Anyone finding their feet after marriage ended?

[Chocolatepencil]

Hello, just thought I’d see if anyone is still relatively new in finding their feet after their marriage ended?

The separation from him was fairly easy to deal with as it had got toxic but the breakdown of my family unit is something I’ve struggled with - although getting there - and looking forward to Christmas!

Any one care to join a thread about it? ☕

I've started counselling. ExH was really putting the pressure on to meet up and discuss getting back together. He's drinking again, he says he's totally in control of it now but I don't believe it can last. Him contacting me so much was wrecking my head so I thought it's time to talk to somebody neutral about the breakup. I need the strength to ignore him and get on with my own life.

@bethatgirl I am the same as you. I just need sex not a relationship. Never ever did I think I’d say that, genuinely low libido most of my 15+ year relationship, and now every man I find attractive just does something inside me 😳😳 says something about my ex really.

Good for you @FootDown2022!

@Emptyinsidetothecore I'm sure we will find a bit of fun, and I properly went on Bumble last night 🙈 so will see what that brings. Talking to someone else definitely takes your mind off things!

I am not feeling anything regarding lack of sexual contact, but already struggling with the loneliness and feelings of disconnection from life, just generally isolated. He goes on Wednesday and is speaking to me less and less. Having zero contract work hours means I don't know if I am working or not and it is harder to make plans. The house is a total mess with all his stuff in boxes all over the place, and that makes me anxious. I have been doing ok on the practical side, but emotionally I am a mess, just watching tv and going to bed earlier and earlier. Just finished reading "sleeping with a psychopath" by Carolyn Woods and after her experiences, it has made me scared to think of dating, but also not wanting to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm really pleased that some of you are enjoying flirting and feeling sexy again, it's great to know there is still life after all the crap we have dealt with.

@butterflyandbees your sadness shows. This is the worst of it. The eye of the storm. Calmer days ahead

I'm loving single life again - have no intention of getting embroiled in another relationship, and I don't miss him in the slightest. Why would I miss the gaslighting, the fights the criticism and scornful looks, the put-downs and lies?

I grieved the loss of him -or should I say the illusion of him; the relationship I should have had but did not - many moons ago and was just hanging in there for the kids.

The hardest part is the sorrow of the children and the finances are excruciatingly difficult. He lied and got loads in court and I'm left with in my eyes an unequal share but even though I lie awake at night worried about money, thet tonnes better than the torment of living with the enemy.

@butterflyandbees I think that once he leaves, only then can you start to feel better. You will feel absolutely hideous when it happens, but I promise it won't last forever. I never in a million years thought I'd feel happy flirting, this one colleague swooped straight in on my newly single status and I wasn't interested at first but it made me feel good about myself. I am not interested in any kind of relationship though and won't be for the foreseeable. I hope it all goes well on Weds and will be thinking of you X

@butterflyandbees sending hugs your way! Focus on the future, better days are coming. It's bloody awful to start out all over again but remind yourself often why it's happening. Every time I get a pang of doubt 'have I done the right thing' I read over some of the journal entries I've made and it soon knocks me back into reality. Actually writing my feeling down has been a huge help, stuff I just couldn't say out loud in words on a screen have really helped me. Maybe give that a try, much love x

Thank you all for being so supportive and kind, today has just been a struggle working in a shop, putting on a happy face and then crying buckets at the end of the day. I got home and when he saw I had been crying went into his office and shut the door. It is hard because I thought we had a good marriage, I thought we always supported each other no matter what. The panic attacks and nightmares are adding to the emotional feelings of being overwhelmed and not coping. I find old griefs coming up, my miscarriage in our early days together, he didn't want children but was supportive of me at the time. It feels like every hurt has reopened itself and won't heal over. I feel old and tired for a new life alone with no family, but the old life has been taken so there is no choice but to move forward. I have 3 cats, so already I am that cliché.😿

I’m loosing the will. House has been sold for two months now, but it feels like the buyers keep messing us around. There’s no chain. We were told it would be a quick sale. They’ve already negotiated the house at a reduced rate but now they appear to want more off :(

I just want to move on with my life. I’d like a confirmed date for when this will happen. I know two months is nothing. I know
its usually 3 months and that, that’s a good time frame for a sale.. I know I'm being a bit unreasonable actually. Sorry venting.

