OLD - why’s it so much bloody easier for men?

[Olivemitteridge]

More of a vent really, but a male friend of mine (we used to date but have been friends for a few years) has just told me he’s met someone.
He apparently signed up, and within a week, he’s met someone he likes and they’re now dating.

In contrast, I’ve been doing OLD on and off for 2 years, have probably had around 40 to 50 dates in that time, and although I’ve met some nice enough me, no spark and only a couple of second dates which came to nothing - one I realised I wasn’t keen and the other one ghosted me!

For context, we’re in our 50s, and he is very choosy, educated, attractive but quite set in his ways. So, he wouldn’t be just going for anyone, if that makes sense. He’s unlikely to go for someone younger either - he’ll be looking for someone similar to him, in their mid-50s.

It really feels unfair.

I am actually quite upset about it as I’d really like to meet someone and the choice seems so dire in my age group.

How do I stop feeling bitter?? Only half joking..,

"For women it's a sellers market"

By "women" do you mean under 30, beautiful, no children?

There are women on OLD who are 50, average looking, do men realise that they are women too.

That's the problem with these ridiculous "sellers market" mindset men.

They may be 50 qnd average but they are angry there aren't enough gorgeous 30 year olds to go round 😑

@J0y Most women will get some messages, though. Some interest, even if it’s from men in whom they have zero interest. Including older women.

Most men, unless they are extremely attractive, get no messages. Nada.

So, I think OLD can be tough for everyone.

Oh don’t get me wrong, I know quality is poor. It’s just quantity.

I have female friends doing it so see their experiences

He got lucky.

I got lucky, met dp in a few months, exh is moaning all the women are money grabbing, stupid or liars.

That’s a leap

ive done it a bit. Always looked around my own age. I’m not bad looking, can hold a conversation, a little on the short side, not badly off. I’m not one who messages anyone, I’ll be selective but it’s still around a 5% response rate and from what I understand that’s not unusual for blokes

Interesting thread.
I think in general women look after themselves better than men, obviously there are some exceptions.
Take the average 45 year old. Women take more of a pride in what they wear and and how they look.
Men often just throw anything on and don’t care for their skin/hair/teeth etc.
It might seem harsh but it’s true. There isn’t anything wrong with this but you are going to attract like for like.
2 of my close friends married younger, childless men. This is where it can seem unfair. Women very often do not want men with children. Men tend to not have as much choice.

You must be crazy if you think it's easy for men..

All online dating platforms are sausagefests full of desperate average men.. Only the top 10% best looking men get any traction on there. Women have a sweetshop mentality and are extremely picky, men have a scarcity mentality and swipe right on everything.

I know this because i've seen my female friends profile. Within minutes of signing up she has 99+ likes..

After a week of me being on Tinder i have about 9 likes.. 2 matches,
1 woman replies and ghosts me after 3 message and the other one didn't reply at all. 🤣

The thing is.. in real life i've always been known as quite good looking "handsome" "cute" and women do look and flirt. etc etc.. but on OLD i'm not good enough clearly.

I’ve been OLD for about a year and it is certainly not easy! But I think this thread proves that people are measuring success in different ways. I’m 40s female, divorced, kids, average looking and overweight and I could chat and have dates every day of the week if I wanted. Mostly with men looking for sex (with any woman going). But this is not success, I’ve dated drug users, rude pigs and very few men that I would consider potential partners. I have had a couple of relationships but also been ghosted, sent dick pics and had men be rude to me. Men may have fewer ‘hits’ but women are nicer and therefore have more success (in meeting decent people)!

I agree with PPs that ‘success’ is very subjective. I get attention on sites, but from men I have no interest in - generally because they’re either far older than me, or they are really unattractive (sorry, not being an arse but talking very overweight, terrible teeth, clearly they don’t look after themselves), or they’re ridiculously young, or they live bloody miles away, etc etc. I don’t really count these approaches as it’s just a scatter gun.

I’m basically looking for someone my age, who’s university educated (literally my only ‘criteria’), ideally a parent, who isn’t a wanker. I live in a city, not in the middle of nowhere.

