Anyone finding their feet after marriage ended?

[Chocolatepencil]

Hello, just thought I’d see if anyone is still relatively new in finding their feet after their marriage ended?

The separation from him was fairly easy to deal with as it had got toxic but the breakdown of my family unit is something I’ve struggled with - although getting there - and looking forward to Christmas!

Any one care to join a thread about it? ☕

@Always4Brenner I am SingingSantaChristmas under a new name, I'll 'fess up. 🤣 And I just want to say again that you are absolutely amazing. 💙

I had no idea you'd been through so much, and yet you still did something so, so kind for me and my daughter. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

Oh bless you I was delighted I could help it made my Christmas too, god blessed me this Christmas I had the best one for years and my friend here brought me a signed photo of Mathew Modine I was thrilled. I still think of that thread your thankyou present is fabulous thank you from my heart❤️❤️❤️❤️

Yes ive been suicidal over this business being blackmailed as well I’ve survived. Done it emotionally from 15 years old.

@Always4Brenner it's wonderful that you've broken free now. You are clearly very strong to survive all of that.

@Always4Brenner she would not have the santa packed away with the other Christmas decs btw, she takes him to bed every night. 🥰🥰

Aw bless her so happy I could help.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/4695758-help-please-i-need-a-miracle

So everyone can see the awesomeness of @Always4Brenner 💙💙💙🧑🏻‍🎄

I had a bit of a break though at work tonight with my business! I’m looking forward to having more time to sort it out rather than running around after my ex! My business has suffered massively and I always put it on the back burner on the list of priorities!

Still in the same house but very hopeful the sale will go through soon. I’m very much looking forward to this next year and being the captain of my own ship!

The only thing I worry about is wether he keeps up with 50/50 with the kids. I do hope so!

Sending positive vibes to you all. We all need to remember that we are worth so much more!

Yes us soppy two! 🤣 I'm glad it made others happy, too. @Always4Brenner made my daughter's Christmas. I will be grateful forever, her face when she opened her new singing santa 🥰🥰🥰

Definitely get it cut off. It's symbolic. A fresh start. You will feel so free once it's done. 💪

Totally agree with @limerentidiot , when you are finally away from him and have your own space life will start to look much more positive. Freedom beckons!

The end of a relationship is a grief. A huge one. It's ok to feel this, you shouldn't feel you have to hude itor bury it. It's ok to cry. It's ok to feel this way and you need to let yourself "be" with this feeling and no push it away. Until you don't feel like that anymore, and it starts to become something else, a different feeling. Probably anger first, and then "fuck you!", and then, a different world will start to open up. But don't push these feelings away. Feel them, process them. You're allowed to feel devastated and sad. You don't have to pretend you are ok. Give yourself the space to feel your feelings so you can then recover and move on, when you are ready.

Feel them, process them. You're allowed to feel devastated and sad. You don't have to pretend you are ok. Give yourself the space to feel your feelings so you can then recover and move on, when you are ready.

Such good advice. Pressing those feelings down just means they’ll resurface at a time you least expect them to, when you’ve moved on and life feels ok. Give yourself the gift of grieving now so you can move into your new life with a clean heart and clear mind.

@FreshStartNewLife @Jellycatspyjamas that's exactly right, you've summed it up perfectly. I was in such a whirlwind of getting out and getting set up in my own place that it's all hit me like a train after new year. It's such a long process of grief and emotion, and so much guilt. Absolutely just have to ride out the storm and feel those feelings to get to the sunshine.

I haven't worn my rings since I got pregnant with the twins - maybe subconsciously I knew already back then

Todays job is to to chase ex for his final bit of info to complete the D81 form. Bank refused to let me remortgage to buy him out (even though I earn twice what I did when we bought the house!) but at the moment he is agreeing to wait a couple of years for his money (shame or embarrassment maybe?). Means I can't cut ties with him financially yet which would have felt cathartic and he'll have to go into a shared house (or get a better paid job)

He'll be popping over for his one hour performance of worlds greatest father tomorrow 🤢

Good morning everyone bless you for your words of praise as I said at the time it was nothing in the scheme of things I was so glad I could help. I’m relying 0n my faith at the moment we have a resident here who basically loves to pull down women make inappropriate comments about people getting together. Now I can take a joke but yes one of these who never lets up. He calls me loud I replied with ‘kettle calling black’ he soon went quiet doesn’t like women back chatting so basically a viper I’m feeling for his wife to be I really am. They get married soon.

