake as well for all my friends here. Photos of that, I’ll be living off this weekend forever. Divorce will start in April I think when cost of living payment comes in. By Christmas hope to be divorced. Got a bad back though nowhere near as bad as last year but trying to keep it that way as well.

No real progress with me. ExH briefly agreed to go to mediation but changed his mind again and still wants us to reconcile, even though I've made it clear that I'm not interested.
I'm finding counselling helpful, it makes me feel calmer about the uncertainty and talking about the last few years of the marriage makes me sure that ending it was the sensible thing to do.
I bought a cute little ring to replace my wedding ring. I need to start making plans to socialise more so that's next on my list.

Happy Mothers Day all for yesterday.
Not a lot to report here really other than we are getting on a bit better lately.
I'm feeling more and more positive and looking forward to the summer on my own!
Just doing me at the moment ☺️

Great to hear everyone is surviving

I turned a corner emotionally 7-8 weeks ago. The month of January was awful and I got through it with amazing friends, working out, counselling and walking.

I got out there a bit and started having fun with friends and that gave me my mojo back and led to me joining bumble. Within 7 days I matched with an amazing guy. All new and exciting but the similarities of our situation is insane, as are our interests. He literally takes my breath away talking to him. Being with him is easy and we make each other laugh, a lot. Fallen a bit hard but perhaps that was because the first time we met, he didn’t leave my house for 36 hours 😬🤭 almost like 8 dates in one weekend 😂 I’m happy in myself and just going with it. We both have been dead honest about our feelings from the get go and it feels right so I’m going with it for now but very mindful to slow down (not actually listening to myself!)

Ex is a douchebag. Communication is practically zero which suits me fine. Divorce has been applied for so we’re in that 20 week wait. He’s now officially with the person he (didn’t) leave me for. DC are unhappy with it. That’s been hard to manage their emotions but I’ve maintained the moral high ground. However I stopped updating him several weeks ago about their feelings as essentially I was helping him be a better dad and that’s not my responsibility (I was told this very early on but didn’t listen!). The saying “it’ll all come out in the wash” is what I’m standing by. DC will figure it out and join the dots, and he’ll deal with the consequences of telling lies instead of the truth. Silver lining is that it’s brought DC and I closer together.

I’m holding less anger, it’s still there but more exasperation at his behaviours and coldness toward me. Counselling has been amazing because despite being pretty self aware anyway, I’ve come to the very accurate realisation that I settled for mediocre many years ago. My expectations now are so much higher in myself and my next partner. It’s a shame as I’ve essentially ripped apart my entire 15+ year relationship and whilst he did have an emotional affair, I get why he was unhappy. Someone showed him something I wasn’t giving him but he will always fail to see the reasons why I didn’t as he was too lazy and emotionless to make the effort for me.

Mines beginning to stall about the divorce not to worry I’ll get a copy of the marriage certificate and it myself.

Ahh that's amazing @Emptyinsidetothecore just think where we were 4 months ago!! I'm glad you are happy. I'm looking forward to meeting someone new, I don't want a serious relationship but also want to be single and enjoy not thinking about another man for a while. I'll go back on Bumble in a few months or so I think.

@EmptyInsidetothecore sounds like things are looking up for you! I'm delighted 😁 it's give us all hope for the future! I'm three months into being in our new forever home and exH is being a complete disaster - it's just keeps coming.. I've taken on a bigger role at work and I'm focusing on the positives in life juggling it all. I'm petrified of the next step which is divorce and that's going to be a whole world of pain and massive financial stress. I'm now seeing a therapist as my mind seems to go round and round in circle ms with everything that's happened, the reoccurring wild dreams are back again(did they ever go) .. amusing story - the big burly man who moved all my stuff from storage is very much my new found friend. Messaging often, making me smile a bit. I have no real intentions of having another relationship but it's nice to be liked