How can I resolve this issue about the condom

[CK0513]

How can I resolve this issue about the condom?

Silly situation where the only thing I been looking for is honesty.

23 years ago, I started dating my now wife, we love each other in a big way, at that moment one day by mistake I ended up snooping into drawers, looking for a pen and I found a box of condoms where one of them was missing, then I found a Diary where she wrote this. “Neither one of us had a condom so we need to wait” , we been thru therapist on and off for 23 years where she's trying to make me understand that she never used that condom with that guy, she wrote as a fantasies that people write in diaries, as a men I truly don't understand how a person write things that are not true, Is that true that women write fantasies in diaries? she's been suffering so much because this, me on top of her on this issue asking for honesty, and always the same story of her saying that she grabbed the condom and fill it with water by curiosity. It’s been 23 years and she can't take it anymore, she's tired and after lots of tears and pain , we are again in therapy, she's still fighting for me insisting that she's not lying, I need to stop on this but all I’m looking is honesty, she's the most honest person I know and I know I’m about to loose her. Please serious comments on this issue.

I've only read your posts and Im losing the will to live. How she did 23 years only she knows, but she certainly deserves some peace in later life

You keep saying it is about trust or the truth but the simple fact is you don't trust her.
You are convinced she has lied for 23 years.
As I said before it is not about anything other than you being right.

@SandyY2K if she had sex wit with a man. It happened before OP & his wife got together.

the diary entry predated them dating.

she wasn’t cheating whatever she was doing.

I can’t believe this thread is still going.
If I was your wife I would have divorced you years ago on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.

What am I reading? No relationship could survive 23 years of this.

Jesus this is a serious pathological issue and you need help. So does your wife, she should leave.

Dear God, let your wife go. She’s suffered enough.

You don't care about her truth, you care about yours.
Why did you marry her if you knew she had lied?
You don't love her, you can't hurt someone you love for years.

we were dating at that time, but she always denied that she used it. for 23 years after therapist to convince me, after all this time both of us suffering. keep denying it

Your suspicion of your wife is pathologically paranoid. I hope she divorces you and gets off the carousel of your schitzotypal thinking.

And in that same vein...Unwatching Thread!

Ok, and she says she filled it with water/messed around with it (not that she used it with someone else) .... Well it's possible.

To ask the question again; why did you stay with her and marry her if you believed she was lying about that (and honesty is extremely important to you)?

I don't think it matters anymore.

You don't trust her and you never will.

She's best off out of it

Anyone can hide anything they like from a spouse if it happened before the relationship.
It's none of their business

I don't think you have the first idea of what proper love is

Serious comment as requested by OP
i can't say for all women obviously but I don't think most women write fantasies in their diaries especially in the form if factual events. But then again I have Asperger's and maybe I just don't know women even though I am one.
I don't think you are going to resolve the issue with current approach if you haven't in the past 23 years.
If it was me I'd either decide to accept I'd never know or assume the worst and try to leave it in the past especially if she really is honest and has not done anything like that since, or face the face that she's had enough and you may lose.
it's a tricky situation and even if she lied initially she would be unlikely to change her story as your perception of her as honest would be shattered.
good luck

Well apart from this whole thing being completely insane... 23 years, your poor poor wife!

I would say I bet most young people who buy a box of condoms for the FIRST time would most likely take one out to look at it and work out how it works before they actually used one....

Genuinely, this is one of the most disturbing threads I've ever read.

I really, really hope your wife is allowed to post on this forum too so she can be given support on leaving you. I'm guessing she's not allowed to do much without your say so though.

That poor, poor woman. I actually feel a bit sick.

You should have left her all those years ago. Adult women don’t play with condoms or write fantasies in their diary.

we were dating at that time, but she always denied that she used it. for 23 years after therapist to convince me, after all this time both of us suffering. keep denying it

I don't believe any therapist would convince or try to convince you, because quite simply, they wouldn't know if your wife was telling thd truth or not.

If this is real it's far too late...even if you find a magical therapist. You've ruined the last 23 years for nothing. You can't get that back.

Dear Diary

Not seen hubby for a few days now. New patio’s looking good though..

Op if you have been having therapy for 23 years to deal with your obsessive thoughts and it’s not worked, then nothing that anyone posts on here is going to help you.

blimey this ones still going, feel sorry for you all

The most recent post was nearly two weeks ago.
How does that count as still going?

didnt see that, just came on this tonight and seen notifications for this

Thats what you took away from that reply, ffs