OLD - why’s it so much bloody easier for men?

[Olivemitteridge]

More of a vent really, but a male friend of mine (we used to date but have been friends for a few years) has just told me he’s met someone.
He apparently signed up, and within a week, he’s met someone he likes and they’re now dating.

In contrast, I’ve been doing OLD on and off for 2 years, have probably had around 40 to 50 dates in that time, and although I’ve met some nice enough me, no spark and only a couple of second dates which came to nothing - one I realised I wasn’t keen and the other one ghosted me!

For context, we’re in our 50s, and he is very choosy, educated, attractive but quite set in his ways. So, he wouldn’t be just going for anyone, if that makes sense. He’s unlikely to go for someone younger either - he’ll be looking for someone similar to him, in their mid-50s.

It really feels unfair.

I am actually quite upset about it as I’d really like to meet someone and the choice seems so dire in my age group.

How do I stop feeling bitter?? Only half joking..,

Well everyone is different. You say he is probably with someone the same age as you so good luck to him.
Don’t lower your standards whatever you do.
Life isn’t an equal playing field. If I think about it I look at couples and think ‘Why is she with him?’ But it’s not my problem. Obviously you have skin in the game so you see it and it affects you.

I thought this too but on talking to a male friend he thought women had it easier and has had no luck OLD
Think it's all about perspective

I sympathise as I totally hate OLD and was doing it (unsuccessfully) for 4 years before I met DP.

However, I don't think it's necessarily easier for men. Maybe your friend has been extremely lucky?

Focussing purely on success rates, surely in hetro dating, the number of men who have met someone they like must match then number of women who have met someone they like? Unless of course there are a lot of happy men with new partners who are less than happy 😂

I don’t think men have it easier at all. They have fewer (or no) people being gross and sexual at them, but they also have fewer options overall.

Your friend got lucky, perhaps you will as well.

It's just dumb luck. Men struggle as much as women on OLD but all dating and relationships have a healthy dose of luck attached. Understanding how frustrating it is that he's met someone and you still haven't but being bitter about it would be like being bitter someone won the lottery. You're doing all the right things and that's all you can do.

Focussing purely on success rates, surely in hetro dating, the number of men who have met someone they like must match then number of women who have met someone they like?

Yes, but that might not be equal as a % - you'd have to know the number of each sex on (heterosexual) OLD to work out the success rates. If you have 100 women on OLD and 10 men, and, say 9 matches, that is a 90% success rate for the men, and 9% for the women.

I've not got the stats but I'm sure I've read there are a lot more men on OLD than women....I'll need to check!

cybercrew.uk/blog/dating-statistics-uk/

Not sure if it helps but I've had a few short non-relationships out of OLD (3-4 months), where it sort of fell into that situation where they seemed to be happy to get as far as a second date, and I felt mean because I didn't feel a spark, but kept seeing them because they weren't as awful as other dates. We were dating but it wasn't right. I just didn't want to be the bad guy by not feeling it and saying so.

Lots of these "relationships", for the men I'm pretty sure I could have been anyone, they were just happy to have someone.

My standards are higher now

I thought straight men were shown to ‘like’ more than straight women?

Surely a lot of it is luck and possibly in some cases standards?

I tried online dating for a while, I never actually met anyone in the end as I found I didn’t chat to someone worth both the cost and faff of a childminder. I then signed up to a dating agency and I married the first person I went on a date with.

How are we measuring success, going on one date, or going on 10 with the same person?

I’m sure I will get criticised for this, but, I did OLD for a couple of years, early 50’s as well, I got maybe 10 opening messages women, I had maybe 15 dates in about 2 years or so.
If you had 40 or 50 dates in 2 years, I would say you are doing much much “better” than most men, my overall experience on old was a pretty frustrating and unhappy one and I certainly would not go back on it.

I think its loads easier for men.

I don't know why.

It just is!

Attractive, intelligent women are 10 a penny. Men, not so much. I haven't got any statistics to prove it. But I know its true . I looked at the men in my age group - it was when I was in my 40s and 50s - and they were a dispiriting bunch to behold. Either good-looking and 'together' but utterly entitled, or alternatively in a poor state, you might cross the road to avoid.

I hear ya, OP!

But men swipe on every woman and oit of thise who like back, they choose the one’s they find good looking enough.

Women look and read the profiles and swipes on the one’s that could have potential.

I don’t know that it is easier for men, I think it comes down to luck.

One of my close friends (female) started OLD and her first date ended up leading to marriage and children. She was picky and didn’t just accept anyone. However I’ve tried OLD for 6 months, it was a complete waste of time, liars, ghosters and love bombers. I gave up in the end.

Pandemonium
it really isnt. As per link 85% of Tinder users are men.
plenty of women in their 40’s - 50’s are in a poor state and those that aren’t only swipe on men over 6ft with a full head of hair and teeth that cost them £20,000.

This. We might not have the shit to wade through that you do, but we have the opposite problem. A man on OLD will probably have to initiate. He’ll likely get a very low response rate (95% of messages are ignored). As you see on here, if his opening isn’t cleverly crafted and tailored, it won’t be co suffered good enough.

women get bombarded with responses and have to filter the good from the bad. Men get very very little response.

*considered good enough

It's not easier for men. Your sample size is 1 and he got lucky.

Whereas, if we were going to use my experience (also sample size of 1), my dp is the first man I met online. He had been online looking for much longer.

My DP had been single for 5 years and on all sorts of OLD platforms. I’d been single a year and only on OLD for a few weeks when I met him. So I don’t think it’s a male/female thing.

@Otterhound

Tinder! lol. Mostly men looking for casual sex. I'll send you a tiny violin! I rest my case!

women are bombarded @FloydPepper (I assume you're a man)???!! Well how do you know? I would say what you call 'bombardment' is usually a load of low-quality loser-types of men who just message anybody, literally anybody, with 'hiya sexy' and other nonsense. However base or ugly they are, it won't stop them contacting women who in real life would cross the road to avoid them. Alot of middle of the road bores as well. A discerning woman will struggle for sure!

OLD isn’t easier for men. They greatly outnumber women on all platforms, so for women it’s a seller’s market. In the vast majority of cases women can pick & choose. Men, unless they are very good looking high status, can’t.

Your friend just got lucky, that’s all.

Just because your friend met someone quickly doesn’t mean it’s easier for men. I know single my age and younger who aren’t finding OLD a doddle. Polite, intelligent, decent looking professionals. Nice men. Maybe it was luck, maybe your friend doesn’t have high standards.

It's funny how men say its harder. The ones who say that are over reaching and messaging women too much younger..
I was very realistic, only messaged very average men who were still q bit older and they rarely responded.

Only men I wouldnt have seen in that way in real life messaged me.
So when men say its harder for them I think they are making it hard.