Dating Thread 233 - Being Our True Selves

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Naimee you are really lovely. This idiot doesn’t know what he’s missing. It pains me to accept it but there are ways of communicating if one want to. I’m raging because its a behaviour I can’t understand. If you don’t want to go on with someone LET HIM/HER KNOW so we can all move on.

Agree with the others @FloydPepper I dont even have kids but anyone displaying diva behaviour be it an hour, a week or a year into me knowing them, I’d be pretty much done. And who doesn’t love a busy DILF?? 😍

oh @HowlongWillThisTakeNow Im sorry for you 😞 what was the reason? Try not to be angry it sounded all fine up til now, benefit of the doubt til you know for sure??

Butterfly!!! DILF….😂😂😂😂. To be honest I really can’t date a guy with no kids. Its too much hassle. Women without kids date a lot of dads but they are a lot better at compromise than guys I think.

@Mila14 i know you’re lurking but I wanted to say I 100% support your handling of Mr M’s Casper sh1t. It’s not down to you to check in on him and you just know on a gut level sometimes. You sound like you’re doing fab. What a moron he is.

As for the man and the w@nk comment pre date. What can I say. Thank god the trash took itself out..

@Cloudland ….maybe you are mixing me with someone else? I post about the bloke im dating MrO. But yes I don’t mind his bumble bursting at the seems with messages on our first weekend together and I really really don’t mind him checking other ladies if he feels like 😂😂😂
I agree with you. You kind of know without saying anything when someone is just really really into you. There are no games and he’s always available… anytime really.

@Mila14 oh god sorry! My post was for @Naimee87 😝 I’m an idiot.

i was too engrossed in your multiple dating prowess!

😂😂😂😂…how’s it going for you Cloudland?

@Mila14 I’m on a dating hiatus this month after being ghosted by an ex marine and then having an unsatisfying clinch with my ex - argh! Feeling a lot fresher not being on the usual apps and seeing the same carousel of crap and ‘hi how are you’s. I live in a small town and I only have to queue for a flat white at my local caff and I see someone who likes my photos on hinge.

i have a long-anticipated 2nd date with a charming trainee surgeon (DocJ for future reference) next week. Will need to see if there’s a spark. We went for lunch weeks ago but I was licking my wounds from a disappearing dickhead so I wasn’t fully in the moment! He’s been charming over text and is obviously out saving the world/pulling spoons out of his patients (yes, really!) so his regular contact is quite sweet… we shall see.

thanks @Cloudland and @Mila14 my friend uses raging alot! It does make me laugh. I’m kind of just a bit empty and want to be done with it all. I think in the long-run he has done me a favour. But i really wish this nagging voice wouldn’t keep saying he may text. We can all agree if he was going to he absolutely would have by now. @HowlongWillThisTakeNow thats so rubbish! What was the excuse? Well either way i’m in the recently been dropped* club. Members welcome, swimming certificate is a requirement. 😌

Cloudy…fingers crossed for Doc J….WTF is going on with the bloody ghosting crowd?? Vermin really. Thankfully he’s a blip in your dating life. Im a sucker for regular NORMAL nice contact. If he wants to meet you again he needs to be NICE

Naimee…I think Howlongy has not been dropped? Just that Mrs Show bailed out of something or a date they had arranged?? He’s just being his self deprecating person. Im sure there’s an explanation there somewhere. Patience

The thing that makes me rage is the toll this ghosting is taking on you. It has literally floored you and if you look closely…he wasn’t that amazing. There are a lot of amazing guys out there and you can and will date when you just forget MM

I think I have a low tolerance for diva ish behaviour but I’m trying to not throw the baby out with the bath water. I’ve killed a few chats when they’ve been a bit snippy, or grumpy I’m busy, but maybe they’re on a thread somewhere moaning about blokes who don’t reply quickly enough…

FloydPepper

im the female version of you ! In fact many others have sen kids on this thread . Work FT and have one sen ( who’s been out of education for a very long long time 🙈) child
when I was on hinge I put it on my profile
well maybe not all the grisly details

it didn’t put anyone off
that said I was looking more for FWB

but either way it’s best to be upfront so people know from the outset

ButterflyOfShay

well done

I make no comments on this end !

but we’ll done

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

oh dear you sound very upset indeed .

been there got the t shirt

you’ll need to address this when less pissed off

I thought she was Pretty ok ? How did you leave it ?

