Page 4 | OLD - why’s it so much bloody easier for men?

Olivemitteridge · 2022-08-29T15:23:41+00:00

More of a vent really, but a male friend of mine (we used to date but have been friends for a few years) has just told me he’s met someone. He apparently signed up, and within a week, he’s met someone he likes and they’re now dating. In contrast, I’ve been doing OLD on and off for 2 years, have probably had around 40 to 50 dates in that time, and although I’ve met some nice enough me, no spark and only a couple of second dates which came to nothing - one I realised I wasn’t keen and the other one ghosted me! For context, we’re in our 50s, and he is very choosy, educated, attractive but quite set in his ways. So, he wouldn’t be just going for anyone, if that makes sense. He’s unlikely to go for someone younger either - he’ll be looking for someone similar to him, in their mid-50s. It really feels unfair. I am actually quite upset about it as I’d really like to meet someone and the choice seems so dire in my age group. How do I stop feeling bitter?? Only half joking..,

Lpc3 · 30/08/2022 09:20

In my experience men just need one qualifier to swipe right and women need only one disqualifier to swipe left. For instance a man may see a nice smile and that would be enough to swipe right. Women could see a lot of positives in a profile but there may be one firm disqualifier (pictured holding a fish etc) and they swipe left. This causes a massive disparity in the number of matches men and women receive (I believe women swipe right around 5% of the time at most whereas men swipe right around 50%).

I haven't noticed this being so much of a thing in real life.

Anyway as always my recommendation to both men and women is to get off the apps and find someone in real life.

ShelfyMcShelfface · 30/08/2022 09:23

I read something similar and did an experiment. I swiped right on every profile. Within a day I had 260 matches. I'm female.

CookPassBabtridge · 30/08/2022 09:34

Sorry @LiamNorfolk but myself and others on here are on this side of it, looking at mens profiles, most men after 45/50 look awful.. bad teeth, no hair, crusty face, big bellies.. most of them look the same.. like a potato with eyes. And they expect a beautiful woman. Both men and women need to look after themselves to stay attractive, and women tend to put more effort in to that.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 30/08/2022 10:06

CookPassBabtridge · 30/08/2022 09:34

Sorry @LiamNorfolk but myself and others on here are on this side of it, looking at mens profiles, most men after 45/50 look awful.. bad teeth, no hair, crusty face, big bellies.. most of them look the same.. like a potato with eyes. And they expect a beautiful woman. Both men and women need to look after themselves to stay attractive, and women tend to put more effort in to that.

What is issue with no hair, ? No amount of exercise will make your hair grow back !

Cherchezlaspice · 30/08/2022 10:10

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I agree with that. I don’t get why ‘no hair’ is being put in the same pile as ‘big belly and crusty teeth’. They can’t exactly do anything about it however much effort they put in. And - as a millennial who grew up watching Bruce Willis and Jason Statham - a hot bald man is still a hottie.

ShelfyMcShelfface · 30/08/2022 10:22

Make entitlement is there in all its glory on OLD.

50 year old, overweight, scruffy men with carelessly written profiles expect a beautiful, young woman as a girlfriend. They haven't put a thought into what they can offer these women (or any women) and then they get angry when they don't get what they want.

I'd agree that OLD is easier for those men who are attractive and / or witty. So maybe the top 20% on there.

I'd also agree that bald isn't an issue.

I think that the top 20% of men also aren't stupid and sexist enough to think they can get a young hottie either and are more realistic about who they contact. They still seem to want 5 years, or so, younger though.

TorviShieldMaiden · 30/08/2022 10:31

I matched with some weirdos, and saw some awful profiles. But I also met some lovely men, more than just my DP. One, I actually stayed friends with as we got on so well, but I had just met DP and decided to exclusively date him.

I'm not sure how I would meet someone in real life. I work full time and have my dc 50% of the time. All my friends are married with children, so weekends are their family time. I found lockdown made this worse, and still occasionally get lonely of adult company (I wfh, so no bustling office.)

A friend of mine met her now DH in her 50s on match.

Original poster

Olivemitteridge · 30/08/2022 12:05

Agree with much that’s been written on here.

Common sense says it’s a numbers game as lots of people say, but it is so dispiriting. If I have a break from OLD, I come back to it thinking it can’t be that bad, maybe I’m just being ‘fussy’, but no, I’m not, the choice in my age group just isn’t there.

