Dating Thread 233 - Being Our True Selves

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Naimee87 , unfortunately, things get very complicated with MrEx. We are just not that suited. We like different things and have few interests in common. Besides there are some things in his character I can’t deal with. Mr Onis the complete opposite in many things. However , Mr O has called me earlier as he sensed I was getting anxious about the next few days we will spend together. He wanted to re assure me because I’m quite invested to be honest and it shows. With MrEx there’s no effort. With MrO, I need to keep checking myself and not go crazy to be honest

We demand Butterfly on this chat because she sprinkles good advise and is lovely too. Don’t go anywhere @ButterflyOfShay!🥰

Mila14

so why do you think things have hotted up with mr ex again ?
so long as your calm and honest

when you say your O has grief outbursts? What does that mean

I think MrEx is in a better shape after a long bout of dark moods and really unstable behavior. Now it’s just a lot of fun
He has moments where he sheds a tear or two. Especially as I asked a lot of personal questions the first days we were 24/7 together…But last time we were together he was really sexy and naughty and it looked like he’s quickly adapting to this new reality

Mila14

we’ll best to check this happier version is sustainable
is he practicing good mental health behaviour
is he drinking ?

MrEx drinks quite a lot. Yes. This s a massive issue. But he looks more controlled now

Thanks for the new thread. Am reading and trying to keep up with you all but nothing to report here. Went out at weekend and liked the look of a guy, caught his eye and we got chatting but turned out he was 11 years younger than me 🤦‍♀️ we swapped numbers because he wanted a pic I had taken and he messaged the next day and made a cheeky remark about coming over but I laughed it off - hes at a totally different life stage than me so it's pointless. Still scrolling the apps but barely swiping

My mum has suggested I join yet ANOTHER book club. (I'm a member of three already, one physical group and two virtual ones)

I don't want to. She's always moaning about books coming into the house.

I really want to learn something new. I've just started back at college (my first session was today) but when I get time, I want to do something I've never done.

I really want to learn salsa dancing. I've wanted to for a while now, it looks great, and I've read on these threads that it can be a good way to meet men.

Mum says I can't do salsa because 'I can't walk in a straight line.' And the man will have to 'drag me.' But when I've looked online, I see that some people with cp have gone to classes.

What do you guys think? Can it be done?

I mean, the apps aren't exactly working for me. They never have, really. The only bit of 'success' I had was with my ex, and that didn't last long.

Someone I matched with ages ago started chatting to me on Hinge. I had to tell him that I wasn't looking to date at the moment, and didn't want to potentially mislead him by starting a chat. I hoped he'd accept that and go on his way, but no. He came back with 'why are you on a dating app, then?'

(My account was paused at the time, so I wasn't actively searching on there)

I'm still here but nothing to report.

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

good luck with college !!!
I don’t know enough to advise re salsa and CP
but nothing lost to go to a trial ?

Totally agree!

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers I would ignore your mum (she's quite negative with you) and give it a go.
Find a local class and email the owner and go from there.

@ButterflyOfShay Old furniture is always beautiful and well made so that's a great description of you.

This thread isn't just for dating, some of us aren't even dating.
I mean I'm hunting for an FWB or 2, it's hard work, nearly as hard as dating and it's only casual!!
I've got another social tonight but I'm rather coffeed out (honestly the staff in the local Costa must wonder why I'm in there a few times a week with different men😂).

SortingItOut

gosh you have been busy ! Didn’t realise your search had got as far as coffee dates

your an FWB search pro

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers hopefully people at a salsa class would be friendly and encouraging, as others have said I think give it a go! You can ask the instructor what they think first.

@Thisisworsethananticpated If they pass Stages 1 - 3 then a social (usually coffee) is Stage 4....its whether they get to Stage 5 that matters 😂

This interviewing malarkey is hard work, I've sifted through hundreds of mesaages and 99% don't even get past Stage 1.

I might post my stages up soon....

So @SortingItOut are you making these connections via apps? I cannot face them at the moment or ever really. I did a whatsapp tidy-up the other day and could not believe how many guys were archived/left on unread that i didnt even recognise. Im sure im sitting on a ton of other mens phones randomly in a long list of their OLD matches which doesnt feel great. I am not quite ready to delete/block MM from my phone yet for now i am keeping our chats. Me and a friend have made a plan to go out once a week to the same bar/cafe after work, see whether we can strike up conversation that way...in this day and age deifinitely a long-shot i know. 😂

@Naimee87 I am ruthless with my phone. Every dating app contact gets tagged with my code name for the app so that I can find any app contacts and delete and block them when things don't progress.

@SortingItOut I am only here for your Stages / Criteria. It's going to be worth it!

Looking forward to a couple of coffees with women I've met online, to see if there's a 'spark'.

I wish i had lost my phone if im honest. Think that would be easier to handle! But even then i would have reached him to tell him...I hovered over deleting the chat last night but couldnt bring myself to do it. Still too fresh and my emotions are still too all over the place... but its crystal clear i never actually knew him did i! Good luck with the coffee chats! I do love experiencing the spark/chemistry/butterflies feeeling. I am confident i will be able to feel that again with someone else but not for a long while. I dont want to jump into anything as a way of masking or ignoring how i currently feel. I have to get through this disappointment properly first.

@Naimee87 I'm on Fabswingers which is a website and not an app. Also on Feeld but not many in my area (this is an app)

I'm the same as @BelladiMamma I save their name and add a code name of the app. I have a tidy up every so often.

Your plan with your friend sounds a great idea. I hope it works.

I've not deleted any photos or the chat with Mr K but he is archived and on permanent silence. Every so often I scroll my gallery for something and up pops a photo and it's like a gut punch😥
Mr K messaged the other night over something innocuous and there proceeded a 2 hr message exchange😱
It's been 2 weeks since last contact (and the time before that) - I think he's missing me.....

@BelladiMamma Good luck with your coffee meets.

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers …I can dance salsa, bachata, etc. You can too. Go for it. It’s super easy and great fun and I have seen people with 2 left feet dancing it about right.

super news about college. This is good investment in yourself

I think book clubs should be fun too. Anything you feel you can do and have time for is good. College time should go first so you need to see how much free time do you really have I guess!

@Naimee87 good luck with the weekly outings - I often get chatting to people out but unfortunately the ones I tend to fancy are either too young or taken so are no go's 🤦‍♀️🤣

@SortingItOut it must just keep opening wounds keeping in sporadic contact with him. I'm not sure I could do it

Currently got a match who is younger and quite frankly out of my league - I only sent a like as an appreciation of some very good pics and never expected a match. Hes very keen despite me brushing him off several times so now my suspicions are raised thinking I've hooked myself another catfish 🤦‍♀️

@Slothmomma but i need to go hangout at like greasy-spoons or pubs or motorway restops 😂 where my type of eye-candy hangs out. Cannot stand posh swanky bars where everyone sashaays around flauting their epxensive suits, and all they talk about is how unbelievably important they are and how unblievably demanding their jobs is. I swear some men spend more time on treatments these days than women...