I’m being used for sex…but in too deep now!

[Remoteclockface]

First thing first, I’m a terrible person because I had an affair - but still asking for advice!

I met a guy, started an affair at the very end of a LTR. I ended my relationship and kept the affair (affair is married too).

I’ll be honest OM was everything I needed after a very long crappy relationship. He was affectionate, listened to me, we went on dates, had (really good) sex, held hands when out, text everyday…but he is married (we don’t have kids).

I didn’t tell him me and Partner separated as I didn’t want him to think I wanted a relationship with him because I absolutely do no, he is a (serial) cheat after all!

Thing is…I have got deep feelings for OM and clearly for him it’s about sex…I want the sex and the nice bits but he is often distant and I really struggle with it…

How the hell do I get out of this mess?????

You stop seeing him because he's a skanky cheat.

You stop seeing him. Block him. Go cold turkey.

I know…but Iv ‘caught feelings’ as the kids say 🤦‍♀️

Get a vibrator and dump him. If you have one already get a better one.

Just stop.

He isn’t the only one in the world with a penis

Thankfully you’re not a kid and can choose how to deal with your feelings.

Haha I do have one…

So? Break up with him.and don't see him and they'll go away again.

Stop seeing him. Block him.

You're no better than he is to be fake.

*fair

Do the Freedom Programme you need to see the red flags for next time. Being alone is better than being with a cunt

Just end it.

There are plenty of single guys who you can have good sex and nice dates with. He probably goes home, has a nice sleep and then shags his wife and takes her for dinner the following day. You’re settling for sloppy seconds.

You need to work on your self esteem.

Crikey, tell it how it is…honest I need to hear it!

Christ, it’s true.

I knew this going into it and no idea why I let it progress…I am under no illusions he ‘loves his wife’ as he says he does! Although I’m not sure how much if he is also seeing me, but there we are 🙄

Totally get that…

You know how to get out of it, you jist don’t want to. So what’s the point of this?

I know I could block him…but I don’t know how to actually get over him.

it’s even weirder that I have just ended a LTR and am already over it as my ex partner was a total red flag and I’d been planning to leave for about a year…

You can finish it any time you want. So why don’t you?

Well it's going to hurt but, that's life. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. Face short term suffering so that in the long term we can be happy.

Break ups hurt. Liking people who don't like us back hurts. But part of being a grown up is facing those things - and making the healthy choices anyway.

You'll get through it.

Because (being a cheating sleaze bag aside) OM is everything I think I want in a guy.

we have similar interests and get on like a house on fire!

‘Caught feelings’?

Probably fortunate that is all you’ve ‘caught’.

He's not using you for sex though is he. Your both enjoying the sex and he has no clue that you have feeling for him.

Affair aside, I’m not a compete idiot to have unprotected sex with him.

But feelings apparently running rampant 🤦‍♀️

This is a very good point.

Although I have dropped some subtle hints at my feelings such as saying I love spending time with him - we have gone out and not had sex - but this is much rarer!

Im just pretty sure he would run a mile if I told him - hence my dilemma. Do I cut my losses and block him? Or continue for the mutual benefit of what we have?

Value yourself better.

You already know you're definitely not the only one. Men like him? Chances are you're one of many holes he warms his cock in, and that's how he sees you. Is that really all you want for yourself? To be a penis warmer for a scumbag?

If it helps, I know a serial cheater personally. He proudly nicknames the women he sleeps with by the physical qualities of their vaginas, and discusses them in depth with his friends. So. Would you still "have feelings" if you knew he referred to you, to his entire friend group, as Flappy? Drippy? Filet o' fish?