OLD - why’s it so much bloody easier for men?

[Olivemitteridge]

More of a vent really, but a male friend of mine (we used to date but have been friends for a few years) has just told me he’s met someone.
He apparently signed up, and within a week, he’s met someone he likes and they’re now dating.

In contrast, I’ve been doing OLD on and off for 2 years, have probably had around 40 to 50 dates in that time, and although I’ve met some nice enough me, no spark and only a couple of second dates which came to nothing - one I realised I wasn’t keen and the other one ghosted me!

For context, we’re in our 50s, and he is very choosy, educated, attractive but quite set in his ways. So, he wouldn’t be just going for anyone, if that makes sense. He’s unlikely to go for someone younger either - he’ll be looking for someone similar to him, in their mid-50s.

It really feels unfair.

I am actually quite upset about it as I’d really like to meet someone and the choice seems so dire in my age group.

How do I stop feeling bitter?? Only half joking..,

Without wishing to he pessimistic, a week is a bit early to assume your friend has been successful. He barely knows the woman. If they were walking down the aisle I'd see your point, but all he's done is get a couple of dates under his belt.
However, as a general principle you only have to compare the average 50 year old woman to her male counterpart to see why it's so much (decent) men.

@Kanaloa These are the questions that need answers! 😂

Surely attractiveness is completely subjective though. What I’m drawn to will be completely different to someone else’s ‘type’. So, the scales are difficult to quantify.

Obviously we all get that Idris Elba/George Clooney et all are very handsome, but we’re not talking about model looks here, just normal people on a dating site.

Equally most of can accept that very overweight, untidy and badly dressed men of a certain age, who look as if they’ve made zero effort, will struggle to match with women, despite their expectations.

There is a huge range of people in between these two extremes.

It’s totally subjective, and obviously there’s a massive range. That’s why rating people on a 1-10 number scale is bizarre to the extreme and would simply never work, that’s what I was pointing out. And to confidently say you don’t get any response on OLD because you’re a 6.5 and ‘women only want 8 and over’ is just absurd. And it kind of overlooks the fact that the person has a bad personality/attitude and that’s the problem!

And that’s what I was remarking on too - if you MUST be an 8 or over to get any replies then how on earth does anyone get any replies? Because surely an 8 or over would be the model/movie star type looks, not just an average man? So basically that poster is insisting women will only consider conventionally beautiful men who are literally as handsome as airbrushed film stars. It’s absurd.

We all have different types, but your main criteria of attractive, intelligent and good sex, is still the same criteria most people would be looking for. Unfortunately in men over a certain age, those things are not all that common, certainly not all of them together, and even when present can be accompanied by other undesirable traits such as old fashioned attitudes to women, being set in their ways, less energy and zest for life. If you consider the men in that age group you know, how many would tick all your boxes? And of those, how many are single?
Would you consider setting your target age lower?

Still PMSL at the "potatoes with eyes" comment upthread!
Looks certainly aren't everything, attraction is kind of useful though!

When I look around my group of friends, they look years better than their partners/husbands. Only upside is lack of maintenance means the men will probably die first, then we have decided a commune will work for us ladies,with a bar, a yoga studio and a few fwb arrangements :)

Was a bit tongue in cheek but yep, taking it to heart wouldn’t be healthy.

I know I’m a great catch!

Oh my, that ladies of a certain age commune sounds a great idea - I’d sign up for that in a heartbeat 😀

Can I put my name on the waiting list please…?

I think the bottom line is men have been sold a lie.
This is not a Hollywood movie directed by some sex pest pervert. In the real world women do not find older, fatter, balder, wrinkly, unkept men with ‘average’ abilities attractive.
Most women over 45 have children already (if they are going to have them), are solvent, have been in a crap relationship, have a sex drive and know their boundaries. They do not want to settle for ‘ a potato with eyes,’ fabulous description btw!
I can’t think of one single man alive over 45 who I would describe as a 10, not one. A 25 year old Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise yes but even he is now way down the scale.
Women are not sexually attracted to the average older man and that’s down to the men not keeping up.
I know a young man (20s) who has had a hair transplant as he was thinning on top. You cannot tell. Now it’s not for anyone else to tell you what to do but the reality is for most women baldness is not an attractive trait. Just like women spend money on looking good, whether it’s on clothes, make up, face and body creams, or whatever, men have that choice too.
Op- I would look for a younger man if I were you.
The other problem I’ve been told with older men is that unfortunately a lot of them have had second families with younger women. When, and it does tend to be when, the relationship breaks down they are then left with young children. Again a turn off for the majority of women who in reality do not want step kids. Their dcs are grown up, they certainly don’t want lumbering with young step kids.
Finally divorced women do not want someone who cannot clean their own home. I met a guy once who was intelligent and thoughtful. We went on several dates and had good conversations. Then I went to his house. Oh dear. It was unclean. Not for me, I’m not going down that route.

I feel very lucky! I find my DP attractive (he does have all his hair). That said I did date some bald men. I'm pretty low maintenance myself (I wear make up sometimes) but I don't do elaborate skincare routines, nails, waxing and all that palaver. One thing I love about DP is that we hang out in our baggy comfy clothes, we spend a lot of time outdoors hiking and camping in all weathers and neither of us is bothered too much by looks/grooming. When we wild camp we don't even shower 😁

But I agree, he is a fully functioning adult- he is clean, tidy, does all his own life admin, which I have to say was attractive.

I went to one man's house that was so disgusting. It was like something out of a channel 5 documentary. Urgh.

