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Original poster

How can I resolve this issue about the condom

437 replies

CK0513 · 09/09/2022 02:18

How can I resolve this issue about the condom?

Silly situation where the only thing I been looking for is honesty.

23 years ago, I started dating my now wife, we love each other in a big way, at that moment one day by mistake I ended up snooping into drawers, looking for a pen and I found a box of condoms where one of them was missing, then I found a Diary where she wrote this. “Neither one of us had a condom so we need to wait” , we been thru therapist on and off for 23 years where she's trying to make me understand that she never used that condom with that guy, she wrote as a fantasies that people write in diaries, as a men I truly don't understand how a person write things that are not true, Is that true that women write fantasies in diaries? she's been suffering so much because this, me on top of her on this issue asking for honesty, and always the same story of her saying that she grabbed the condom and fill it with water by curiosity. It’s been 23 years and she can't take it anymore, she's tired and after lots of tears and pain , we are again in therapy, she's still fighting for me insisting that she's not lying, I need to stop on this but all I’m looking is honesty, she's the most honest person I know and I know I’m about to loose her. Please serious comments on this issue.

OP posts:
youlightupmyday · 09/09/2022 02:50

You're annoying and I would have divorced you too

Grumpusaurus · 09/09/2022 02:50

CK0513 · 09/09/2022 02:49

My only question here, I'm not sure if a men can answer, What's the whole idea of the diary??? to write fantasies???? Im always thought it was to write facts about you life

Her diary and none of your fucking business you controlling fruitloop!

Person18885 · 09/09/2022 02:51

Op have you actually considered that she IS telling the truth? and how the accusation might be affecting her? she will be drained on an incomprehensible emotional level

Person18885 · 09/09/2022 02:53

OP what was the full context of the "neither of us have a condom" was that all that she wrote or was there more?

Grumpusaurus · 09/09/2022 02:53

youlightupmyday · 09/09/2022 02:50

You're annoying and I would have divorced you too

The OP would be a prime candidate for an oubliette...

Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 02:55

the only thing she keep telling me.
After 23 years do you think I'm lying??? don't you think i would it tell you. YES I DID IT and leave alone! But no she's still here because our love.
I don't know what to do to stop doubting! It was 10 years since I didn't have this problem and now this time she say, she can't take it anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 02:57

That was a simple mistake, never thought she could write something like that

OP posts:
TwowaystoUrmston · 09/09/2022 02:59

I think you have to let her go OP, if she hasn't changed her story in 23 years she's not going to change it now and she has no way to prove her innocence so there's really no way to resolve it. You've had over two decades to work through and make peace with it and you haven't been able to, you don't trust her and there's nothing more she can do to earn your trust.

Incidentally, what do you think would happen if she did suddenly confess to cheating after all this time? Could you forgive her? Could you trust her then, knowing she lied to you for 23 years? It strikes me that the thing you've been chasing for so long, the 'honesty' you're looking for, would end your relationship anyway!

Person18885 · 09/09/2022 02:59

Op, do you want her to admit it or do you want her to tell the truth? you said she is the most honest person you know and after 23 years of being accused she still hasnt admitted anything after all the pain and tears, maybe she is telling the truth

Person18885 · 09/09/2022 03:00

TwowaystoUrmston · 09/09/2022 02:59

I think you have to let her go OP, if she hasn't changed her story in 23 years she's not going to change it now and she has no way to prove her innocence so there's really no way to resolve it. You've had over two decades to work through and make peace with it and you haven't been able to, you don't trust her and there's nothing more she can do to earn your trust.

Incidentally, what do you think would happen if she did suddenly confess to cheating after all this time? Could you forgive her? Could you trust her then, knowing she lied to you for 23 years? It strikes me that the thing you've been chasing for so long, the 'honesty' you're looking for, would end your relationship anyway!

i agree with this

Suzi888 · 09/09/2022 03:03

CK0513 · 09/09/2022 02:43

What about what I read??/ Is that true that women write stupid things in diaries that are not true???

