Dating Thread 233 - Being Our True Selves

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Checking in
Worsy ,MrEx is my ex boyfriend of 6 years. We broke up but have kept seeing each other . Nice dinners , movies … that sort of stuff . He always tells me he loves me but we smooched and good bye. I know he’s in love and I love him too but then we took a break and now I met MrO and yes I’m getting sexed up big time but I care about both and i really don’t know what to do. MrEx is security also as I’ve been with him so long but Mr O is just amazing in every level and has more in common with my passions
This is so difficult. I can’t see any until next week and perhaps I can think of a plan ? I don’t want any more men obviously. Both of them treat me so lovingly and are awesome gente but WTF??? I don’t know

I think my best option is to revert to just lovely friends withMrEx honestly. I can’t do this. It’s early days and I’m a little scared of how things are developing with MrO. We have a lot of plans of things to do together whereas with MrEx is normally posh dinner and smooch and home. It’s really complicated to keep a balance

God your life sounds exciting! @Mila14

My bad mood has lifted. I think socialising helps a lot. I was in the office but massively prefer working from home. I managed to see a friend whose in a ghosty type situation but with his EXH, so helped exchanging stories. My truck instructor randomly popped up to ask how i am. We are pretty good friends so was nice to hear from him too. But it think the enormity of what MM has done is really sinking in... so much time/headspace i gave to him for nothing. Well i guess (hope) it can only get better as there isnt really a worse-scenario than this.

Checking in

And so it continues, I cant keep up!!

👋

@Mila14 I've been following your story and I'm in a similar situation but a couple of months ahead of you, so I'll let you know how it's going for me. It started to feel wrong for me to have another iron while seeing my Mr H and so I finished it with him and now just have Mr H which is much easier! Mr H has now told me he loves me, it's now very intense. I do worry that it's just lust as we have such an attraction but we do really enjoy each other's company and video call every day too. Good luck!

I think @Mila14 should write a screenplay or book! I'd definitely enjoy the story of their exiting love life.

Thanks for new thread and posting here because I made a brave bold authentic move with Mr Art today & have a carefree attitude to it:

Recorded a voicemail and sent it detailing how I'm observing he's making me think that he's not that interested in me the person due to a lack of curious questions about me and therefore if I'm right and he's just another shaggy fella not seeking his one-true amore he can kiss Date3 meal and the potential back to his for intimate rummaging goodbye!

I'm yet to receive a reply. This is brave as on paper he's everything I ever hoped for in a man...

That is brave @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss - has he seen it? It’s the kind of thing I do. I end up reasoning that even if it’s intense, if they can’t handle the directness then that’s who I am so either way it’s not the wrong thing to do.

@Mila14 i didn’t realise tbh that MrEx had been such a long-standing thing.

I think if you can be rational it sounds like it’s more that he’s telling you he loves you than you saying oh I love him so. My other thought would be that it’s very rare for things to work out with exes so perhaps the reason you can’t quite let him go at this exact moment is that MrO, amazing as he is, is also sort of “9 parts amazing, 1 part complicated/unsure” - ie it’s the slight imperfection in each that is making it hard to let go.

Thanks for the new thread...oh exciting! I can't believe the comment some way up thread about the guy having a wank over your photo, I mean, christ, thats just grim!!

Oh and I love the 8 point plan, I have copied and pasted it and will refer to it often,!

Similar tale here, had an iron get back in touch lets call him Mr Hants... we planned to meet at his tomorrow for tea/cake. Then he messages me, can I stroke your (...) when you come round?

I mean why why why do they do this?
Its like I am coming round to supply you with some real life porn action and all that was on offer was a chat with tea? So h can fuck off to the far side of fuck off ( a lovely MN expression I use too often!)

Yes agreed, am shattered, its day 3 of back to school and no end in sight.

@Naimee87 are you doing the HGV course? Am sorely tempted with this.....

Wow Galette tell me more. How long were you seeing the 2 and how did you decide ??

