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Original poster

OLD - why’s it so much bloody easier for men?

255 replies

Olivemitteridge · 29/08/2022 16:23

More of a vent really, but a male friend of mine (we used to date but have been friends for a few years) has just told me he’s met someone.
He apparently signed up, and within a week, he’s met someone he likes and they’re now dating.

In contrast, I’ve been doing OLD on and off for 2 years, have probably had around 40 to 50 dates in that time, and although I’ve met some nice enough me, no spark and only a couple of second dates which came to nothing - one I realised I wasn’t keen and the other one ghosted me!

For context, we’re in our 50s, and he is very choosy, educated, attractive but quite set in his ways. So, he wouldn’t be just going for anyone, if that makes sense. He’s unlikely to go for someone younger either - he’ll be looking for someone similar to him, in their mid-50s.

It really feels unfair.

I am actually quite upset about it as I’d really like to meet someone and the choice seems so dire in my age group.

How do I stop feeling bitter?? Only half joking..,

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 03/09/2022 10:59

Kashmirsilver · 03/09/2022 10:53

This thread is proof, that posters don't want to accept being single forever. They find their lack of success frustrating, even hurtful.

What people fail to understand about apps is, that regulation or restricting ages-groups of people WILL mean fewer matches. That much is obvious.
Personally, I've used a Tinder passport and had the net spread far and wide. It's interesting the caliber of matches changes depending on where you are in the world.

Show quote history

Go on then, where are all the best matches? And where are the worst?

Autumnchills415 · 03/09/2022 11:23

I've not used old. I'm 34 and hoping I'll meet someone out and about. My 35 year old friends chatted to loads. Met around 4 guys. One was drunk on a walking date. One was messed up over his ex. One was staring in her eyes and giving her the ick. One ghosted her after 2 dates.

I tend to attract bad boys. Any men that have spoken to me since I became single are married and bored. . Wasters or dirty old men. Loads of kids they can't see with different girls or my personal favourite I've managed to talk to two late 30 year old, living in bedsits smoking pot all day including at work then in the evenings they Just chill alone. Have one of their kids on a Saturday and they liked to send me selfies of then top less walking the child to the park whilst they swag monster and have a fag hanging out their gob.
I often look at myself and think why do I not attract normal average people like myself. But I realise now they are already in relationships and I'm fishing in a pool full of 30 something year old men that have remained the same as their 18 year old selves and probably made every woman leave them due to their bad habits and rubbish attitudes.

5128gap · 03/09/2022 11:24

J0y · 03/09/2022 10:43

Agree with you @5128gap My friend from school married a very ordinary man two decades older and she admitted after she divorced him that she felt he'd never leave her. That doesn't even work!! As a strategy to avoid being rejected it's not even fool proof as the older man can always find another young woman with a low self-esteem. There are plenty. Her Dad had cheated on her mum and in the end left her mum and her mum just collapsed and never got her sense of herself back. So sad, all she'd lost was one cheating bastard. She still had four adult DC and a lovely house, job, friends, sisters.

Anyway, my friend did divorce the older man, and I'm certainly not judging her, I wasted my youth on a man my own age but he was abusive. So we both had a ''journey'' (i know some hate this word!) to a healthier self-esteem but ran ourselves down in different ways.

I never wanted to be single forever as I love chatting to people in real life, but nobody approaches a 52 year old with romance in mind so it has been very ''freeing'' to radically accept being single forever.

I think your last paragraph pretty much sums up what men want us to believe.
Have you noticed that every time a thread appears with a woman saying she's finding it difficult to find a decent man, up pop the male posters to tell us how much interest older men get from younger women?
''See how attractive we older men are! See how much competition you have from younger women to win us!'
What really grinds my gears, is not only is this blatant BS for the vast majority of ordinary middle aged men, many of whom, quite frankly, would be lucky to find a woman of any age, never mind the mythical gorgeous 20 year old; but the not so subtle subtext that we should drop our standards, and be grateful to bag 'Mr Potato Head' with all his inadequacies, and count ourselves lucky.
I'm 53, and find men do approach with romance in mind. Sometimes it can simply be a matter of lifestyle, places you attend, opportunities available to meet people rather than an automatic 'sell by' date.

Kashmirsilver · 03/09/2022 11:40

ReneBumsWombats · 03/09/2022 10:59

Go on then, where are all the best matches? And where are the worst?

Show quote history

From Tinder my experience-2 yrs plus hundreds of dates-thousands of matches.
I'd say the UK and US were the worst. The UK in particular was shocking.

Europe including Baltics/Russia was by far the best looking. Across all age groups. IMHO
East Asians also like westerners too, they also seem to be by far the wealthiest, ambitious.

TorviShieldMaiden · 03/09/2022 12:16

Autumnchills415 · 03/09/2022 11:23

I've not used old. I'm 34 and hoping I'll meet someone out and about. My 35 year old friends chatted to loads. Met around 4 guys. One was drunk on a walking date. One was messed up over his ex. One was staring in her eyes and giving her the ick. One ghosted her after 2 dates.

I tend to attract bad boys. Any men that have spoken to me since I became single are married and bored. . Wasters or dirty old men. Loads of kids they can't see with different girls or my personal favourite I've managed to talk to two late 30 year old, living in bedsits smoking pot all day including at work then in the evenings they Just chill alone. Have one of their kids on a Saturday and they liked to send me selfies of then top less walking the child to the park whilst they swag monster and have a fag hanging out their gob.
I often look at myself and think why do I not attract normal average people like myself. But I realise now they are already in relationships and I'm fishing in a pool full of 30 something year old men that have remained the same as their 18 year old selves and probably made every woman leave them due to their bad habits and rubbish attitudes.

I don’t think meeting 4 men is enough to make a judgment. I chatted to lots of men, wheedled it down a bit and I went on a lot of first dates or meet ups for coffee. Some were utter dross, some were lovely but no chemistry. I do think it’s a numbers game.

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