Page 6 | Take away to someone else address?

Flowerpot101 · 2022-08-31T20:32:59+00:00

The other day, myself and my other half decided to order a take out Chinese from a place local but that we had from before but not for a while. The website auto saves the address and credit card similar to how just eat would. He passed me his phone to input my order, so I did then continued to checkout to find another address already on there, it’s his account, his credit card, but some one else’s full address, door number, street, post code. This address was a few estates away from us so not exactly a auto input from location services as it’s too far away, - I’d understand if it put on automatically next doors address or something. He brushed it under the carpet immediately saying “oh dunno why that’s there” I memories the postcode and door number and obviously google mapped it to ensure it was an address. I even drove past the house, a mini parked outside, flowers in the window, so it’s actually a place. Has he previously ordered a take away there or is this a simple technical error? Should I be worried?

christmascrackers22 · 01/09/2022 14:12

Flowerpot101 · 31/08/2022 22:19

So it’s not just me then, I do have a genuine reason to believe he’s been having take aways with someone else at someone else’s house. He goes out every Tuesday night to his mates house, there’s a bunch of them that get together, I even drop him off there sometimes. Surely his mates wouldn’t knowingly allow him to leave their weekly get together to go to some other woman while they know I’m at home with the kids.

He's they would unfortunately 😭 . Also the fact that that address is saved there with his new details means he's been at that address . Take a look at the order history and see if it was ordered on a Tuesday

christmascrackers22 · 01/09/2022 14:17

Op you don't need to log in there at all . Or you don't need to go on any other account . You know where he is going . What you need to do is not mention anything at all about it and act as normal as possible . When you drop him
Off again . Drive to the other adress and wait until he turns up

girlmom21 · 01/09/2022 14:22

christmascrackers22 · 01/09/2022 14:17

Op you don't need to log in there at all . Or you don't need to go on any other account . You know where he is going . What you need to do is not mention anything at all about it and act as normal as possible . When you drop him
Off again . Drive to the other adress and wait until he turns up

Or just tell him you know he's lying and sneaking around and he can tell you the truth or he can leave.

vroom321 · 01/09/2022 14:24

@EleanorShellstrop28 I didn't comment on his job. That's not the part I was talking about.
😂😂😂

Jk24 · 01/09/2022 15:23

Well I'd ask him outright now. You can't get on the app and was looking for a the away you fancy this weekend, why has he changed the password? That along with the mysterious address tell him you want answers

JubileeTissues · 01/09/2022 15:27

Yeah cause cheating men always tell the truth when a woman demands answers.

You'll get the bare minimum out of him OP and it'll be lies. Either catch him in the act or just dump him anyway

totallyoutnumbered · 01/09/2022 15:30

I wouldn't be hiding my time or looking for more evidence in light of what you've said. I'd be knocking on the door of this address but that's just me. I'm terrible at putting things to the back of my mind. It would utterly consume me.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/09/2022 15:39

What is the situation re the property and finances?. Are you named on any tenancy agreement or are named as part of a joint mortgage?.

I'd also want to know who lives at this particular address.

essex956 · 01/09/2022 15:43

You mentioned the relationship already isn't in a good place OP. What are the other issues?

If it's not a good relationship you don't need evidence of cheating to leave

CornishTiger · 01/09/2022 15:46

You can easily get a copy of deeds to a house for £3 online….. won’t help if it’s rented though

Lunabun · 01/09/2022 15:51

I second @CornishTiger , I'd say £3 is worth it! I'd also get a friend to stake out the address on one of his "nights with his friends"

Original poster

Flowerpot101 · 01/09/2022 15:53

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/09/2022 15:39

What is the situation re the property and finances?. Are you named on any tenancy agreement or are named as part of a joint mortgage?.

I'd also want to know who lives at this particular address.

All his, he doesn’t want to do joint on anything and has full control of finances. I’ve been staying at home with the kids so haven’t really been able to argue this situation. When I have Ive not had a moral leg to stand on as he’s the one who earns the money so he controls it. It’s been a “he sorts the money and I sort the kids” set up. Ive just gone back to work so will start to have my own money again.

OP posts:

Lunabun · 01/09/2022 15:55

He sounds like an absolutely nob from what you've just said about the money situation.

I don't like to jump to this as I don't like to trivialise the matter, but financial abuse alarm bells are ringing in my head whilst reading your last update.

Original poster

Flowerpot101 · 01/09/2022 15:57

essex956 · 01/09/2022 15:43

You mentioned the relationship already isn't in a good place OP. What are the other issues?

If it's not a good relationship you don't need evidence of cheating to leave

I absolutely agree. I don’t trust him obviously. The relationship has been hostile, poor or lack of sex and affection. I’m no angel, the more he pulls back the more I pull back. There’s a lot of of passive aggression and silent treatment so quite a break down really.

OP posts:

Original poster

Flowerpot101 · 01/09/2022 16:04

Lunabun · 01/09/2022 15:55

He sounds like an absolutely nob from what you've just said about the money situation.

I don't like to jump to this as I don't like to trivialise the matter, but financial abuse alarm bells are ringing in my head whilst reading your last update.

its not financial abuse. It’s his money, he does provide for us and isn’t tight with money. Just hasn’t given me equal access to it while I’ve been bringing up the kiddies. Its also an argument I’m sick of fighting for. But I’m going back into work so I’m over the finance side. Just need to save really well :)

OP posts:

Musti · 01/09/2022 16:09

Flowerpot101 · 01/09/2022 16:04

its not financial abuse. It’s his money, he does provide for us and isn’t tight with money. Just hasn’t given me equal access to it while I’ve been bringing up the kiddies. Its also an argument I’m sick of fighting for. But I’m going back into work so I’m over the finance side. Just need to save really well :)

Show quote history

It is though. He makes the money because you have been at home raising kids! Should be a team with equal access to money. Otherwise, logic would dictate that they’re more your kids than his because you are a sahm.

