I’ve stolen her retirement plans (apparently).

[Sparrownest1]

In my late 50s and in a lovely relationship, DP and I have sports and hobbies in common and have made some great adventure travel plans. His XW tells everyone that I’ve stolen her retirement and now she can’t afford to do any of the things she was looking forward to. He had asked her to do many of these things but she just didn’t want to join him or be involved in his retirement dreams, so in the end this was part of the reason he left. I feel like I’m being made out to be a terrible person and don’t know if there is anything I can do.

Their eyes met across a canoe...

😂

But that’s not stealing, that’s the deal when you get married, some assets move to being shared.

If you don’t want sharing of assets then you probably shouldn’t marry.

You seem to have some issues going on.

There’s nothing wrong with someone divorcing, at any age, and the ex would have received a fair settlement from the courts.

It sounds like she also had several decades of freeloading, but having taken advantage for years doesn’t give her the right to continue being kept for life.

I think that you are projecting a bit there based on your own circumstances.

Whatever lay behind your own marriage failing you’ve no reason to take it out on others.

quote 1: It sounds like she also had several decades of freeloading

the irony of accusing someone of projecting. Did you also stick your finger in someone else's pie @StillGoingStrongToday

Me, no I’m very happily married to a wonderful man who was single before.

What happened in your case, your husband just realised he could do better?

Oh come on, it's getting nasty now.

I’m very happily married to a decent man who had other relationships before me. Bit defensive but at least you are still going strong today no matter the adversity. I'll give you a 👏 to keep you both strong 🙃.

You haven't stolen her retirement plans as, from what I've read, their marriage was over and they were divorced before you two got together.

Her marriage breaking down changed her plans so she could direct that animosity towards your partner but not you.

She needs to focus on making her future a better one and stop with any negativity as it's only really her that will suffer as you both seem to be enjoying your life !

completely excellent advice if the situation is as you perceive it.

You seem to have some issues going on

I do....
It's called issues of integrity whereby I'd never surplant a woman in a long standing marriage.

It sounds like she also had several decades of freeloading, but having
taken advantage for years doesn’t give her the right to continue being
kept for life

Blimey what a comment, have you got issues
Imposter syndome maybe ?

and a thread summary, OW feeling her reputation is now becoming an issue as she happily rafts/cave dives/ treks/ CANOES/ and even an ould mad sky dive thrown in with her madly wealthy new partner and wants the segue into togetherness to be flawless. How to get rid of the annoying toadiness who brought up his wonderful children who she also hopes to do the above with. Lesson people, some people are so self serving and ignorant and unaware... that

What she thinks is none of your business.

What the fuck is going on with this thread?

Two or three posters are ganging up on the OP, having decided she’s the other woman and so have decided they’re free to be as insulting as they so desire? MNHQ do something will you, this is messed up.

I can absolutely hear my DH and his brother in this reasoning.
I don't like my ex sil but she has had her retirement stolen but then she also doesn't have to tolerate my bil so I hope that makes up for it.
Both brothers have prioritised themselves, splitting up plays into this. Responsible for the kids only every other weekend at most, grand parents often involved means plenty of time for adventures.
DH has already started rewriting the past and we are still together.
I've mostly done the grunt work, DH will surely say he loves camping but he loves the uncomplicated camping pre kids. He hated the group sport family camping, would either not come or cut his days down. He has been an miserable companion at music festivals but I can totally imagine him trying out a different version in the future, becoming a new him, a better him. I am just too easy and I know to much.
So my retirement without him would be different, money through career and well timed inheritance will enable him to go to Cuba, book a last minute holiday without a million considerations on pets, kids and work. Go camping on Bodmin by motorbike because a grown child can watch the dog and it will be all about him.

Good grief there’s a hell of a lot of projection and nastiness towards the OP here. What is wrong with people? You can divorce someone for any reason you know. And dreams that aren’t shared is a pretty good reason, you only live once after all.

How miserable it must have for her DH and the kids when the kids were growing up and he was taking them on fun activities but their mum was refusing to join in. Who can blame him for wanting to spend his retirement with someone who would do those things with him.

And if as OP says the financials for the divorce were settled properly XW would’ve got half his pension, or the financial equivalent thereof.

It’s odd that she’s complaining about missing out on the kind of retirement she didn’t even want. Surely her kids and close friends would realise that? You need to try and ignore it OP and crack on with enjoying your retirement. You sound better suited to your DH than his first wife ever was.

You’re free to think what you like. Some of us believe in marriage, commitment & integrity. Some of us care about how others feel & the consequences of our choices on others. I’m sorry if that offends you.

There is no ganging up, heavens forbid that you can't see the reality of the OP. A person who wants their ego built back up by others online after a peculiarly nasty affair and then I would suggest you are perhaps too naiive for the oul 'tinterweb'.

Eh? I’m not a sock puppet you goon.

I settled for the house outright, including the mortgage responsibility, instead of a share of his pension, as I wouldn't have wanted to be accepting anything from him in my retirement years. My pension is smaller than it would have been had I paid into it during childbearing years, but thank God that I am not now sharing my 'retirement plans' with a hypochondriac, self aggrandising liar, like the now long suffering ow.
But I know I was very lucky (had a better lawyer) and this was 30 years ago, things seem to be done differently now.

Exactly. I feel sorry for her to be honest. She may have given up loads to raise their kids while he earned money (for example obviously I don't know their personal circumstances). It's not your fault of course but show some compassion.