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Original poster

How can I resolve this issue about the condom

437 replies

CK0513 · 09/09/2022 02:18

How can I resolve this issue about the condom?

Silly situation where the only thing I been looking for is honesty.

23 years ago, I started dating my now wife, we love each other in a big way, at that moment one day by mistake I ended up snooping into drawers, looking for a pen and I found a box of condoms where one of them was missing, then I found a Diary where she wrote this. “Neither one of us had a condom so we need to wait” , we been thru therapist on and off for 23 years where she's trying to make me understand that she never used that condom with that guy, she wrote as a fantasies that people write in diaries, as a men I truly don't understand how a person write things that are not true, Is that true that women write fantasies in diaries? she's been suffering so much because this, me on top of her on this issue asking for honesty, and always the same story of her saying that she grabbed the condom and fill it with water by curiosity. It’s been 23 years and she can't take it anymore, she's tired and after lots of tears and pain , we are again in therapy, she's still fighting for me insisting that she's not lying, I need to stop on this but all I’m looking is honesty, she's the most honest person I know and I know I’m about to loose her. Please serious comments on this issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:41

puddleduckle · 09/09/2022 03:37

Tbh you have two options. Believe her, put it to bed and move on or; continue to have your “doubts” and leave/let her leave. No one here can tel you if she’s being honest, or if what she wrote was a fantasy or not. This really isn’t something some strangers on the internet can help you with I’m afraid. You keep saying it’s a matter of trust, but you clearly don’t trust her to have been questioning her for over two decades. You appear to believe that she has done something and if that is the case and you can’t get over it, I’d say you probably need to walk away to save yourself and your wife and further heart ache. HTH.

Thanks for your honest answer

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 09/09/2022 03:41

If she said yes it’s true then what, will you be happy? If she hasn’t cheated and it’s a fantasy then the marriage is over because you’ve harassed her over this for 23 years. If it is true and she has cheated then the marriage is over because you couldn’t forgive her and move on after 23 years. The marriage is over and the relationship is ruined whatever the truth is so why does it matter anymore?

Brandnewwoman · 09/09/2022 03:41

For goodness sake !
Let it go or let her go -you need to grow up .

Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:42

Summerfun54321 · 09/09/2022 03:41

If she said yes it’s true then what, will you be happy? If she hasn’t cheated and it’s a fantasy then the marriage is over because you’ve harassed her over this for 23 years. If it is true and she has cheated then the marriage is over because you couldn’t forgive her and move on after 23 years. The marriage is over and the relationship is ruined whatever the truth is so why does it matter anymore?

We were dating by then

OP posts:
Travellingwomble · 09/09/2022 03:44

So you've loved her for what I assume is happily for 23 years...even if she did cheat you cant see she has stayed with you all this time and never cheated again. Honestly I think I would 'admit it ' (even if not true) after 23 bloody years of you basically harassing her, just to shut you up!
I'm speaking as someone who has been cheated on and stayed with the cheater at some point rightly or wrongly if you want to stay in the relationship you have to accept there are some things you'll maybe never know and that are maybe best not known.
You are torturing yourself and her do her a favour and divorce her she will be much happier without you.

SlightlySummerStill · 09/09/2022 03:45

I feel like you’re an idiot, rude I know, and that woman’s a saint.
i hope she leaves you
If this was even true, which it isn’t

Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:52

SlightlySummerStill · 09/09/2022 03:45

I feel like you’re an idiot, rude I know, and that woman’s a saint.
i hope she leaves you
If this was even true, which it isn’t

Thanks for your honest answer

OP posts:
Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:52

Travellingwomble · 09/09/2022 03:44

So you've loved her for what I assume is happily for 23 years...even if she did cheat you cant see she has stayed with you all this time and never cheated again. Honestly I think I would 'admit it ' (even if not true) after 23 bloody years of you basically harassing her, just to shut you up!
I'm speaking as someone who has been cheated on and stayed with the cheater at some point rightly or wrongly if you want to stay in the relationship you have to accept there are some things you'll maybe never know and that are maybe best not known.
You are torturing yourself and her do her a favour and divorce her she will be much happier without you.

