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Original poster

Is this a compliment? *[content warning: concerns sexual abuse]

528 replies

Shell563 · 05/10/2022 01:16

Would you see it as a compliment if a partner said he couldn't stop himself when you were having sex?

OP posts:
Delilahonabike · 05/10/2022 01:19

Absolutely not, sounds like an excuse to ignore your boundaries to me and there is no excuse. Do you want to tell us what's happened OP?

LimpBiskit · 05/10/2022 01:25

Stop himself doing what?

Rayn22 · 05/10/2022 01:28

Thanks

Wowzers12 · 05/10/2022 01:33

LimpBiskit · 05/10/2022 01:25

Stop himself doing what?

Think this is key to your question lol

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/10/2022 01:39

No.

And any man who does something sexual you have asked him to stop is a rapist.

Spartak · 05/10/2022 01:46

Depends on the context.

For example stopping himself from ejaculating during consensual sex, or pissing all over my face because he has a golden shower fetish would receive different responses from me.

Wowzers12 · 05/10/2022 01:48

Spartak · 05/10/2022 01:46

Depends on the context.

For example stopping himself from ejaculating during consensual sex, or pissing all over my face because he has a golden shower fetish would receive different responses from me.

😂

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 05/10/2022 01:49

Couldn't stop having sex (rapey)?
Or
Couldn't stop himself coming?
If the latter, er, no not really. Not a compliment or an insult. Maybe it's been a while since he last came. Or maybe he suffers from premature ejaculation. Or maybe you've been banging like barn doors in a gale for an hour and it's about bloody time.

It sounds like something a 15 year old boy says.

Disneydatknee88 · 05/10/2022 01:54

Sounds like an excuse for cuming too early.

Original poster
Shell563 · 05/10/2022 02:12

If your sexual partner knew that you didn't want to take part in a particular sex act, or even have sex at all & continued anyway would you be complimented?

I have many issues in this area due to previous abuse, I don't feel good about it but he says I'm confusing things.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shell563 · 05/10/2022 02:13

He didn't hold me down or do anything really horrific or beat me or anything.

OP posts:
bringincrazyback · 05/10/2022 02:18

Shell563 · 05/10/2022 02:12

If your sexual partner knew that you didn't want to take part in a particular sex act, or even have sex at all & continued anyway would you be complimented?

I have many issues in this area due to previous abuse, I don't feel good about it but he says I'm confusing things.

This is rape and he's gaslighting you into the bargain. I'm so sorry OP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/10/2022 02:18

If your sexual partner knew that you didn't want to take part in a particular sex act, or even have sex at all & continued anyway would you be complimented?

No. He's sexually abusive. I'm so sorry.

bringincrazyback · 05/10/2022 02:20

Shell563 · 05/10/2022 02:13

He didn't hold me down or do anything really horrific or beat me or anything.

I should have added this to my previous message: it's still rape even if he's never done any of those things.

JustKittenAround · 05/10/2022 02:22

Shell563 · 05/10/2022 02:12

If your sexual partner knew that you didn't want to take part in a particular sex act, or even have sex at all & continued anyway would you be complimented?

I have many issues in this area due to previous abuse, I don't feel good about it but he says I'm confusing things.

No.

A compliment is a man who is into me and loves to do the things that make me feel good.

anything else is a no go.

raise the bar.

Original poster
Shell563 · 05/10/2022 02:24

He said he just gets ""caught up in the moment "

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/10/2022 02:25

Shell563 · 05/10/2022 02:24

He said he just gets ""caught up in the moment "

What do you believe? If you allow yourself to be honest about it.

Original poster
Shell563 · 05/10/2022 02:26

JustKittenAround · 05/10/2022 02:22

No.

A compliment is a man who is into me and loves to do the things that make me feel good.

anything else is a no go.

raise the bar.

Show quote history

But is there no logic, no logic at ALL in a man just wanting me so much that he just couldn't stop?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shell563 · 05/10/2022 02:29

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/10/2022 02:25

What do you believe? If you allow yourself to be honest about it.

Show quote history

I feel like my skin is crawling & I know this feeling & I don't like it

It feels like I've fallen back in time to a horrible place I don't want to go again

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/10/2022 02:31

You know what it is. What can you do? Leave. Are you safe now?

Delilahonabike · 05/10/2022 02:35

Shell563 · 05/10/2022 02:26

But is there no logic, no logic at ALL in a man just wanting me so much that he just couldn't stop?

Show quote history

No OP, no logic at all, just self-interested justifications for something that can't be justified. I'm so sorry he's put you back in that place, please get yourself somewhere safe and never let him near enough to do that to you again Flowers

Original poster
Shell563 · 05/10/2022 02:42

I can't just go, it's complicated & outing, but I can't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shell563 · 05/10/2022 03:41

I'm not sure I'm being very fair to him here. It wasn't like he has just pinned me to the bed or anything, just a bit aggressive in the moment.

I think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill like last time.

Please don't worry about me

OP posts:
Delilahonabike · 05/10/2022 03:44

Can we help you work out a plan at least OP? I understand it's not as simple as 'just go', we're here to support you in whatever way we can. Could you maybe contact rape crisis or similar when you can get some space from him?

Honeyroar · 05/10/2022 03:47

You sound like you’re making excuses for him because it’s easier than dealing with what happened. In your previous comments you knew it wasn’t right. (this is said kindly, not judgementally. You’ve obviously had something awful happen to you previously and it must be hard to have to face up to something else).