Where are the decent 50 year olds? All dating 40 somethings?!

Very interesting comment,
when on old I was looking for women 45 -55, no younger children, not massively overweight ( I’m quite active, so that’s important to me & I’m rural, so need to drive), the number of matches was so low it was depressing.

I really doubt that OLD is easier for men. Seem to be a high percentage of females who are weighed down by resentment and negativity.

The "decent 50 year olds" are already married and probably have been for decades..

The others were rung out by divorce, let themselves go and spend their time in the pub growing their beer belly's.

There could be a handful of decentish men in their 50s but they'll probably not be very attractive and/or be university educated

I kind of fell out with a friend for a similar reason. It's pure luck I think 💭

A couple of dd's male friends were on OLD fof a while, they found it really awful (both early 30s, good jobs, reasonably good looking). They've given up with it and accept that if they meet someone that's fine otherwise they're just getting on with enjoying their lives.

Interestingly in the friendship group there are also a couple of nice young women who they're friends with but see them as their friends rather than as romantic partners.

The "decent 50 year olds" are already married and probably have been for decades.

Or they don't do OLD. I think a lot of single men at that age are basically settled into the single life. We have several long term batchelors as friends and they basically haven't been bothered since their 30s.

My DP is a decent 50 something year old dating a 40 something year old. Soz. I’m 42 and we have a 10 year age gap. I wasn’t actively looking for that, but it happened. I avoided anyone younger than 38 as I am dead certain I want no more dc.

And I did go on dates with some utter losers. I don’t think DP would say it was easier. He had about 5 dates in 5 years. I had that in 10 days.

Ha, no worries TorviShirldMaiden 😆

Out of interest, did you have younger children when you met your DP? I think some of the issue with the fifty somethings I’ve met is that their kids, if they have them, are grown up, and I have a 12 yr old. I’m not looking for any involvement from a new partner, but it can mean there are lifestyle differences.

I think I’m in a difficult demographic!

All the data suggests OLD is significantly harder for men. That isn't to say it's not a complete shit show for women though (unless you're looking for casual sex).

I agree with this:

Attractive, intelligent women are 10 a penny. Men, not so much. I haven't got any statistics to prove it. But I know its true Grin.

and the other poster who said many men can make it hard for themselves.

I am actively online dating and I swipe no to 90% of men as they are considerably older and take no care. when I switch over to look at women, I am stunned by their attractiveness and engaging bios. Can’t say the same for men - and that’s not because I am a lesbian!

I do feel sorry when i hear about OLD experiences nowadays. I had a fabulous time in my mid 30s and met lots of lovely men, but that was a very long time ago and there seems to have been a real shift since then. I don't know how people meet people nowadays.

"Attractive, intelligent women are 10 a penny" really? 😅

This won't go down well here but objectively speaking I'd say men are more likely to be better looking in their 40s and beyond than women because of biology.

Females have more estrogen and fat tissue in their bodies then men thus making them more prone to everything 'going south'. There's also the toll of childbirth that effects a womans body.

Men on the otherhand can still remain handsome and 'firm' bodied 40+ as long as they stay away from the beer and bad lifestyle.

On dating apps things may seem skewed and messed up because women obsess over using makeup and filters whereas men usually post up crappy looking natural selfies.

This won't go down well here but objectively speaking I'd say men are more likely to be better looking in their 40s and beyond than women because of biology

This is just demonstrably untrue.

@LiamNorfolk How many attractive successful single straight men do you know? I know two and I had to REALLY think about it.

I can name half a dozen attractive successful single straight women I know right off the top of my head. I suspect that’s the case for most people.

Here we go LiamNorfolk 🙄

No point even engaging with this nonsense

@Olivemitteridge I had a 8 and 11 yr old when we met. He doesn’t have children. That in itself has been a tricky dynamic to work with, but we are getting there!

Don't think this is true. I was dating a guy who despite being smart and very good looking barely got a response on OD in as many months.

I think it's easier for women. Both times I've joined OD I've met someone in a fortnight. Maybe I was just lucky.