He’s asked for a test ???

[Blanketyi]

We broke up in pregnancy and as I’m approaching my due date, I have been in touch to ask about arrangements and finance/if he wants involvement. We are not married.

On Monday I get a letter from solicitors saying he wants a paternity test which he will pay for and that if he is the father he will want to be notified of the birth and on the certificate. Also says if he is the father he will then engage in care and finance arrangements afterwards. Do you think this is his way of getting me to do paternity and he has no intention of engaging further? It’s so insulting as there’s absolutely no way he’s not the father and he is a paranoid type but this seems extreme. I’m sad.

If married, the law will consider the husband the father of the child unless he repudiates that child. So no choice there really (if you knew the DC was your lover's then yes it can also be registered that way, but only if lover attends or makes a Stat Dec)

An unmarried woman cannot name a father unless that man accompanies her to the appointment and consents, or she has a Statutory Declaration affirming paternity. An unaccompanied unmarried woman with no Stat Dec cannot name a father, whether or not she knowns who it is.

OP @38daystogo and @Stravaig
have both helpfully added to my post.

Talk to a solicitor now to allay your fears and to know where you stand legally with dealing with your child's father once your child is born.

They should tell you to keep it completely out of Court as it makes both your life and your child's life easier going forward.

As you can only both act after your child is born do not bother engaging with your ex until then. Ignore all correspondence and messages, and don't contact him at all. In fact make sure all of his calls go to voicemail now. Don't answer private numbers unless you are expecting a phone call. Block him on all messaging apps. Just leave each other well alone.

Then about 5 days after your child is born inform him they exist. Do not get into any further discussion with him including about your child's names. Once you have registered the birth inform him of your child's names. (Do not give the child his last name but be willing to double barrel later if requested.) Then start engaging and agreeing things from there.

As another poster has written you can choose to move away now before your child is born, but think very carefully about doing this if it is the other side of the country.

Remember you will have at least 18 years of further engagement with your child's father. Some men are shit partners but good fathers. You won't know which until your child is a few years old.

This exactly..

A solicitors letter doesn't strike me as someone who wants to be reasonable and co parent.

Also do bear in mind you should put a claim to CMS as soon as baby is born.. it won't be backdated.

I also would be offended unless there is any history of cheating.. I would be upset.. no idea why people can't see that.

"You do realise that all child related benefits are paid REGARDLESS of whether the father is named on birth certificate and REGARDLESS of whether he pays maintenance?!?!

So yes, the state takes responsibility IF NEEDED - regardless of whether the father does or not! 🙄"

@ThePumpkinPatch you're missing the point - I'm saying that if the father is known there should be a legal framework (not the useless CMS) which requires him to be financially involved. The taxpayer should never have to take the financial place of a father - the baby has two parents and both should be financially responsible for the child - the mother should not be able to choose to "cut ties" and "not have him involved" - he should always be financially involved regardless of contact or PR. Men are constantly getting away with putting women and children in a precarious financial situation, and some women are facilitating that.

@ProbablyPossiblyPerhaps you seem to have missed a key point. If it goes to court the father will be able to have legal access to his own child. OP needs to seek advice because its worrying that she seems to think she may have the upper hand as the mother well that may not be the case if the dad takes her to court and uses a very good solicitor. This isn't some type of game FFS it's a baby at stake all the dad needs is a C.A.O which is legal binding. So the BC is neither here or there!

38daystogo if he takes her to court. That's a big if. The birth certificate isn't "neither here nor there" and op and any single mother need to think carefully about whether giving the specific absent father in question parental rights just because he highhandedly instructs her to in a solicitors letter.

*about whether giving the specific absent father in question parental rights is wise.

You don't know though do you. You can't assume he won't to fit your own narrative.

Its not cheap to use a solicitor im speaking from personal experience are you? I'm not here to argue I'm just sharing with OP and I wouldn't want her to be misinformed.

I will say it again to be clear a C.A.O overrides a BC! OP will have no choice to engage with the courts how can she actually ask why she would have to comply.... Jesus Christ. It's the bloody law for a start.

38daystogo she didn't ask why she'd have to comply with a court order in the way you're suggesting - she asked why she'd have to comply and he wouldn't ! Rather a different question.

You're essentially implying that single women should do whatever the absent fathers of their children tell them to - just in case those men take them to court.

If he gets a CAO and you don't comply he can take you to Court for enforcement action. It doesn't work the other way round.

However if you keep it out of Court completely them you don't have that risk.

Also one reason why he is using a solicitor is because he is scared of you. He may have relatives, friends, colleagues and/or acquaintances who are separated from the mother of their children so are warning him about things.

It's fair for the paternaty test but you don't have to include him on the birth certificate unless you want to.

Of he is the legal father he will have to pay child support anyway

No we are telling her to get proper legal advice and to keep away from him until her child is born. They are no longer in a relationship with one another and until the child is here, there is no point in them torturing each other with contact.

Oh and I post frequently on the step-parenting board. I have personally seen good and bad behaviour from adults who separate with children.

No I am not. You are assuming. I have stated and try to advise that court isn't a game because tbh it does appear OP thinks it is (Sorry but it's how it read to me). I've given a fair opinion and we don't agree on the BC however I was merely pointing out to you .... that a BC doesn't hold more weight over a C.A.O OP seems unfamiliar and from your comment so do you. Some comments on here are quite petti.... the Courts are not interested in squabbles they are merely interested in the child's best interests!

Say yes, and do the birth certificate before the results are back. Having someone who will be difficult on there makes getting a passport and absolute pain in the arse

He can go to court and asked to be put on the birth certificate later.

That part isn't hard to do and as he already has engaged a solicitor he will be expecting the child to be registered first without his name on the birth certificate.

Also he while he can ask for a DNA test now until the baby is born the OP can ignore him otherwise he is invading and controlling the OP's body.

Let him have the test. It’s the safest way to ensure he is financially involved for the future. We are talking about university etc etc. It’s a long term commitment. So don’t blame him and no uncertainty in the future.

IF you feel the need to reply, just say you will contact the CMA after the birth and they will organise (his expense if positive) a paternity test if he so wishes

You know that can be all bullshit too

plus @Blanketyi has stated he’s an alcoholic and might want to hide his money as she doesn’t trust him.