Meeting someone in real life would be great - I get it - but how, exactly? My work is v female dominated. I work FT. I’m a LP to a 12 yr old. I don’t want to join a running club/climbing group/choir,, and would struggle to fit that in as they’re usually early evening.

I’m simply looking for an intelligent, reasonably educated man age 48-58, who lives within 20 miles of me, to go out with, have lovely sex with, and the odd weekend away. How hard can it be??!!

OP posts:

ShelfyMcShelfface · 30/08/2022 12:10

Olivemitteridge · 30/08/2022 12:05

Agree with much that’s been written on here.

Common sense says it’s a numbers game as lots of people say, but it is so dispiriting. If I have a break from OLD, I come back to it thinking it can’t be that bad, maybe I’m just being ‘fussy’, but no, I’m not, the choice in my age group just isn’t there.

Meeting someone in real life would be great - I get it - but how, exactly? My work is v female dominated. I work FT. I’m a LP to a 12 yr old. I don’t want to join a running club/climbing group/choir,, and would struggle to fit that in as they’re usually early evening.

I’m simply looking for an intelligent, reasonably educated man age 48-58, who lives within 20 miles of me, to go out with, have lovely sex with, and the odd weekend away. How hard can it be??!!

OLD is a business. Aimed at making a profit. It isn't supposed to work for most people, otherwise they'd have no customers. I do hear of some people meeting on there but think they are the lucky few.

I think you need to get out there somehow OP. Your DC is 12, so ok to leave on their own for a couple of hours? How about an evening class?

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 30/08/2022 12:21

Olivemitteridge · 30/08/2022 12:05

Agree with much that’s been written on here.

Common sense says it’s a numbers game as lots of people say, but it is so dispiriting. If I have a break from OLD, I come back to it thinking it can’t be that bad, maybe I’m just being ‘fussy’, but no, I’m not, the choice in my age group just isn’t there.

Meeting someone in real life would be great - I get it - but how, exactly? My work is v female dominated. I work FT. I’m a LP to a 12 yr old. I don’t want to join a running club/climbing group/choir,, and would struggle to fit that in as they’re usually early evening.

I’m simply looking for an intelligent, reasonably educated man age 48-58, who lives within 20 miles of me, to go out with, have lovely sex with, and the odd weekend away. How hard can it be??!!

I think some of this is down to timing and also location, im a man and was basically looking for the female version of what you are looking for, at the time I was on OLD there were very few women matching those kind of values within 20 or 30 miles of new ( a few if I went to 60 miles, lots at 100 miles).
met someone IRL now, so all good

ShelfyMcShelfface · 30/08/2022 12:31

I think, due to age and having a smalll DC I'm not in the top 20% either. I'm on there but half arsed about it. I don't need a provider. I'd just like some male company and sex with a man I find attractive. I don't want a Dad for DD, she's got one. I can provide for myself.

I feel you OP. I'm going to make more of an effort to mix in new circles and see if I can meet someone by expanding my social circle.

abbey44 · 30/08/2022 12:38

I’d met someone IRL (an old flame) and thought I’d found my happy ever after, but sadly he died a couple of years ago and I’m back on OLD at the grand(not) old age of 64. Looking in the category above yours - the 58-68 - is even more bloody depressing. Those 50-somethings who mistakenly thought they were God’s gift are even less appealing ten years on, and strangely enough, even more entitled. I think I have a reasonably young outlook, keep myself in reasonable shape, but dear God, all I can see is the bottom of the barrel. Im. It quite sure what the answer is.

zonky · 30/08/2022 12:39

@Olivemitteridge
@ShelfyMcShelfface

It sounds like a FWB arrangement to me, why don't you go on Fabswingers? There's plenty of men who'd be willing to provide a "boyfriend" experience with some /a lot of sex thrown in? It sounds like you don't really want a committed relationship.

YouAreNotBatman · 30/08/2022 12:39

Cherchezlaspice · 30/08/2022 10:10

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I agree with that. I don’t get why ‘no hair’ is being put in the same pile as ‘big belly and crusty teeth’. They can’t exactly do anything about it however much effort they put in. And - as a millennial who grew up watching Bruce Willis and Jason Statham - a hot bald man is still a hottie.

Hair plugs is a thing.
No biggie.
And not everyone finds bald men attractive (and they don’t have to/doesn’t make them shallow).

