Dating Thread 233 - Being Our True Selves

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Me tooooo 😆😆

@SortingItOut im sorry for your heartache 😞💔 and you @Naimee87 , youre both so lovely and don’t deserve it … why does life do this 😕😕

The queen death (rip amazing strong woman ) has bought texts from some old irons !

So very sorry Worsy and everyone else. MrO is devastated and so is MrEx who has gone to Buckingham palace to mourn with the rest of the world. This kind of news bring everyone together

He’s gone to Buckingham palace ?
wow
I havnt got my head around it
she was pretty bloody amazing

@ButterflyOfShay i’m one of those people who believes that ‘everything happens for a reason’ (i know, i know…) but i have to believe that there is something i am meant to be learning from all this. But oh man is this a tough tough lesson. I really enjoyed his company and time we spent together. Hard to think i’ll never get that back. And its hard to imagine feeling like that with anyone else. But hopefully in time i’ll get back to being excited about meeting someone new!

Found y’ all!! x

@Naimee87 you will sweet… I can’t believe he has either it just seems very odd.

@Naimee87 oh yes I ahve looked into the HGV tcourse and will do again, also stuck in a dreadful role in a school and need to escape! Those truckies are attarctive..mm.
@SortingItOut Agree with you re Costa, my local branch has hosted about 10 dates over the last year, myself and a different guy each time, thankfully its staffed by a constant changeeover of grumpy teenagers who notice nothing! ( although I have snogged a few in the carpark..)🙄

@Signoramarella I've done many a Costa date too. It was at a Costa I was stood up so had been stood outside waiting to meet as arranged. When I realised I'd been stood up (and checked to see he'd unmatched me quickly too) I decided to go in and get a takeaway drink anyway. I ordered a medium to go. When I collected the girl handed me a large, winked and said I've made it a large for free - bless her, she must have seen and guessed what had happened and took pity on me 😆

@ButterflyOfShay thanks! I am really struggling to accept that just not hearing from him is the new reality. Juts feels all kinds of wrong. But really not a lot i can do. So for now i just got to get on with my life, which admittedly isnt a bad one at all.
@Signoramarella I want out of my role so badly but i am the only income. DSs dad doesnt contribute at all. Live in different countries. Recently he has made a bit of an attempt to connect with us but taking it really slow because he basically has not kept in touch with us. And i left him to it as our life just being me and DS has been and still is a pretty good one. But back to the truck stuff, the salary is waay lower that what i am on now, plus it would be shifts and obviously no WFH possibility. But the job i am in now is just a mix of dull/monotonous/stressful i get to the end of the day and feel i just wasted it the day staring at a screen, completing mindless tasks and listening to people talk about how oh so important they, it just is not my world. BUT in the grand scheme of things this is 100% a first world problem! Hope you look into the HGV training not sure what salaries are like in the UK but if you are keen to get going i can only say do it

@Slothmomma …that’s lovely story. Kindness is what we all need. I can’t believe he stood you up without even saying a word…cretin.

warning thought streaming incoming

I am now out of apps but not totally “ out of the woods”. Yesterday I was thinking…what if I ditch the 2?? I think I’m getting PMS but I really really thank goodness I do my time with kids with days of no men contact whatsoever. It’s really too much to handle. MrO is becoming more needy and I’m becoming more scared…
im not sure of anything now although both make me very happy and care a lot about me . One of them is in love..the other one is totally infatuated. I don’t understand anything and I now I love one very much and I can fall in love with the other…

Morning everyone.

@Slothmomma absolutely cannot fathom the arseholery of standing someone up. The worst I’ve had is someone cancelling 30 mins before (after I called to check as hadn’t heard all day 🤬) but I’d already travelled there… it is SO disrespectful! Love the Costa girl upgrading your drink - solidarity 👊🏼

@Naimee87 this sounds so painful for you - I hope it feels better soon. I would be so tempted to drop an email just for hope of closure.

@Mila14 I hope this all calms down for you soon but as you say, thank god for respite with the DC to distract from men thoughts.

I saw MrN on Weds for dinner/hotel in town… we had as ever a great time although in the morning after he left I could feel myself overthinking the whole thing and finding fault. We are now about 3-4 months in from first meeting, it’s all straightforward as in - very clear physical chemistry, very straightforwardly into it on both sides, similar values and a friendship growing outside of any romantic/sexual connection. So all good. But I’m struggling with the fact we hardly can see each other till at least November. Partly I’m stupidly busy, partly so is he. So we meet up, have this intense few hours together, then that’s it for a fortnight. I couldn’t really see much more of anyone right now but it just feels strangely jarring - like my life changes completely while we’re together and then BAM, back to normal. It’s hard to explain.