@Mila14 I definitely saw him through rose-tinted specs that’s for sure. I think i am done analysing everything though now, finally. Going round in circles isn’t going to benefit me. My friend said i got two possibilities 1) wallow and drag out the end 2) accept reality and move on without looking back. Both not scenarios i thought i’d be considering but i have gone this long and i’m pretty proud of myself too. 💪🏻

😉😘💕💕

Grrrrr. Id forgotten how annoying dating is. I ceased a couple of years ago, got a dog, started a Masters degree, relocated, rebooted fitness regime all good then one sleepless night late June (the day I found put my XH had announced his engagement on social media without informing our teen kids) I put together a profile, swiped left on many men and matched with just one who was just leaving my locality for the summer, corresponded sporadically but enough to know we had fundamentals in common.

Finally met a few weeks ago and since have had Dates 1, 2 & 3 the last of which was Saturday - back to his for some fairly chaste but fun rummaging (no juicy bits involved) and as I left some lusty plans for an actual sleepover next weekend.

Since then a noticeable drop/decline in text frequency/length (apart from a first - you are beautiful thanks for a wonderful evening cant wait for next weekend) and as I went to grab his profile pic to show my friend his location was moving as he was accompanying kids on a day out.

No hows your day been or Good Night/Good Morning text.

I don't really care but cant bear that my previously emotionally stable heart/mind is yet again in this position and already am (in my head) cancelling all ideas for a Sleepover Date 4 if enthusiasm and exclusivity aren't at a leave I would expect.

I am a classy high value bird and only a totally splendid fella would be hood enough for me.
If he's showing his true self then so be it

Ffs though. Id forgotten how torturous the process can be. Am verging on the decision that its just not worth the hassle right now.

(Mr Art this is)

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

id say scenarios are he might be doing some thinking after your vm you sent about asking questions , and doing his own assessment ?

i think it’s ok guy he might want or need some thinking space , as I think you have made your expectations clear - and that this weekend won’t be a fun one off rumble in the hay !

and yes it’s torturous , and we all let it torture us hence the existence of this thread !

bit him going quiet doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad , in my experience

and why would he say nice things if he didn’t mean them ?

Well remembered (and thank you) @Thisisworsethananticpated you are very wise and I'm probably guilty of giving mixed messages (lusty arrangements vis a vis lets get the physicals scheduled in asap versus voicemail stating I'll only be persuing/taking things forward if I'm confident its got legs)

I'd be amazed if anything I've done has scared him off or made him have a change of heart since Sat night early hours but stranger things have happened.

Doing double back-to-back exercise class tonight to work him out of my head and have just booked gig tickets with a mate on Thurs and Saturday.

I had forgotten how your heart lives in your mouth with this dating merrygoround

And even when you think you have dead cert about a new man you never do as they (often) turn out to be the urgent, lovebombing weirdos who you should never have classified as dead certs.

In my next life im going to ask to return as a lovely lesbian who doesn't have to think of blokes EVER.

I wonder if there is a a conversion course I could attend. I fancy blokes and want to shag them but not a big fan of how different they are to women.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss … completely agree with Lesbian conversion course 😂😂😂🙄
it’s harder for those of us who want a proper relationship not a FWB I think

Im also thinking a guy at this stage is never certain 100% but here’s the trick… I’m not either. So I think I used to plan a lot and just think on investing in people with a clear love connection and total availability. I’m planning less and less and enjoying really nice full on attention with my current iron . But I just do not want to control much at this stage. I’m the one with younger kids so he has to adapt to my rules somehow.
I think sometimes we are in a real hurry as women to get everything set in stone and clear and we just don’t relax and enjoy a relationship for what it is. You want to be chosen and wanted over all the other birds. So he needs to see what the other birds are like too.
that does not mean he’s to jump to bed with any of them but things happen slowly. At least at my age. I’m over 40

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss … I double train too when anxious 😂😂😂
We are alive so it’s nice feeling abit unsettled about our dating

Good comment there @Mila14

Yes yes yes to relaxing and seeing. Who cares if we have some sex and then it doesn't amount to anything. In my mind this is an important part of the triage process anyway so would be against my own principles to put off 'until they/I am committed' if we do proceed with the shaggy Date4 he & I may turn out to be completely incompatible (like that poor chap I dated in 2019 who had a little caterpillar willy and ED on top of that).

Have archived his chat so its not staring at me when I open WhatsApp for other girlfriend chats plus years ago stopped seeing or revealing blue tick read receipts.

I expect he'll message at some point and if he doesn't its genuinely no biggie. Its already a faff arranging to meet, choosing what to wear blah blah. Almost looking forward to returning to single celibacy already 🤣

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss … I think it’s imperative we enjoy the sex and there’s room there for a lot of sexiness. Sex is super important for me. And being in lust is key too. I’m in between 2 lovers . One is anatomically awesome in his “caterpillar” but the other is older and a very wise lover. At the end of the day we want intimacy and we want to fancy the guy greatly .

Lets see how it goes with Mr Art just let it happen and see how you feel. Easier said than done but allow for cave dwelling in men