He is controlling, financially abusive, secretive and obviously cheating.

Playing away whilst you’re at home raising the kids. Yuck.

When you do go back to work, make sure that it is full time and that he pulls his weight with childcare and housework.

spareroomtears · 01/09/2022 16:10

JubileeTissues · 01/09/2022 15:27

Yeah cause cheating men always tell the truth when a woman demands answers.

You'll get the bare minimum out of him OP and it'll be lies. Either catch him in the act or just dump him anyway

So if that’s the case and you’re certain you’ll get the bare minimum out of him anyway aka he’ll lie then what’s the benefit of doing detective work to find shit out? You’re as good as calling him a liar so isn’t that enough to end it?

what would people do before phones and internet sleuthing? They would just trust their gut if someone was lying and act on it - if you ask someone if they’ve done something and you think their response is a lie then that’s all there is to it, no?

layladomino · 01/09/2022 16:12

I think the unknown address in the takeaway app is only the tip of the iceberg. Even without that doubt, there are many alarm bells ringing. Financial abuse for one. Although he is the only one currently brining in money, the money he brings in should be for the household. It isn't more his than yours. You've taken a temporary hit on your income for your joint child. That should cost both of you, not just you.

You should have joint accounts that you have equal access to. The fact he hides financial information and thinks he's the only one who can control the finances is shocking and worrying.

He doesn't sound like he sees you as his equal. It sounds like you can't trust him. Certainly financially, but now possible with an OW.

Can you gather up as much info as possible about your housing / financial situation and seek some legal advice about where you stand?

You deserve someone who respects you and sees you as his equal. Better to be single than with someone who doesn't respect you and who you cant' trust.

Original poster

Flowerpot101 · 01/09/2022 16:35

layladomino · 01/09/2022 16:12

I think the unknown address in the takeaway app is only the tip of the iceberg. Even without that doubt, there are many alarm bells ringing. Financial abuse for one. Although he is the only one currently brining in money, the money he brings in should be for the household. It isn't more his than yours. You've taken a temporary hit on your income for your joint child. That should cost both of you, not just you.

You should have joint accounts that you have equal access to. The fact he hides financial information and thinks he's the only one who can control the finances is shocking and worrying.

He doesn't sound like he sees you as his equal. It sounds like you can't trust him. Certainly financially, but now possible with an OW.

Can you gather up as much info as possible about your housing / financial situation and seek some legal advice about where you stand?

You deserve someone who respects you and sees you as his equal. Better to be single than with someone who doesn't respect you and who you cant' trust.

All of that is spot on if I’m being truly honest with myself 😞 don’t have a leg stand on with finances, we’re not married, it’s his mortgage he got before we met so it’s all his. He purchased a car last year, his name, everything is his. I just need to be less passive and laid back and face up to this and leave!

OP posts:

MichaelAndEagle · 01/09/2022 16:46

totallyoutnumbered · 01/09/2022 15:30

I wouldn't be hiding my time or looking for more evidence in light of what you've said. I'd be knocking on the door of this address but that's just me. I'm terrible at putting things to the back of my mind. It would utterly consume me.

What would you say? Has my boyfriend been here ordering takeaway?

They'd probably lie anyway, say they don't know what you're on about and you'd probably be none the wiser.

Aikko · 01/09/2022 16:55

Flowerpot101 · 01/09/2022 16:04

its not financial abuse. It’s his money, he does provide for us and isn’t tight with money. Just hasn’t given me equal access to it while I’ve been bringing up the kiddies. Its also an argument I’m sick of fighting for. But I’m going back into work so I’m over the finance side. Just need to save really well :)

Show quote history

This is honestly quite terrifying, - in that he has full financial control whilst at the same time he expects you to bring up the children that you both brought in to this world. This is not an equal partnership.

MadeForThis · 01/09/2022 16:56

To be honest it sounds as if you aren't happy anyway.

You don't have to have proof that he is cheating to leave. You can leave because you are not happy.

Get your finances in order. Make a plan and leave.

buzzbuzzybuzz · 01/09/2022 17:00

That's so suspicious. His behaviour after nails it for me. Prepare to leave.

ZealAndArdour · 01/09/2022 17:04

I once had a sort of date/sort of FWB round to mine for the evening. We’d known each other a long time so not a risky thing.

Anyway, we ordered a papa johns, he used his app and inputted my address to get it delivered. We didn’t see each other many more times after that, things fizzled out as he planned to move back to Scotland. Thought nothing more of it.

Around a year later, a letter came to my address but addressed to him, I was very freaked out. I’d moved into the flat brand new and there had been no previous occupants. I didn’t know if he was trying to scam me or using my address for something dodgy.

The following day an identical letter arrived for me, same envelope, same post mark, same thickness, same font, etc. I opened it, it was an advertising circular from Papa Johns 😂

I don’t think it helps you OP, but that’s my weird takeaway address story.

pensionconfusion · 01/09/2022 17:11

If you plan to leave see a lawyer first and plan it.

I know you're not married and it's not your mortgage but you have a child and maybe given up work to do so. Doing so can hinder your career progression and has to be taken into account when separating.

Write down everything since you've been together.

Good luck 🤞🏻