Bumble

[Ellena646]

Hi,

so I met my partner on Bumble and we both were talking to other people for a few weeks before we came off, at which point it said our home town as the last location. He's just gone away and because we are going through a bit of a rough patch, I checked and his location has changed to the place where he is currently staying. Does this mean he's been on the app? I'm rubbish with this stuff... how do the apps work regarding locations?

Good decision OP. Give him a wide berth when he inevitably comes back professing undying love, it is part of the cycle. Stay strong and maybe join the wise women on the dating thread here.

There's a dating thread? That sounds like a good move... His location is now showing where he caught the plane from, he's a busy boy...I am quite fuming now

Maybe delete the match from bumble so you don't torment yourself and block him on your phone so he can't get in touch.

I think you've made the right decision and are better off without him....sounds like he's def been up to no good.

However, for future reference (when you meet someone lovely), as a previous bumble user I think the frequency at which the location updates depends upon your settings.

I dont have dating apps at all so I can't remember the exact wording but if you look at the bumble app in your phones settings then location, there are various options: don't allow; allow when using; always allow (I'm paraphrasing)

If you select "don't allow" the app doesn't work
If you select "allow while using" it will only update when you're active
If you select "always allow" it continually updates in the background (I believe)

I doubt this explains your bf's scenario as you've said it's not been changing til now so I'm guessing he doesn't have "always allow"

Anyway, I think this is a red herring as he sounds like a dick and you're better off without him regardless of his bumble activity. Just wanted to share in case you do meet someone lovely on bumble and fall into the habit of checking their location and accusing them unfairly

He now claims that he opened the app because Bumble was sending him lots of spam emails – which he has showed me – and that he panicked and lied incase I thought he was cheating. He has offered the passwords of his dating apps so that I can read them, and to delete them all in front of me....

He's a right clown

Don't stoop to his level

He shouldn't have had the app in the first place (he lied about deleting it).
You do not need to go onto the app to stop spam emails- you remove yourself from the mailing list.
I'm afraid he's still lying and has had some time to think that one up.

Apparently you have to go into the App and go to notification settings to stop the emails. But yes, he's had some time to think of a reason to be on there... this is true...

I don't have bumble but I'm certain if you go to the end of the email on small writing should be about stopping emails

You have to go into Settings and Notifications to disable it, but then why would he suddenly be getting "spam" mail from Bumble, and why would it be because his credit card expired... they don't even keep those details anymore, do they? and if he's not been subscribing as he claims, why would they suddenly try and spam him to get his attention (which is what he claims). I wish I knew more about how apps work, he's a techie so is ahead of me...

If any of that were remotely true, he would've just said that yesterday. Why are you still giving him the time of day? Cheat or not, he is horrible to you.

This is what I was talking about OP. You can unsubscribe on emails, back from when I had Bumble a few years back.

Take a step back OP. He's "offered the passwords of his dating apps". What a gent! The dating apps (plural!) he was supposed to have deleted a year ago when you became a couple.

He's offered to let you read the messages with other women, where he will have already deleted anything incriminating and he agreed to delete the app a year ago

Maybe he got spam mail because he was using the apps. Which other dating apps has been on that you didn't know about, eh?

He maybe a techie but he is a terrible liar. He got caught out and has spent 24 hours thinking up more implausible lies.

It is easy enough to delete a profile and then create a new one in seconds, so it really proves nothing. The point is you don't trust him and he has fed you several obvious lies so far. Plus all the stuff about "overlapping", moving into your place etc

If he created a new one I'd see it as we live in the same town? He did say that I still have my app I could be an "overlapped" too and has offered that we sit down and delete our apps together. Too little too late I guess...

Well, he will just start using Tinder instead/as well, if he wants to.

You'd presumably only see a new profile if you were actively swiping for matches and your town is reasonably small. He could always pay to set his location somewhere other than where he actually is. Long and short, if he wants to cheat, he will find a way.

You are right, I can't stop him being unfaithful, or make him a different person to the one that he has been towards me. I am just struggling to end it even though I know I have to.

I am 57 and not as clever or attractive as he is

I'd put money on two of those things not being true (and I'm guessing you do know your actual age )

What are the good reasons to stay with him? Sex? Nope. You will feel lonely without him? How lonely did you feel when he was away and giving you the cold shoulder?

He talking utter bull 💩

Run

Do not stay with a man like this

Reading this as a man: he’s in it for what he can get. Why has he got this far in life and not laid down an asset base? Why have his previous relationships failed?

He’s looking to capitalise from your stability, your home, your equity. Jointly. He gets to pay a manageable lump to you but in doing so, it become ‘ours’ jointly.

You’re a fast track mechanism to him achieving the security he’s failed at, but his narcissistic traits reveal themselves to you and to ‘us’ on here, meaning that he won’t get what he’s targeted.

My uncle had a female version of your boyfriend. She did move in. Had no real job. No money and a narcissistic disorder. After 12 months he’d had enough and she demanded £4K cash to go, and made him sign a document that she typed out with a load of legal jargon preventing him from telling a soul.

Im not saying he’s that extreme but, and listen to this: your boyfriend isn’t who he seems. He can’t be relied upon to put your best interests first. He will manipulate you to a greater degree once he thinks he’s got you where he wants you, which is to cohabit at your home.

Don’t do it.

Thank you Longsight2019 for that sobering reminder that yes, how do you get to be mid-fifties with a good career and no assets? I met with him last night... lots of "I love yous" but no affection again, and implied my hair looked a mess this morning... it did, but you know who wants to actually hear that. Thanks to you guys I am now hyper-vigilant to his words and actions. He showed me the bumble emails, and his credit card has just expired so maybe they did want more subscription money, but it feels quite flabby as an excuse. I wanted to end it there and then but I bottled it. It's really hard when you are in love with someone.

Oh and he was one hundred percent adamant that men cannot read messages that women have sent to them on bumble without a subscription... any fellas out there can confirm this?

He's 100% lying. Not a fella but can read. bumble.com/en/help/do-i-have-to-pay-for-bumble-or-is-it-free