It was like something out of a channel 5 documentary

😂

To be honest most people above 45 look pretty average, a simple walk down your local high street will see that most folk are overweight and not in great shape, it is not just a male phenomenon. I guess if you want to meet more attractive people join a sports club where you will find the general attractiveness of people is higher.

OLD is a bit of gauntlet and sadly very much a numbers game, you have to wade through an awful lot of timewasters and bull shitters. Not sure if either sex has it 'easier' as such, if you are above average attractiveness and can put together a thoughtful and witty profile you will get some interest. As a bloke I read my fair share of hyper prescriptive women's profiles where their requirements insofar as height, income, hairline and weight were set out. Also got tired of seeing numerous photos that had been filtered to the point of being a CGI creation and people lying about their age. There are most definitely some lovely people out there, just takes a while to fine tune your radar so you find them.

So many problems with online dating I think. I know it does work for some, but for a great many of us, it doesn’t. The emphasis on looks. The whole swiping thing. The fact that a lot of men don’t even bother writing a profile - I mean, what use is a photo, especially if it’s a blurry one of them on some mountain/in a badly lit bathroom/standing next to some ludicrous car that may or may not be theirs.. actually, those photos ARE useful, as it’s an immediate no!

I used to like guardian soulmates. It could be a bit tree huggy, but not all we’re like that, and at least men tended to write something fairly descriptive, and there wasn’t this immediate pressure to decide yes or no right there or then. You could reread their bio, look at their photos more than once etc.

Really, all of it seems shit. And the lack of men in my age group makes it all seem a massive waste of time. Which probably needs to be better invested elsewhere!

Women are more requiring than men. That's not a criticism or a bad thing, but overall, it's just true. Men are generally happy with a nice looking woman who laughs at their jokes and is willing in bed (broke, middle-aged OLD idiots expecting 22 year old supermodels aside). Women need more.

As a bloke I read my fair share of hyper prescriptive women's profiles where their requirements insofar as height, income, hairline and weight were set out. Also got tired of seeing numerous photos that had been filtered to the point of being a CGI creation

It's interesting to hear it from the other side. From talking to men on OLD, there seem to be a lot of scam female profiles on there, as well as a lot of women using OLD to boost their soft porn Insta / Onlyfans followings. Are their a lot of angry female profiles too? There are a lot of angry male profiles - it's off putting but also disturbing to know that these angry men are walking around.

it's interesting to hear it from the other side. From talking to men on OLD, there seem to be a lot of scam female profiles on there, as well as a lot of women using OLD to boost their soft porn Insta / Onlyfans followings. Are their a lot of angry female profiles too? There are a lot of angry male profiles - it's off putting but also disturbing to know that these angry men are walking around.

There were plenty of scam profiles when I was OLD but you have to be pretty stupid not to spot the crap use of English and suspiciously overtly sexual stock photos.

Not sure what you mean by 'angry profiles'? I certainly received a few shitty messages when I did not reciprocate a 'like' on my profile which seemed like an odd way of dealing with things. I also remember seeing lots of very entitled attitudes where to put it bluntly very average looking/sounding women were demanding a huge list of must haves in a potential date that I would imagine reduce the pool of candidates to single digits. I generally ran a mile when I read the words 'I like the finer things in life'.

I occasionally checked out the competition and looked at the mens profiles and apart from the an odd obsession with recently caught fish photos, cropped out ex girlfriend photos and embarrassing 'look at me holding my gut in while trying to look athletic' photos they seemed to suffer from the same lazy habits that women's profiles had i.e. no photos and profile description that simply says 'hi' or 'message me if you want to know more' which were hardly a draw.

I’m male, yes to lots of scammers, they tend to use the kinda profile pics , so you get used to ignoring them.
I wouldn’t say angry female profiles, but some almost have a list of requirements making if feel more like a job application, I avoided those.

Pictures were a mixture lots were really good, but also lots of groups of drunk women, lots of holiday snaps when you were not sure which one you are looking for and lots & lots of stars, cat whiskers, bunny ears etc, all those are an instant no.

and a surprisingly high number of lazy female bios as well, lots of “no drama”, and “message me if you want to know anything “

lots & lots of stars, cat whiskers, bunny ears

I can't understand this one. I do see the odd male profile with this but think they are taking the piss out of the female profiles.

Recently caught fish isn't odd! Nothing conceals the beer gut like a strategically positioned carp.

The only angry replies i got were when a women would ask my height saying dont bother if you’re under 6ft and I’d reply 6.5 but i dont date women under 5.8.
there were some where i’d look at the photo’s/profile and wonder what exactly do you have to offer the tall handsome multi millionaire you are seeking?

and yes there are plenty of 50 something pot bellied pig eyed potato men but for everyone of them there is a 50 something woman with bingo wings, cankles with stretch marks/cellulite thrown in for good measure.

so i think old is equally full of great people and some absolute muppets regardless of sex

@DillonPanthersTexas

There are a lot of men on OLD who seem to really dislike women. Plus a lot of men who are clearly frustrated with OLD / dating. A list of "if you're a woman then do this or don't do that".

This thread has a selection of men and women who are frustrated with OLD but I'd hope that we wouldn't write what we've written in some of our comments on our profiles.

To me your profile should be the best of you. Not a list of moans and whinges.

The only angry replies i got were when a women would ask my height saying dont bother if you’re under 6ft and I’d reply 6.5 but i dont date women under 5.8.

😂