How can I resolve this issue about the condom

[CK0513]

How can I resolve this issue about the condom?

Silly situation where the only thing I been looking for is honesty.

23 years ago, I started dating my now wife, we love each other in a big way, at that moment one day by mistake I ended up snooping into drawers, looking for a pen and I found a box of condoms where one of them was missing, then I found a Diary where she wrote this. “Neither one of us had a condom so we need to wait” , we been thru therapist on and off for 23 years where she's trying to make me understand that she never used that condom with that guy, she wrote as a fantasies that people write in diaries, as a men I truly don't understand how a person write things that are not true, Is that true that women write fantasies in diaries? she's been suffering so much because this, me on top of her on this issue asking for honesty, and always the same story of her saying that she grabbed the condom and fill it with water by curiosity. It’s been 23 years and she can't take it anymore, she's tired and after lots of tears and pain , we are again in therapy, she's still fighting for me insisting that she's not lying, I need to stop on this but all I’m looking is honesty, she's the most honest person I know and I know I’m about to loose her. Please serious comments on this issue.

The only thoughts I can add to this is that it would be quite unusual to put up with this for 23 years and also keep trying to make you to go to therapy, so I assume she very much loved you - even if she did cheat once, perhaps before she deeply loved you - who knows. Fact is she stuck it out for all this time and she didn’t have to. But she did. So you meant a lot to her. And you have ruined it by keep going on at her. If you can’t accept her story the only option is to leave her not force her to tell you something.

@Menora she didn’t cheat. If she had sex with someone else, it was before her relationship with the OP, he read her diary with entries in it predating their relationship.

and he’s been brow beating her ever since. She should have run far and fast once she realised he was going through her personal things and reading her diary.

even if she did cheat, she then went on to invest 23 miserable years with this guy. Either she’s been punished unfairly or punished enough. Therefore the punishment should end

@Menora

Frazzled was explaining great the diary entry OP has been punishing her for was about sex with someone before she even met OP.

So this was never even about cheating on him which makes it even more bizarre and abusive that he's punishing her for something that happened before they met!

*was explaining that the diary entry...

Ah he said while dating. She’s still been punished enough!

Yeah he looked at it while he was dating, but it was written before they met.

Absolutely bizarre and 100% abusive to have punished her for anything for 20 years (or 20 days!) let alone for this - something she privately wrote about before they even met.

OP is a dangerous man.

I sincerely hope his poor wife HAS buried him under the patio. A couple of years inside for manslaughter, mitigated by ops own words on this thread, will surely be a small price to pay for freedom from this madman.

You’d just started dating then, who cares if she had sex with someone else when she was young stupid and presumably still officially single? You’ve been married since then anyway. Let it go.

You've spent 23 years ruining both your lives. If you didn't trust her then, you should have ended it then.

Given that 23 years later you still don't trust her, you obviously never will. Nothing we say is going to make any difference.

End the relationship, give yourself and your DP a chance to be happy.

FFS why is anyone giving this nutcase the time of day?

@Thepollonator because we're desperately trying to turn this into the longest-standing, most pointless and probably trolling topic ever.

I doubt the OP will be in touch with an update anyway because he's now buried under the new patio

But yeah, come on, let's see if we can max this topic out - 1000 posts before it reaches critical meltdown isn't it? Nearly halfway there. Surely there must be some more people just itching to comment without looking at the date, reading the full thread or noticing the OP hasn't been back for 2 weeks.