OLD - why’s it so much bloody easier for men?

[Olivemitteridge]

More of a vent really, but a male friend of mine (we used to date but have been friends for a few years) has just told me he’s met someone.
He apparently signed up, and within a week, he’s met someone he likes and they’re now dating.

In contrast, I’ve been doing OLD on and off for 2 years, have probably had around 40 to 50 dates in that time, and although I’ve met some nice enough me, no spark and only a couple of second dates which came to nothing - one I realised I wasn’t keen and the other one ghosted me!

For context, we’re in our 50s, and he is very choosy, educated, attractive but quite set in his ways. So, he wouldn’t be just going for anyone, if that makes sense. He’s unlikely to go for someone younger either - he’ll be looking for someone similar to him, in their mid-50s.

It really feels unfair.

I am actually quite upset about it as I’d really like to meet someone and the choice seems so dire in my age group.

How do I stop feeling bitter?? Only half joking..,

I'm probably pretty typical in my overall preferences but the six foot rule, which seems to be everywhere, seems so odd to me. Are there really so many women who would discount a kind, good looking, emotionally available man because he's "only" 5'10? How many people can even tell the difference?

I think the average British woman is 5'4" and the average man 5'9"? Even if you prefer a man to be taller than you, as many women do, surely a five-inch difference should cut it?

I'm 5'7" and I've dated men from my height to 6'7". Of all the things that made differences between them, that was the last of all. Once met a bodybuilder who was shorter than I was but could still easily pick me up and swing me round.

I'm not so sure about scammer male profiles. There is the odd model good looking man but they look too preened and I'm outdoorsy. The model good looking ones are possibly the scammers but I swipe left because they look like they wouldn't want to get muddy 😂

I've never got the 6 foot thing either. I'm 5 ft 5 but my height preferences are open. Most men are going to be at least a bit taller than me.

Perhaps us lot on this thread are atypical of the majority of OLDers?

I'm not on OLD, I'm happily married. Just, the height thing is odd. I get wanting a man to be taller than you, but why is it essential that he be at least three inches taller than average?

There was a woman on here a few years ago who was impressed by her new guy's Porsche but nothing else, and when people suggested her priorities were skewed, she asked if we'd date a totally broke and unemployed loser. Probably not, but how did she think Porsche and bankrupt were the only two options?

I think its just a way of ruling out short men. My 5' 9" friend wanted someone at least her own height so specified 5' 9". She ended up on dates with some very short men who had exaggerated their height. Interestingly, she would also put that she was a size 10 on her profile, despite being a 14. She said that men used that as a 'rule' to filter out overweight women.

I'm not so sure about scammer male profiles. There is the odd model good looking man but they look too preened and I'm outdoorsy. The model good looking ones are possibly the scammers but I swipe left because they look like they wouldn't want to get muddy

You sound like me, I deliberately used photos of me on some windswept summit or in a muddy field somewhere to signal a certain outdoorsy vibe as I simply could not date some 'princessy' type who shit the bed at the prospect of a country walk. I recall a few profiles where the photos were clearly taken professionally in a studio, think black and white Breakfast at Tiffany's pound shop Audrey Hepburn type of thing, I could not help but think what a completely vanity driven narcissist.

Marilyn Monroe's contract for Some Like It Hot specified that it be shot in colour. However, she agreed to shooting in black and white after seeing how weird and ghoulish the drag makeup for Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon looked in colour. They clearly don't pass even in greyscale, but it was much more believable that they might be women than when they were in colour.

Bit of a hijack here...long time lurker, sometime poster but name changed for this...
To all the men - as a fat woman, should I just give up on OLD?
This is a genuine question - I'm pretty, intelligent, have my s**t together as the OLD men like to say...but I can't find anyone who wants to do more than ONS or at best FWB meaning they don't have to be seen with me in public ?

@ReneBumsWombats

Porsche would put me off. Possibly showing my age / hobbies but I'd be really impressed with a camper van 😂

I recall a few profiles where the photos were clearly taken professionally in a studio, think black and white Breakfast at Tiffany's pound shop Audrey Hepburn type of thing

If you Google online dating tips. One of the tips is to have professional photos taken because it makes you look like you are taking OLD seriously. They put me off too though. The male version is looking thoughtful over a coffee 😂. Still, beats holding a half dead fish, stroking a sedated tiger in a Thai zoo, standing next to someone else's super car I guess.

No need to give up, just be honest

like us shorter blokes (I’m 5’6” so my profile states that), you have to say what you are in the full knowledge it doesn’t pass muster for a lot of people.

i don’t put my Porsche on my profile though 😀

It was me who said the "potato with eyes" comment and I stand by it 😆
But to clarify the bald thing.. absolutely no issue with this, one of the men I was with in the last few years had no hair and was attractive. I meant in combination with big fat heads and bellies and hard skinned alcoholic bulbous red faces and bad teeth etc. Someone who looks after themselves and is bald can be very attractive.
But yeah hair plugs are a thing, it costs money just like all the stuff women spend to improve themselves.

I don’t think I ever saw a female profile from someone who disliked men, but some seem to have a few “Don’t message me if xxx”, comments, which is their choice, of course, but that’s an immediate swipe left with no second thoughts.

Oh and yes to the scams (I’d say 10% of profiles are based in Thailand), the filters (50% heavily filtered, or look like a cat), and the “are there any genuine men on here’l

Is filtered different from cat / bunny ears?

If you Google online dating tips. One of the tips is to have professional photos taken because it makes you look like you are taking OLD seriously

I think the professional photo shoot can backfire though. An awful lot of them just look really naff and a bit forced. Give me a simple natural shot with a big smile over an arthouse photo everytime.

Yep, the cat/bunny/random animal is an obvious “fun” filter but it’s so common it’s annoying.

there are filters that smooth out the skin, add a weird sheen to the pic and make the person look like a porcelain doll. Horribly fake and very common in seemingly all ages. I know what a late 40s woman looks like and it’s not that!

The cat/bunny ears often serve as the excuse for the filter. I.e. 'I'm not filtering this to hide all my imperfections, I'm just making myself look like a bunny because it's cute and amusing.'

Thanks for the honest reply...
You leave off your Porsche but do you include a fish pic & do you paddleboard 🤣🤣🤣

This was @FloydPepper

Is filtered different from cat / bunny ears?

I think heavily filtered just makes you dishonest as they are painfully obvious and in the more extreme cases you just look odd and alien like, bunny ears and kitten noses just tells me you have the maturity of a 12 year old.

No fish pics or paddle board pics I’m afraid. I see now why I’m not getting much luck 😀

I agree. I'd rather see pics of men out doing what they enjoy. It builds more of an all round sense of that person.

I actually got feedback from a couple of guys I was messaging saying they couldn't see me properly in my pics because I was wearing a hat (Snowdon trig point in March) or sunglasses (kayaking in the summer). So I added one of me at a wedding as well, it doesn't even look like day to day me because I've got hairdresser done hair, evening make up and a dress on. But I've had a lot more hits since I added that one.

Ahem, I quite like Paddleboarding. I find it quite therapeutic.

I’m not sure I would know a filtered picture if it bit me on the backside, but the cat whiskers / bunny ears effects are really common, they are the female equivalent of a fish photo, instant no.