Bumble

[Ellena646]

Hi,

so I met my partner on Bumble and we both were talking to other people for a few weeks before we came off, at which point it said our home town as the last location. He's just gone away and because we are going through a bit of a rough patch, I checked and his location has changed to the place where he is currently staying. Does this mean he's been on the app? I'm rubbish with this stuff... how do the apps work regarding locations?

If you can't trust him then it's time to move on

I don’t think you can easily defend this, because he would be right, you were on it.

Yes, if he moves in with you and pays rent he can claim that he was contributing to the mortgage and has a claim on your property.

OMG, really? So he could be scamming me, kind of?

Please do this

Your gut is telling you the truth here

Sorry this has happened

Yes he could be scamming you and/or looking for a free/cheap place to live and all his housework, laundry and meals provided for. Look into cohabitation agreements and consider whether you should trust this man (who you don't trust) with your financial security.

He has offered to loan me money to do up the house, and to pay rent...He cooks and cleans, is very house trained from what I have seen, but maybe I am just an investment, more interest than the bank?

Run a mile OP

Please value yourself xxxxxxx

england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_cohabiting_sole_homeowners/occupation_rights_if_one_partner_is_the_sole_owner

If he contributes to home improvements he could claim a beneficial interest in the home. Check this and wise up OP.

I had no idea that was a thing but I'm now re-hearing a convo I had with a while ago with him about how his ex (an "unconventional/open relationship") wouldn't let him contribute to the mortgage, only food and bills and it pissed him off because if they'd split up he'd be homeless with no money... so perhaps I wasn't listening to what he was really saying?

Dump him first. It's only been a year.

Sounds like maybe your relationship has also been "open" but he just didn't tell you. Also, yes, the mortgage thing is exactly what he plans to do with you.

I am 57 and not as clever or attractive as he is. I was amazed by how into me he was, told me he loved me after just three weeks, a friend used the term "love bomb" and I chose to ignore it. Thank you so much for your honesty, I need it... just feeling that sick feeling when you sort of look at the future and feel like it's going to be lonely again...

OP, I would completely stall any plans for him to move in. His comment on his ex is extremely telling! Your independence is so precious! Don’t underestimate how short a time you have known him. I’m loathe to ever move in with anyone again and would wait at least 2-3 years before taking that step … if ever. He’s on Bumble too… not good.

You won’t be lonely OP. It’s actually great to be independent and to please yourself. If you learn to love your independence and enjoy your own company you are more likely to have healthy strong boundaries when you meet someone. I was in the same boat as you and a similar age and it was initially tough but now I have a nice boyfriend and also my own home & independence… I’m telling you, it’s the dream!!

Better to be alone and comfy in your own place, than wondering where he is every night. Listen to your gut.

Gosh OP. The more this develops the more I'm seeing this is a bit scary. He def love bombed you, shouldn't be wanting a share of anything that's yours or make you feel guilty he could be 'homeless' one day - your home is your home.
The bumble thing - you have an answer for from bum old themselves in the photo I posted last.
I fear how he will react when you bring this up or try and leave the 'relationship'

Be ready for a lot of narcissism and woe is me. He will most definitely gas light you too.

"From bumble themselves"

You've been on the app too so he might be thinking the same. Doesn't mean you're sleeping with someone else.

Whenever we have a disagreement I get the silent treatment, sometimes two or three days where he doesn't communicate with me.. I am guessing this will happen again, I always have to be the one to step up first.. recently he said something quite off to me which was that he thought my flirting with him was awkward... he hardly ever wants to have sex lately...and when I raised it he said he felt "boxed in a corner" ... I got a very bad feeling then, I should have followed it... Also, he never pays a compliment or says anything nice.. .am I digging deep here looking for excuses to leave or am I being my own best friend for once.. helped by everyone on here... My pulse is racing and I feel like I'm quite panicked...

Can you imagine how awful the silent treatment would be if you were actually living with him!!

I'm the same age as you and I can't see myself ever living with a man again. I love my own life too much. I'd love a bf but not some one to live with me.

Run OP, run as fast as you can!

I’m 51, own home following a divorce and I met someone on Bumble almost a year ago like you. He made it clear on Day 3 that he was deleting the app, he couldn’t wait to come off it so he could concentrate on us. So it’s off both our phones completely. I have no reason to believe he’d go back on it as he’s fully invested in us. And that’s how it should be for you. I am also never going to have him live with me, he has his own place and it works perfectly. The idea of living with a partner again frightens me. It’s definitely a dream come true living with two teens and no partner. Definitely don’t move him in as others have said, his track record isn’t great. More importantly, when he returns, have an honest conversation face to face and explain exactly what you did and what you saw. If he lies to your face, it’s on him but you have to speak about it otherwise you dont have anything good together. He should care how insecure you feel and a good partner would do their best to reassure you. If he doesn’t, you would be wise to let him go. Good luck!

@Ellena646 I understand your panic OP. You are realising this isn't right and you deserve better. Please don't stay in this relationship because he is showing some serious red flags but obviously it's up to you.
Just know that you deserve someone to be nice and not lie or say horrible things to you

@DropOfffArtiste 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

The more you say, the worse he sounds. Why would you want to be with someone who is probably cheating, potentially scamming you, doesn't want sex, emotionally abuses you and makes you feel terrible. What are you getting out of this?