I’ve stolen her retirement plans (apparently).

[Sparrownest1]

In my late 50s and in a lovely relationship, DP and I have sports and hobbies in common and have made some great adventure travel plans. His XW tells everyone that I’ve stolen her retirement and now she can’t afford to do any of the things she was looking forward to. He had asked her to do many of these things but she just didn’t want to join him or be involved in his retirement dreams, so in the end this was part of the reason he left. I feel like I’m being made out to be a terrible person and don’t know if there is anything I can do.

What business is it of hers?

How do you know she is saying these things? Who is telling you?

If its him, I would wonder what his motivation is for telling you.

I think best ignore her

I feel like I’m being made out to be a terrible person and don’t know if there is anything I can do.

Like what??

Are you friends with her?

Don't think about it.
Presuming they were split up before he met you if anything he took her retirement plans away.

It's just boring now when women blame other women for what is clearly, again, if anything the man's fault or perhaps even her own fault.

Who cares what she thinks. Enjoy your adventures.

Maybe that’s how she feels if her DP left against her will and began a relationship with you more quickly than she can comfortably cope with. She might not be right, but if she’s hurting and you’re having a lovely relationship and enjoying life, just quietly let her get on with it.

What can you do?

Enjoy your retirement with your do of course!

His XW tells everyone that I’ve stolen her retirement and now she can’t afford to do any of the things she was looking forward to.

when everyone tells you this, what do you say?
perhaps tell them you had no idea what her retirement plans were and you have yours already planned out from before you met dp

Not exactly everyone , she hasn't told me yet

Who’s passing on these messages? Cos they can shut up for a start. Ultimately, if they had different aims, there was no future for them.

😂She hasn't told me either 😂

I feel a bit sorry for his ex as it must be difficult if you've been married for a long time, expecting it to be till death us do part and then suddenly had the rug pulled from under you. Also you've only got his word for it that she didn't want to join in any of his retirement plans or dreams. A lot of men do rewrite history somewhat when they move on.

There is nothing you can do about it though, except ignore all the comments and carry on enjoying your own life and relationship.

I’d try not to worry and limit your exposure to her thoughts on you and your plans. It may be understandable if she feels the rug has been pulled out from under her a bit but it’s not your problem basically.

Tell her your planning a round-the-world cruise before looking at holiday homes!

I assume there was an overlap?

Is yours a new relationship? It sounds as if all these plans your partner is making with you; he's already made with her?

Does she have a point?

Come on OP. There's clearly more to this story.

I guess his children know she really wasn’t interested in doing any of these things and other than telling them where we are going we can keep our plans to ourselves.

Well if we did he wouldn’t be paying for me as I was planning to do most of it myself anyway!

Why are you sharing all these plans with his children?

You can send her post cards, and copies of the nice pictures of the two of you together enjoying yourselves in far-off places.

That way she gets to feel as though she’s part of it, rather than feeling upset.

You get to feel good too, knowing that while you are enjoying a Caribbean sunset in your lover’s arms you are also cheering up his ex as she goes about her shopping at Aldi.

Were you the OW?

What a shitty thing to even think of.

Why do I feel like you were her best friend and copped off with her husband?