SingleMum7 · 30/08/2022 12:48

So I’ve met a guy whose 12 years younger than me. He’s 44 - I didn’t ask him but he just said at his recent birthday. He’s never asked me my age and so I’ve never said. Now after 5 months I feel awkward saying it. Should I make a point of mentioning it or just leave it until it’s brought up?

jl2879 · 30/08/2022 12:51

Can I ask what OLD stands for?

ShelfyMcShelfface · 30/08/2022 12:55

zonky · 30/08/2022 12:39

@Olivemitteridge
@ShelfyMcShelfface

It sounds like a FWB arrangement to me, why don't you go on Fabswingers? There's plenty of men who'd be willing to provide a "boyfriend" experience with some /a lot of sex thrown in? It sounds like you don't really want a committed relationship.

Maybe I forgot to point out that I'm not after a sex pest. There are plenty of those on Tinder 😂.

Tactile, physical, good kissers get an immediate left.

zonky · 30/08/2022 12:57

ShelfyMcShelfface · 30/08/2022 12:55

Maybe I forgot to point out that I'm not after a sex pest. There are plenty of those on Tinder 😂.

Tactile, physical, good kissers get an immediate left.

Show quote history

Ok, but ask yourself truthfully, are you in a position to offer anything more than some physical intimacy? The level of commitment you're describing is quite low and would be more akin to something casual

FloydPepper · 30/08/2022 12:59

This thread isn’t helping my self esteem 😀

I struggle to get old responses. Perhaps I’m bottom 20% after all….

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 30/08/2022 13:07

FloydPepper · 30/08/2022 12:59

This thread isn’t helping my self esteem 😀

I struggle to get old responses. Perhaps I’m bottom 20% after all….

Get off the app, they will kill your mental health and self esteem

Cherchezlaspice · 30/08/2022 13:07

YouAreNotBatman · 30/08/2022 12:39

Hair plugs is a thing.
No biggie.
And not everyone finds bald men attractive (and they don’t have to/doesn’t make them shallow).

Show quote history

Hair plugs tend to look terrible.

And it’s fine not to find bald (or any other attribute) men attractive. I just don’t think baldness can be lumped in with poor hygiene or a lack of fitness as an example of men not taking care of themselves. Which was the case upthread.

Original poster

Olivemitteridge · 30/08/2022 13:13

ShelfyMcShelfface · 30/08/2022 12:55

Maybe I forgot to point out that I'm not after a sex pest. There are plenty of those on Tinder 😂.

Tactile, physical, good kissers get an immediate left.

Show quote history

Oh god yes - the moment I see tactile written on a profile, I think oh no, yuk. Reads as sex pest/desperate. I like sex, and it’s very important to me, but why write that 🙄

OP posts:

ShelfyMcShelfface · 30/08/2022 13:15

@zonky

Are you one of those tactile, physical, good kissers from Tinder 😂?

Actually I am in a position to offer more than sex. I'm also not willing to offer just sex.

Original poster

Olivemitteridge · 30/08/2022 13:17

ShelfyMcShelfface · 30/08/2022 12:31

I think, due to age and having a smalll DC I'm not in the top 20% either. I'm on there but half arsed about it. I don't need a provider. I'd just like some male company and sex with a man I find attractive. I don't want a Dad for DD, she's got one. I can provide for myself.

I feel you OP. I'm going to make more of an effort to mix in new circles and see if I can meet someone by expanding my social circle.

I hear you ShelfyMcShelfface. Increasingly, I think this is where it’s at. In real life, that is. So many people seemed turned off OLD, for good reasons - and I agree it’s not in the platform’ interests for too many people to pair off, otherwise where’s the ££.

Increasing your social circle takes time but ultimately more fulfilling I guess. Does feel a bit like another mountain to climb though, on top of all life’s other tasks 😂

OP posts:

Kanaloa · 30/08/2022 13:33

Cherchezlaspice · 30/08/2022 00:07

@Kanaloa I've always wondered that! So, this chap is claiming to be a 6.5/10 on a scale on which Idris Elba is about a 10, yes? Yet he has no success with women because he’s not attractive enough?

Do these people even know how scales work? As the maths ain’t mathing. 😂

@Cherchezlaspice

Well, I don’t know - I’d say even Idris is a 9.5 because nobody can truly be a 10 because a 10 would be utter perfection, like perfect from head to toe and inside and out. So this guy is a self proclaimed 6.5 (and rating yourself loses at least half a point, so a 6) on a scale where Idris is a 9.5. So what the fuck does a 2 look like?