Just fed up of waiting. We are amicable but it’s hard living in the same house.

Hi @Teaandtoast3 sounds really frustrating. People can be very greedy!
It's so hard living in limbo and waiting to be able to move forward. It will come. Hold on xx

I offered my husband to stay and we could live separate lives but still support each other, but he didn't want to do that. It sounds like you are very ready to move on and I wish I could find the same strength. My husband is leaving tomorrow and I have face the fact that I have lost the one person I thought truly loved me as much as I loved them. I hope your house sale goes through quickly, have you found something that you would like to buy.

I’m really sorry @butterflyandbees that sounds more difficult 😞 and yes I have.

Thank you @NotReallySure i appreciate it

The limbo is really hard @Teaandtoast3 . I hope it speeds up! I just asked my ex to move to the basement as i need my own space to start healing. We don’t sleep in the same bed but fudge it for the kids. So if he properly moved to the basement that means we are telling them sooner than planned. I still can’t get a mortgage until approx this time next year.

@butterflyandbees this man has hurt you so badly. I suspect that him going is what you need to start being able to process it. So it will be horrendous but it is also the beginning of getting over him. for getting through today.

@butterflyandbees how are you. Just seen your post. Did he leave yesterday? It will be like he died and you will be in grief💐💐💐

I'm still the same as I was last week. Just bored. Mainly when kids go their dads 3 times a week. At first I loved the break but now its quiet and boring. He still tries to come over a lot with daft reasons to do so but its always met with him waiting at the door. Still can't believe he wanted me to be his girlfriend whilst he left and got a house. He thought I was so whipped ha. I'm just working towards healing for the summer and making some single friends. I hope you're all well ❤️ I love reading all your updates😊

Do any of you have any advice on helping the dcs deal with the divorce. They are 12 & 8 I thought they were coping ok ish however the last week has proved they are not. They do see their dad, I kicked him out 5 months ago when I found out about multiple affairs. He’s never been hands on but it’s heartbreaking being strong mum when my 8 y o is breaking her heart over him not being in the house. I guess this is just part & parcel of it all?

@Nelly10 mine are a bit younger but I'm trying to always be positive about their dad (difficult!) And not bad mouth him (not that he affords me the same!). Also facilitating contact with the other parent when they're not around, video calling etc. It's hard, and a long process for everyone. So hard to see your kids struggling

I’m doing great everyone hugs to all of you I know I don’t post much but problems are very small compared to yours. Ex is calling less now hopefully his budgeting is getting better.

Thanks everyone for the replies and welcome up thread. I am still really struggling. My son is with his dad until tomorrow. I hardly leave the house when my son is away, just work alone at home then zone out in the evenings. Friday nights feel so lonely as there isn't anyone to share the end of the week feeling with. I'm looking a counsellor to help me through these times, I had a counsellor leading up to leaving the marriage. I realise now I may have been too reliant on the counsellor who was very much LTB. My heart breaks for my son everyday. Last year I felt hopeful and optimistic for a new life, in recent weeks I'm feeling so terribly lonely and beside myself, even finding myself wishing to turn the clock back and not walk away from the marriage.

Sorry for the depressing post. How is every one coping?

Not great here either @Springtimesoon really struggling not having my kids with me. It's just so hard. I hope you're ok, things hopefully will improve, there will be a way forward x

@Springtimesoon another one here feeling lonely and bored when the kids go x3 nights a week. I think we just have to adjust and fill our time up when we are ready. It definitely makes me appreciate them more when they are here, I am a disney mum it would seem. I have more patience too. I think its a normal phase we are in and we will move through it and be ok. Sending hugs🫂

Hugs everyone to everyone struggling today.

Lots of love to everyone struggling.

I don’t know why but I seem to be ok on the nights I’m alone. It’s quite nice to be able to sleep through as my kids wake up a lot.

Something I did find hard this week was that my little boy was really excited to be picked up by his dad and wanted to play with him and not me. I felt a bit unwanted.

💐 for all