OLD - why’s it so much bloody easier for men?

[Olivemitteridge]

More of a vent really, but a male friend of mine (we used to date but have been friends for a few years) has just told me he’s met someone.
He apparently signed up, and within a week, he’s met someone he likes and they’re now dating.

In contrast, I’ve been doing OLD on and off for 2 years, have probably had around 40 to 50 dates in that time, and although I’ve met some nice enough me, no spark and only a couple of second dates which came to nothing - one I realised I wasn’t keen and the other one ghosted me!

For context, we’re in our 50s, and he is very choosy, educated, attractive but quite set in his ways. So, he wouldn’t be just going for anyone, if that makes sense. He’s unlikely to go for someone younger either - he’ll be looking for someone similar to him, in their mid-50s.

It really feels unfair.

I am actually quite upset about it as I’d really like to meet someone and the choice seems so dire in my age group.

How do I stop feeling bitter?? Only half joking..,

men can remain handsome in to their fifties but the vast majority put on weight, go bald, don't dress well, don't try that hard.

Women stop trying too. I love clothes and I wear make up but I've stopped trying to be slim. I recently thought, what is the effing point of being size ten? So some man on OLD might date me three times, fuck me and then go back for somebody new??! I'm being flippant here, sort of, but what's the point of being slim when men see you as still being 50. That's all they see. They can't see past that. Even when they're the same age or older.
I'm so glad I'm not married. If I got even a sniff of this from a husband it'd be such a turn off. I'd release him back on to tinder for the younger ladies to enjoy

I'm purely speaking about looks here.. and trying to be objective.

Women are far more likely to by carrying weight aged 40+ than men. GENERALLY SPEAKING,

It's just a fact of biology and some social aspects.

Testosterone tells the body to maintain muscle mass
Estrogen tells the body to store fat for child rearing.

Men are also more likely to be working / worked active jobs.

Your only saving grace here is that men lose their hair and women don't.

Can’t understand why you have no luck on OLD…

It's only online that men know exactly what age you are and know what age they are and have an idea about what they ''deserve''. In the real world younger men still chat and smile and have no idea if you're older or younger than them, they see you a bit more hollistically than just your age. My last bf who I met in real life not OLD is 6 years younger and wants to get back together. I would recommend all women to stay well away from OLD because whatever the stats say about OLD being easier for women, how are they measuring it. What is the determination of easier. Does it mean getting a date at all? I'd argue it's easier to get no dates than to go through the emotional wringer of getting dates and feeling like it's a fledging relationship only to discover it's not and they were playing you. These were not the ''top 20%'' of men online. I keep reading that only the top 20% of men have any success on line. Well in my case I was very realistic about the men I messaged. These guys were not the top 20% believe me.

I fell so much better since I totally gave up. I cannot image ever wanting to go back on line again. Done with that.

I have no luck because I'm only a 6.5/10 in terms of looks.
Men need to be at least an 8 to get any traction in these apps.

it's just a fact of biology that men age too.

It's a question of self-awareness, some men seem to believe that ageing only applies to women. That a bit of testosterone makes the whole issue irrelevant. And yet women only message the top 20% of men, the other 80 gripe. So an older man isn't what women want. An older woman isn't what men want, we believe you but it goes both ways.

So, this is where personality comes in!

Good luck liam

My friends and I are or have been well seasoned online daters. You’ve been lucky to meet someone in 2 weeks. And I’m glad for you! Celia24 you’ve saved an awful lot of time.

You wrote quite a bit, but didn’t answer the question. It wasn’t a complicated question.

For men it's a numbers game they will click on anyone unless they find them really unattractive. Yes they more likely have success as women are more choosey.

How does that work?

For every 100 people on OLD 90 of them are men and 10 are women.

"Women are far more likely to by carrying weight aged 40+ than men. GENERALLY SPEAKING"

NHS stats do not support this statement:

digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/publications/statistical/statistics-on-obesity-physical-activity-and-diet/statistics-on-obesity-physical-activity-and-diet-england-2019/part-3-adult-obesity

Interesting thanks for sharing powershowerforanhour

Liam you sound like you may be on the incel spectrum tbh

And I'm also not a lesbian but agree that single women in their eg 40s are overall more physically attractive than eg men in their 40s.

(Citation needed )

No, it’s because of your attitude. Women ‘ghost’ you after three messages? That’s like saying a woman you said hello to on the train ‘ghosted’ you. What happened is they said hello and realised they didn’t like you that much. it’s all down to looks, women only want men an 8 and above etc etc. No, it’s because we’re well versed in spotting a mansplaining whinger and avoiding at all costs.

😂

My thoughts exactly.

Agree I’m getting incel vibes too and that’s why I’m not engaging

I’m chatting to a man some would consider 5-6/10 because looks aren’t everything

Also what a bizarre scale. If men need to be ‘at least an 8’ to get any replies how does that scale work? Surely they’d then need to look like Chris Hemsworth or something to get any engagement? To me famous movie stars and models etc must be a 9 so no regular guy is going to be 8 or above. Even a 6.5 would presumably be pretty good looking, because realistically most people are fairly pleasant looking, so everyone average must be about a 5/6. Although we non-incels tend not to grade people by looks or have bizarrely high standards of magazine beauty in people we’re dating, so maybe that’s why it’s hard for me to grasp it.

@Kanaloa I've always wondered that! So, this chap is claiming to be a 6.5/10 on a scale on which Idris Elba is about a 10, yes? Yet he has no success with women because he’s not attractive enough?

Do these people even know how scales work? As the maths ain’t mathing. 😂

Cherchezlaspice Kanaloa 😂😂😂

I've been OLDing. I'm in my 40s.

I don't know whether I'm attractive or not. I do a fair bit of sport, so don't "carry extra weight". Does that make me attractive 😂.

I can confirm that based on what I see on OLD that men really don't look after themselves and few are attractive past the age of 45. It looks like lack of effort in their appearance to me. Lots of them are overweight and look a bit scruffy.

'Attractive, intelligent women are 10 a penny'.

I'd agree but only when dating in Russia via Tinder passport.😂

Interesting stats, men are more likely to be overweight, but of the overweight people of both genders, women are more likely to be obese, is that down to genetics ?

Overall, 67% of men and 62% of women were classed as overweight or obese. Being overweight but not obese was more common among men than women. However, obesity (including morbid obesity) was more common in women than men.

Oh mate, give it up, you are making yourself look like a right tit now.
I’m in my 50s slim , active, most of own hair & OLD was a total waste of time, no one was interested, & I wouldn’t go back, but real life is very different, I’ve met a few different, & now I’m dating one of them , get out there and meet people