Thanks for your honest answer

OP posts:
Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:53

CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:52

Thanks for your honest answer

Show quote history

everything happens before we started dating. My only issue here is trust

OP posts:
MyMumSaysALot · 09/09/2022 03:57

CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:53

everything happens before we started dating. My only issue here is trust

Show quote history

So you love her intensely but you haven’t trusted her for 23 years.

That makes absolutely NO SENSE.

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 09/09/2022 03:58

If you don't trust her after 23 years it's time to end the marriage. No point torturing yourself and her for another 23. You've tried every tactic to manipulate and control her get her to say whatever it is you want to hear and it hasn't worked. Give up.

k1233 · 09/09/2022 04:00

It seems the only answer you want to accept is your interpretation of events is correct. She has told you for 23years that it isn't. It is so inconsequential in the scheme of things. I wouldn't have lasted 23years being constantly accused of something I didn't do. So I'm with her, better to leave you to your obsession over a few words in a diary then to be badgered till the end of her days. You can't accept she is telling the truth, you don't want to accept she's telling the truth. What's behind that?

hazeleyednerd · 09/09/2022 04:04

CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:28

23 years sending me to Therapist to believe her, and I'm still have my doubts

Show quote history

If you still doubt her after talking about this for 23 years, then just give the woman the peace she deserves and end it.

She has to be a saint to continue to discuss this with you for that long.

Why are you so obsessed? Let it go.

Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 04:07

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 09/09/2022 03:58

If you don't trust her after 23 years it's time to end the marriage. No point torturing yourself and her for another 23. You've tried every tactic to manipulate and control her get her to say whatever it is you want to hear and it hasn't worked. Give up.

Thanks for your honesty, I appreciate every single one of you in helping me

OP posts:
Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 04:08

k1233 · 09/09/2022 04:00

It seems the only answer you want to accept is your interpretation of events is correct. She has told you for 23years that it isn't. It is so inconsequential in the scheme of things. I wouldn't have lasted 23years being constantly accused of something I didn't do. So I'm with her, better to leave you to your obsession over a few words in a diary then to be badgered till the end of her days. You can't accept she is telling the truth, you don't want to accept she's telling the truth. What's behind that?

You are right! Thanks!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 04:09

hazeleyednerd · 09/09/2022 04:04

If you still doubt her after talking about this for 23 years, then just give the woman the peace she deserves and end it.

She has to be a saint to continue to discuss this with you for that long.

Why are you so obsessed? Let it go.

Show quote history

Thanks for your comments

OP posts:
Ophanim · 09/09/2022 04:40

Your repetitive answers aren’t weird at all…

Sooverthisnow · 09/09/2022 04:51

Bot

marcopront · 09/09/2022 05:10

So when you snooped and read her diary, that was the first thing you found and you didn't go back and read anything else.
You'd crossed the line by reading one thing, why wouldn't you read back further and see what else she wrote?

You say you want the truth. You don't you want her to say she cheated. She could having been telling the truth for years.

However I think this is the plot for a story.

marcopront · 09/09/2022 05:11

And also why do you think only women lie in writing?

Arewethebadguys · 09/09/2022 05:16

Pixiedust1234 · 09/09/2022 02:34

So you havent trusted her for 23years. You continually question her and been to therapy.

I'm surprised she's lasted this long. Please do the decent thing and let her go. You've punished her enough.

This

Longsight2019 · 09/09/2022 05:20

Get a grip man. Whether she did, or didn’t, stop it. For everyone’s sake. Including ours.

autienotnaughty · 09/09/2022 05:22

It sound like a lie. But you either have to let it go and move on or separate and really that should have been the case when it happened

Thegroaninggurner · 09/09/2022 05:25

I'm not surprised she wants a divorce.

7eleven · 09/09/2022 05:27

Spend less time harassing your wife and educate yourself about punctuation.