Morning all

Had a hell of a week and it’s only Tuesday 🤯🥺 my STBEH has decided that the word amiable doesn’t exist. He’s either paranoid/delusional or he’s a really evil and mean person. Neither outcome is good for me. Thankfully, I have an amazing group of extremely intelligent friends and I am not thick twat like he is either. Have gone back to my solicitor (haven’t needed her other than the initial meeting) but he has a game plan and I need to be prepared. Sad turn of events. In the meantime, I’m back at work, senior job, stressful and trying to parent as though I’m not about to have a meltdown every 5 minutes. Thankfully the DC are doing fab, so that’s my silver lining. Despite the chaos between us, they actually don’t have a clue and school/pastural care have said they’ve adjusted really well to the changes.

Wankbadger he is. Please call him names at your disposal.

Cockweasel works quite well for me.

Its hugely shocking when someone you have been with for so long treats you in such a horrible way. IME it’s the only way they can detatch from what they have done and the way they have behaved. They project their insecurities onto you to justify their own behaviour. It’s a defense strategy. Nothing you can do to change them. Sounds like you are doing the right thing, taking support from good friends and taking legal advice. Protect yourself. He has thought of himself the whole way through this and his actions are totally in his self interest- you need to focus on you and your interests and your DC’s. It’s ok to take a moment, afternoon, day, however long you need… at work too- it’s impossible to deal with this level of stress and not need a bit of time out, or you will burn out. @EmptyInsidetothecore you’ve got this, it may not feel like it, but you do.

I've had my stbx letting himself in the house when picking up kids (kids are old enough to walk out to the car), make himself coffee etc, then had him come in my office (he works in separate part of the building) and sit in a chair opposite me for a chat, I asked him to put it in email then emailed him asking him to email essential stuff only and keep physical distance between us. Its because of that Christmas week he now thinks that was his set up, cake and eat it. Be single with a wife as and when needed.. he can float. Other than that been ok but its impossible to heal and move on when hes constantly about.
@EmptyInsidetothecore sorry to hear about your nobhead ex, not much longer hopefully and you will be free from him. At least you have an amazing life and support system ❤️

Thanks @threeandmeandthedog and @ThePredictableScript
Just feeling low about it all. I never wanted to not be amicable and I'm maintained the high ground for so long. He hasn't and he's shown his true colours.

STBEXH has been awful to me, especially in the run up to Christmas. I asked to speak with him, told him this wasn’t me being critical or telling him what to and basically said something along the lines of..”I am finding it very difficult to be amicable as to me it feels like you are directing a lot of hostility towards me. I understand this is a stressful time, this is true for both of us and our children. I want to put them first. This hostility makes me feel anxious and stressed. Can we either keep interactions amicable, or minimize our interactions to set times when we need to discuss DC arrangement or communicate only through mediation/ lawyers.”
I made it about me and my feelings and didn’t direct any blame etc (Classic counseling move.. ‘When ….. it makes me feel…’). It worked. Think about the boundaries you want and put them in place, with the help of a lawyer if needs be.

I have (mostly) Mai rained the high ground as he has spun out and reverted to his true arsehole self. It has been worth the effort and I feel much better in myself for not being sucked into his drama. It’s bloody hard work though and dealing with this wanker behaviour is very disappointing.

I agree, keep calm, don't respond and take the high road, but it's so bloody hard. I never set out to not be amicable either, but he's going to be worse off as I'll just have to let the lawyer sort everything at this rate. Anyone else's ex also dragging their heels with proceedings?

Hope you're all ok.

I had a thoroughly shit week last week but am feeling better again this week. Such a rollercoaster of emotions!

It's so tough trying to deal with the person you loved the most, who should have been looking after you, loving you, can then be so cold and nasty. I have exactly the same and it's the hardest thing ever!

Stay strong 💪🏼. We're all doing better than we think, I'm sure X