Also am due to be seeing FWB ex-iron MrM tomorrow and feeling a bit odd about that. Will see how it goes. MrN knows about it but it’s new for me to have two different connections going. I’m going to see how it feels this weekend and consider things next week. I feel weird in that MrM is at his university for the day on Saturday then travelling for what will be 4-5 hours to come see me. It feels like the kind of thing a bf would do but neither of us think he’s a boyfriend (I absolutely know he doesn’t think that) so it all just feels a bit confusing! This is my version of @Naimee87’s “first world problems” dilemma!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …I totally understand you. I am seeing MrO too much and it’s very intense. Leaves me little to see MrEx.
Perhaps MrN is veering towards FWB and that’s why you feel so uncomfortable when your time is up. Also that might be why you are having such a great time with him as there’s no boyfriend/girlfriend involved. 3 to 4 months is enough time to see whether you are falling in love or not. And you know whether he’s falling in love too.
I think you need to see Mr M and enjoy yourself massively and think things afterwards. Mr Nice is very nice but is this progressing to being in love ??

No it’s very much moved towards being in love - those words are being tentatively exchanged. The feelings are very strong - but also completely drama-free. I’ve never had that before - the strong feelings are normally intoxicating/heady, this doesn’t feel like that. I think it’s probably a good thing and might mean it’s more ‘healthy’ but fuck knows, as I have no experience of healthy relationships 🙈

I mean, we’ve just signed up to do a 10K together in February, this is a new thing for me 😆 The sex/chemistry side is also incredible, so it’s not like that’s lacking either. But weirdly I feel like if I never saw him again, I’d be okay. I mean I’d be really sad as I do like him a lot, but there’s no idolisation or anything.

Thanks everyone for thinking about me. I guess it will just take time. But i go from wanting answers to not wanting any answers. So as it stands better to leave things as they are. I can relate @ibelieveinmirrorballs because MM was an escape from my life too and even though i knew it was only that it meant a lot. We text pretty much daily given too, he was just always there. But i think if i ever date again i will need to seriously check in with myself about whether i am happy with whats on offer. I think what you mentioned about the aftermath of having seen MrN, I was so happy with seeing MM, then on cloud 9 for a few days, then it got a bit tricky emotions-wise. There was another thread (concentration is out the window today) about first impressions/gut feelings about someone and whether you can/should trust them. I never got a bad vibe from MM, i thought he was trust-worthy, honest, kind and considerate. I am really looking forward to drinks tonight with my friend for now i am sticking to gay guys... I LOVE him to pieces, he will do wonders for my mood too! DSs birthday on Monday and i actually already bought everything. I am a last minute person so this is super impressive for me.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …you need to see MrM and see how you feel too… in my case it’s the opposite of yours. MrEx says he’s in love and says I love you. MrO is hard to crack so i don’t really know what’s happening in his head

@Naimee87 …this not having a text or closure with MM is killing you. Enjoy your time with Gfriend and son and try to have a lovely weekend. It’s a good thing you know better what you need and want from a relationship

@Mila14 are you seeing O this weekend? All will be revealed in time I think… hand on heart, do you think something has changed with Ex sufficiently that he’s worth going back to? Can he offer you truly what you need?

Have been messaging M in between back to back meetings today (this week has been horrendous 😫) and feeling a bit better. It’ll be fun I’m sure, as fun is his speciality 🙄 - it’s also probably about all I can handle as my brain is cotton wool.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …it’s amazing how things are moving with Mr Nice but I think when you really really are in love…you are not ok if he goes away . I don’t think it’s bad to be crazy in love

@Mila14 I do miss him and want to see more of Nice… I wonder if it’s partly that he’s so straightforward that I don’t feel any anxiety about it ending… I have no idea. I’m also bloody tired. Told him I felt weird this morning in that we have these intense bursts of contact and then I feel like I sort of have to reassemble myself afterwards. He suggested we try to add some midweek chaste get togethers where we meet halfway for dinner or something. Probably a good idea.. to be less sex focused when we meet or something. But the thought of that is simultaneously frustrating 😵‍💫 Argh.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …for me it’s key not to just do sex. That really throws me off. I enjoyed massively going out to cultural events with MrO and having lunch with 0 sex after a crazy. With Mr Ex we always go for dinner or to theatre or movie….I think you need to go out and do couple things not just sex. Go for walks, eat out..He’s not a FWB. What throws you off is the only sex bit. It would also do my head in

Im with kids until end of next week. I’m seeing Mr O next week. He’s away next weekend. I will probably see MrEX at some point possibly next weekend. MrEx has a super power job in the city so he works frantic, We haven’t yet decided. I don’t really know yet. MrO used to have super frantic job in the city, now winding down big time.so his time with me is clear and steadier. He has grown up kids and a freer schedule so he basically adapts quite well to me

@Naimee87 …it’s unbelievable how easy is to get hooked on texting…MrO out and about today and I’m missing his texts!! Seriously

Thank you for posting!!! -was getting paranoid that there were no posts today and thinking I had accidentally hidden this vital thread😁