One hundred percent correct. MrO is amazing but we are just starting and he has not say I love you ( it’s quite early too). But also I need to protect myself from his grief attacks although yesterday he was like a normal guy attending cultural activities and his hands were all over the place ( embarrassing but marvelous). He also grinned like Cheshire Cat non stop . He’s the unknown… MrEx is the well known. Mr Ex is very handsome and sexually super chemistry but MrO is so sexy and a sexual discovery. Right now I’m not sure of anything. I need time

Mr Art has now confirmed he has listened to my brave voicemail pointing out that I've learned late in life that I'm turned off by people who aren't interested in me (or flip side am turned on by those who are) - probs due to having disinterested parents. He's listened to it several times, thanked me for my bravery in sending and had drafted a long textual response which he's now scrapped and would like to discuss by phone or in person on Date3 over dinner. He thinks I'm lush and mention of us/our potential relationship

It's very grown up, sensible and business like so a long way from my comfortable place of diving headlong into passionate short-lived one-sided and experiences with dire lovebomby men.

I shall report back in case there are useful learning points for the hive 🐝 to enjoy.

Wow. This is looking brilliant. Seriously. When are you seeing him??

What a twat. I don’t know why guys do that …seriously. Good riddance

Hi everyone
Just dropping in to say DM me if you'd like to attend the IRL meet late October
Cheers 😊

Hi @BelladiMamma where and when might the IRL meet be please?

Checking in.. once again but absolutely zero to report on irons front… yet here I am like a piece of old furniture on the DATING thread 😂 as ever….
Oh the irony 😅

Wishing everyone love luck and sexing it up on this thread!! 💫💫💫

Well @Mila14 we'll see what he's got to say for himself & then see if his level of curiosity actually increases. As I said in my voice memo it's not a fakable thing. My autistic dad has learnt to ask (crap) questions but he's obviously not interested in the answer as doesn't spark a two-way convo.

I'm expecting to have dinner, chat about my honest feelings and his subsequent 'confronted feelings about us', maybe triage whether we're compatible physically back at his or/and drive away & never see him again.

Who knows but as you say feels far better to say 'errrr it might not be obvious to you but I'm looking for XYZ in a relationship & if you don't bring that with you'll I'll bid you farewell'

Being maximum happy as a singleton and it would have to be an exceptional man to alter that status quo is a great place to be.

@Mila14 a bit different to you there as was only seeing my 2nd iron, Mr B, for a couple of months longer than Mr H. On paper Mr B was a lot more eligible but I was totally drawn to Mr H's personality. I was on a date with Mr B and it just felt wrong and I realised how much I missed Mr H. It helps that we fancy each other so much - it's just amazing, although I do worry about what I'm getting into as seems too soon after 3 months for I love you's??

Different for you as you have a long term relationship with Mr Ex..... I think you'll have to make a decision what to do some time though.

Drop me a DM and I'll let you know. As this is a public Internet forum thingammyjig so always best to stay discreet where possible 😁

Late October, that London innit 🤓

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss Very impressed with the voice note i hope the the 3rd date goes well. @ibelieveinmirrorballs i wish i was more that way i think i’m waaay to afraid to have those difficult conversations but then avoiding them just keeps you in some weird limbo place which is never good. And i suppose it is a giant red flag when you feel you can’t actually talk to
someone about issues that are important to you. Will definitely be taking that into consideration should i ever get back into dating again. @Signoramarella i don’t live in the UK but i’m doing the equivalent for where i live. So i have the basic 18ton license & qualifications, now working on getting the articulated license. MM is a truck driver and for whatever reason i find this the sexiest job a man can have 😂 I was doing all the truck stuff before i met him. He was on the apps, i swiped on a photo of him in his truck and we hit it off, or so i thought. But i do want to change jobs i’m the worst admin anyone has ever had. How this hasn’t come to light yet i will never know. My job is so dull but the pay is amazing and getting to WFH makes being around for DS so easy. But DS is 13 so as soon as i’m freer i’ll be making the change 🤩 Are you thinking of doing it? getting the licenses?
@Mila14 maybe a stupid question but why is MrEx and Ex? Things sound amazing with him? If MrO wasn’t on the scene would he still be MrEx. I’ll be like@ButterflyOfShay and just enjoy reading and should MM ever reappear i’ll give an update.

ButterflyOfShay

don’t say that ! It’s a friendly chat 💬
so what if your not dating right now !

Signoramarella

It’s such a shame when they do that

he should have just kept that idea in his head . It doesn’t turn women on to hear it (unless it is the right context !!)

it’s an own goal for the men that do this