Maybe to escape every day life……
Was she a virgin before? Did she fill the condom just to see what happened.

This is what happens when you snoop. I can’t believe this has gone on for years, no wonder she wants a divorce.

Lucyintheskywithrubies · 09/09/2022 03:05

Op is getting a really hard time. In all honesty I wouldn’t believe that story. Unless there were other fantasy entries. You’ve not give much detail.

She’s never going to admit it. So you either forget it or divorce her. Personally I would’ve gone full PI at the time to find out the truth.

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 09/09/2022 03:07

I think this is deeply disturbing actually. You're ruining two lives with this utter shit. I have difficulty believing it's true to be fair. It's really so ludicrous. The poor woman. She must feel completely invaded and haunted by you. Please let this go. Or let her go. Why choose misery when you could choose happiness?

Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:09

she wrote.
neither one of us had a condom so well have to wait until Wednesday, in her defense she always say why I didn't write anything else about that??? and again 23 years on this don't you think that at some point she will say YES!!! I did it now what????

OP posts:
Thegrowlery · 09/09/2022 03:09

Person18885 · 09/09/2022 02:34

@Thegrowlery give the guy a chance, his wife might have cheated on him, i know that would bother me for a while if i didnt think i was getting the truth

@Person18885 For 23 years? I think she already gave him a chance.

Thegrowlery · 09/09/2022 03:11

Why did I fall for this shit 😂 op was looking for a reaction and they got one

Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:20

Thanks for your help anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:27

Person18885 · 09/09/2022 03:00

i agree with this

Show quote history

I would love her more if she comes and say yes I did it, It's a meter of trust! That's all!!!
she have sent me to several therapist to make me believe , but i still have my doubts

OP posts:
Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:28

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 09/09/2022 03:07

I think this is deeply disturbing actually. You're ruining two lives with this utter shit. I have difficulty believing it's true to be fair. It's really so ludicrous. The poor woman. She must feel completely invaded and haunted by you. Please let this go. Or let her go. Why choose misery when you could choose happiness?

23 years sending me to Therapist to believe her, and I'm still have my doubts

OP posts:
Cantstandbullshit · 09/09/2022 03:28

Nice story for the dailymail

OriginalUsername3 · 09/09/2022 03:33

Yes I think she cheated on you 23 years ago. How would you feel if she told you that she had? I think that's the kicker. Honestly it sounds like you've both wasted 23 years of your life and needed to call it quits when this happened.

Original poster
CK0513 · 09/09/2022 03:33

Person18885 · 09/09/2022 03:00

i agree with this

Show quote history

It's a matter of say the truth, That's all!!! I

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 09/09/2022 03:34

She has told you the truth. Now what?

puddleduckle · 09/09/2022 03:37

Tbh you have two options. Believe her, put it to bed and move on or; continue to have your “doubts” and leave/let her leave. No one here can tel you if she’s being honest, or if what she wrote was a fantasy or not. This really isn’t something some strangers on the internet can help you with I’m afraid. You keep saying it’s a matter of trust, but you clearly don’t trust her to have been questioning her for over two decades. You appear to believe that she has done something and if that is the case and you can’t get over it, I’d say you probably need to walk away to save yourself and your wife and further heart ache. HTH.

MyMumSaysALot · 09/09/2022 03:41

CK0513 · 09/09/2022 02:49

My only question here, I'm not sure if a men can answer, What's the whole idea of the diary??? to write fantasies???? Im always thought it was to write facts about you life

To be perfectly honest, if I were your wife or fiancé and you invaded my personal space and betrayed me so flagrantly, there with not be 23 years.
It would barely take me 23 minutes to pack and leave.
You are obsessed about something ridiculous and if you truly loved your wife, you would’ve taken her word that she was telling the truth 23 years ago.
Let it go. Seek intensive therapy and please accept the consequences of your actions.